Away and Return
by Nickie-chan
Summary: Naruto is heartbroken after the village broke his heart and left. He thinks to take his own life but Akatsuki stops him, Watch as he grow to protect the ones he love. NarutoXOC A REMINDER TO ALL THIS IS A CRACK FIC! FOR CREATING LAUGHTERS!
1. The Leave

Uzumaki Naruto leapt from branch to branch, hoping to get as far away from Konoha as possible. His eyes were filled with unshed tears.

'_Why does this have to happen to me? Even after all I did for them…'_

FLASH BACK

"_Naruto! What happened to Sasuke-kun? What did you do to him? He's half dead!" shouted Haruno Sakura._

_Then she did the unexpected. She raised her hand and slapped him across the face as hard as she could. Everyone from the retrieval team gasped at what she did. _

"_Sakura! What did ya do that for!" shouted Shikamaru. "If it weren't for Naruto, we wouldn't have gotten Sasuke back!" Soon a small crowd gathered around them. _

"_Naruto, I can't believe that you would do this to Sasuke. What his he ever done to you, bastard!" Sakura shouted._

_The crowd soon got the idea and joined in. "Get out of here, demon! Look at what you did to Uchiha Sasuke!"_

_They picked up what they could – stones, pebbles, sticks and threw it at him._

_Shikamaru tried to stop the barrage while Naruto didn't make any attempts to move. Even the injured Kiba tried to help. Some from the crowd were shinobi, and they grew bold._

"_Katon! Gokyakuu!" some random shinobi shouted and launched a decent sized fireball towards them._

"_Shit!" said Shikamaru. Closing their eyes they waited for the burning pain to come but it never did. Shikamaru opened his eyes and saw that a wall of sand in front of him._

"_Enough," Gaara said. "Shinobi of Konoha, you are a disgrace to your village for attacking the person who brought back the traitor."_

"_Heh, who would believe that the demon brought back Uchiha," said some random person. Instantly Gaara's sand was wrapped around him, ready to squeeze the life out of him._

"_Mind repeating what you said?" Gaara said his voice cold as steel._

"_Sabaku No Gaara. You will put that man down now," said a team of ANBU that appeared out of nowhere._

"_And if I don't?" said Gaara._

_The leader of the ANBU gave a nod and they vanished and reappeared in front of Gaara, katanas drawn and ready to kill. However, before they could bring their swords down, Gaara's sand wrapped around them. Gaara's sand crushed them or what was supposed to be them. Pieces of logs were scattered everywhere. The ANBU tried to move another move, but found that they couldn't move._

"_Kage Mane, success." Said Shikamaru with a smirk on his face._

"_Why are you helping the demon? Are you not a shinobi of the Leaf?" asked some random villager._

_When Shikamaru didn't answer, the same person shouted "They are all helping the demon! Kill them all!!" _

_The crowd picked up what they could, and threw it at the group. Shinobis ranking from genin to ANBU were casting all the jutsus they knew at the group. The group hasn't recovered from their last battles, and was not strong enough to block or counter the jutsus. _

"_ENOUGH!!" said a loud voice. Moments later Tsunade and Jiraiya appeared. "What do you fools think you are doing?" she bellowed at the now scared crowd._

"_We're killing the demon!" said some other random villager. _

"_YEA!' said the crowd in unison._

"_What are you fools thinking? I'll have you all executed for treason" yelled Tsunade._

"_We beg to differ," said a voice._

_Tsunade turned her head towards the source and found both the Council of Shinobi and the Council of Elders standing there._

"_We, the Council of Shinobi and the Council of Elders have decided that the villagers are innocent and Uzumaki Naruto is guilty of attempted murder against Konoha's Uchiha Sasuke. The punishment is death," said one of the old geezers from the Council._

_Tsunade bit her lip and clenched her hands into fists. She knew that she was powerless against both councils. If it was only one she could manage, but both councils could overrule the Hokage's decision. _

"_Uzumaki Naruto of Konoha! You are hereby sentenced to death by the Councils. ANBU! Do it!" said the old geezer from the Council of Elders. "Anyone who attempts to help him will be executed along with him, so don't bother."_

_The ANBU walked towards Naruto, unsheathed his katana and brought it down on Naruto's head. Or where it was supposed to be. Naruto sidestepped, and kicked the ANBU in the gut in one swift move and bolted out of the place._

END FLASHBACK

Naruto found himself at a clearing of the woods, and stopped to rest for a while. He sat down and thought about what happened, and came to the conclusion that his life was miserable.

"Why continue a miserable life?" he mumbled to himself and took out a kunai from his holster. He held his other hand out and brought the kunai close to it.

"**NOO! DON'T DO IT, YOU MORON!!!!!"** Kyuubi yelled from inside his cage. Naruto paid no heed to the demon's voice and brought the kunai nearer to his hand. Kyuubi was getting nervous now. He didn't want to die yet, but his vessel wanted the opposite.

"Uzumaki Naruto. I ask that you put that down and come with us," said a voice. Naruto removed the kunai from his hand looked for the source of the voice.

Inside a cage a fox released a breath that was held for a long time and sighed in relief.


	2. S class missing nins?

"Who's there?" he asked getting into a fighting stance. Two figures appeared in front of Naruto. They donned black cloaks with red cloud designs on them. One was short with blood red eyes with three spirals in them. The other one was tall and had a large sword thingy strapped to his back. (AN: I'm telling u, if ya can't recognize who those two are then I suggest u jump off a cliff.)

"Naruto, we mean no harm," said Itachi, the shorter of the two. The two of them were completely stunned. There was only one thought running through their minds '_Did I hear it wrong? No harm and Itachi don't mix together. I must be sick.'_

"Naruto, I know what you are thinking about. That goes for you too, Kisame," Itachi said, surprising both of them.

"Really? What was I thinking about?" asked Kisame smiling like a child.

"You were thinking that no harm and my name cannot exist together and that you must be sick am I correct?" Itachi replied coolly.

"How'd ya know?" asked Kisame.

Because I'm good while you suck, said Itachi casually. Kisame pouted. Naruto sweatdropped.

"Ahem. I'm still here, you know," said Naruto.

"Sorry. Now like I said, we mean no harm. We were just ordered to recruit you into the Akatsuki. Do you agree?" said Itachi.

"PLEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEEE," Kisame said with puppy dog eyes. Naruto sweatdropped. Itachi twitched uncontrollably.

"Kisame. Stop making a fool out of yourself. You are embarrassing me," said Itachi, clearly annoyed with the shark man's behavior. "So, what's your answer?"

"Can I say no?" asked the blonde.

"Sure you can. I just have to kill you," said Itachi. Naruto fell down anime style.

"I thought you said that you meant no harm!" shouted Naruto.

"Only if you come peacefully," Itachi said.

"Do I have another choice?" asked Naruto. Itachi shook his head and put his hand into the pocket of his cloak. Naruto saw this and tensed. The hand came out and with it came out ……..Pocky!! Naruto's jaw hit the floor like a ton of bricks. Itachi saw this.

"What? Cant I eat something I like?" asked Itachi. "So, are you coming with us or not?"

"It's not like I have any other choice. All right, I'll come with you guys," said Naruto.

"Good," said Itachi and summoned a small messenger bird. Itachi clipped on the message and the bird took off. "Let's go."

They walked through the forest until nightfall and set up camp in a clearing. Kisame was busy making something called The Amazing Stew and Itachi was getting ready to sleep.

Itachi was closing his eyes when he suddenly heard Kisame say "Here kid, try some off my stew." Itachi's eyes were suddenly open and in a flash he was in front of Naruto with Kisame's stew in his hands.

"KISAME!!! DO YOU WANNA KILL HIM!!!!!" Itachi shouted at the shark man.

"What!!!! It's just a stew," said Kisame.

"JUST AS STEW!!!! THIS THING'S MORE LETHAL THAN ANY KNOWN POISON IN THE WORLD!!!!" Itachi shouted.

Hey, just because you don't like my cooking doesn't mean someone else hates it too," said Kisame.

"I didn't think it would be that bad," said Naruto.

"I'll show you," said Itachi and poured out the contents of the 'stew' on to a rock. The rock slowly melted away.

"OMG!!! That could've been me. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU SHARK FACE??? DO YA WANNA KILL ME????" Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs. Kisame started sobbing like a child. Both of them twitched.

"There, there, Kisame. Don't cry. I'm here," said Itachi while stroking Kisame's back. Naruto had one thing going through his mind. '_I can't believe they're S class missing nins.' _ Naruto sighed and went to sleep. Kisame stopped crying to Itachi's relief and slept.

A messenger bird landed in front of him. He whistled and the bird flew to his shoulders. Itachi took the message and read it. With a smirk he burned the paper and went to sleep.


	3. Tortu i mean training

At 4.30am next morning……

"Suiton! Suiryuudan!" A medium sized water dragon appeared out of nowhere and slammed full force into a sleeping Naruto's face.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! ARE YA TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!" shouted the rudely awakened boy.

"Shut up ya brat and put these on," said Kisame and threw him some bracelet like things along with a vest. Grumpily he put them on and Kisame did a hand seal. Naruto suddenly felt that his body was too heavy and fell face first into the dirt.

"These are weights. Activated by chakra. Increases weight once your body adapts to the current settings. I've started you with 50 lbs for each limb and 80 lbs for the vest," explained Kisame.

"WHATT!!"

"Stop screaming like a banshee and get your ass moving. I want 500 pushups, 500 sit ups and a 600 lap run around this clearing. Any less and all you get for dinner is my stew," Kisame said with an evil smirk on his face. Not wanting to die by the stew, Naruto got up and did the exercise.

After 2 long hours…….

"Ok. We're done with the warm ups. Now let's do some real training. You'll be sparring against me. If you manage to land a hit on me before noon, I'll teach you a nice suiton jutsu. Got it? Begin!" said Kisame.

After 6 long hours…..

"All right, brat. Ya get a five minute break and Itachi will take over," said Kisame and with that he left. Five minutes passed quickly because no sooner had he began to rest, Itachi poofed out of nowhere in front of him.

"All right, brat. Let's work on your chakra control. I want you to stand on that pond for 3 hours while I throw kunai and shuriken at you. Then after that you will stand on the water for another 3 hours using hands only while Kisame throws water dragons at you. Any less, all you get for dinner is Kisame's stew," said Itachi. Naruto wanted to faint. Itachi and Kisame who appeared out of nowhere had an evil smile on each of their faces. They had one thought and that was '_Torture is fun.'_

After all that…….

Naruto dragged himself to the fire where the food was. His muscles were sore as all of his bones. Before he had a chance to touch the food, his body gave out and he feel into a deep slumber.

The next morning……

Naruto woke up when the sun shone on his face and made it impossible to sleep. He looked around. Itachi and Kisame were not there. He went to where the fire was and saw a scroll beside it with a note.

_Naruto _

_Kisame and I are going on a mission. Unfortunately we cannot bring you along with us. The scroll contains some suiton jutsus. Master them and we'll be back by the end of next week._

_Itachi_

Naruto opened the scroll and began studying the first technique. _Suiton! Suiryuudan! A powerful technique that allows the user to create a water dragon. Size varies on the amount of chakra used._

_Step one _

_Concentrate chakra to a water source nearly. _

_Step two_

_Then perform the following seals – boar, bird, dragon, dog, serpent and monkey._

_Step three_

_Concentrate the chakra into a dragon shape and launch it towards your opponent._

For the next two years Naruto trained in that fashion. Morning tortu- I mean training by Kisame and Itachi respectively during mornings and afternoons. Sometimes they would go on missions and leave him some scrolls to practice with.


	4. The Akatsuki

Two years later…….

" Naruto. You have done well during these two years of training," said Itachi.

" Yea, kid! Ya make us proud!" said Kisame with anime tears rolling down his face.

" Kisame, stop making a fool out of yourself," said Itachi. " But still, I will not deny that you have made us proud." Itachi gave Naruto a smile. Kisame immediately placed his palm on Itachi's forehead.

" ITACHI! ARE YOU SICK? YOU MUST BE COMING DOWN WITH A FEVER!!!" said Kisame.

" Kisame. You will remove your hand from my forehead or I will burn all the Icha Icha Paradise novels you have stored in a scroll that is hidden between your legs," said Itachi, using his cool monotone voice.

' _What!! How does he know that?/'_ thought Kisame.

Itachi, as if reading his mind said " You told me once, you idiot. Its no surprise that you don't remember. Afterall, you were drunk." Kisame laughed sheepishly and quickly remove his hand from Itachi's forehead.

" What!! Shark face reads perverted novels too! Great… all we need now is for Sasuke to kiss Sakura and says that he loves her," said Naruto while rolling his eyes.

Somewhere in Konoha…..

" Sakura….. I think I ….. l..ove.. ACHOO!!!" sneezed a certain Uchiha.

Back with the trio……

" Uzumaki Naruto. You are hereby invited by the leader of Akatsuki, whose name shall not be told, to join the organisation. Do you accept?" said Itachi seriously.

Naruto kneeled before Itachi and said " I, Uzumaki Naruto, holder of the Kyuubi no Yoko, the nine tailed bastard fox agree to join the Akatsuki."

" Good," said Itachi and pulled a black cloak from seemingly nowhere and handed it to Naruto.

" Rise and put this on. From now on, you are part of the organization and brother to all Akatsuki members," said Itachi. Naruto accepted the cloak with stars in his eyes and a BIG smile. Kisame started to cry because he was so touched by the short ceremory of Naruto joining. Itachi found that annoying and twitched uncontrollably.

" Kisame. You will stop making a fool out of yourself or I will tell Deidara about the time when you switched his bombs with water balloons in disguise and caused him to screw up in a mission," said Itachi.

As if on cue the said Akatsuki member appeared out of nowhere and appeared to be angry.

" So, it was you, eh Kisame? DIE, YOU BASTARD!!" said Deidara as he took out his bombs and got ready to throw them.

" Deidara….. let me explain… please…." said Kisame nad he put both hands in front of him and began to back away from the angry Akatsuki member slowly.

" DIE!!" said Deidara as he launched his bombs at the shark man.

Kisame dodged but Deidara kept throwing bomb after bomb at Kisame. Kisame was running around in circles screaming like a little school girl as Deidara chased after him.

" Naruto, is time to meet the others, said Itachi as he did several hand seals and slammed his palm on the ground. For a while nothing happened but then suddenly black blurs were seen one by one they appeared until there were six of them.

" So, Itachi, this is the one you have been talking about. I wonder how strong is he?" said one of the black blurs.

" He's as strong as any of us. Why don't you introduce yourselves to him?" said Itachi.

" I'm Tobi I'm new to this organization. I like to listen to music and sleep. You?" said a man with a mask as he held out his hand.

" Uzumaki Naruto. Likes are ramen, my friends and meeting new friends. Dislikes…. Well I think I'll say Kisame's horrible cooking. Especially his ' Amazing Stew'," said Naruto as he shook Tobi's hand. Everyone shuddered at the thought of the 'stew'.

" Naruto, you are taking too long with the intros. Let me help you," said Itachi. He pointed to the one that looked like a venus fly trap and said " Zetsu."

" Hey," Zetsu said to Naruto.

" Then we have Hidan," Itachi said, pointing to the next one.

" Hello."

" Deidara."

" Hey," he said while holding a smoking and unconscious Kisame.

" Baiu."

" Yo."

" Midare."

" Hi"

" And finally our leader whose name shall not be spoken," said Itachi.

" Hello, young one and welcome to the Akatsuki," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken. " Now, to the base!"


	5. Organization of Red School Girls

The base was different from what Naruto imagined it to be. For one its luxurious, grand like a five star hotel. Plasma flat screen tvs, expensive couches, sofas, coffee tables, and all kind of BRANDED game consoles like the PS2, PS3, XBOX, XBOX360, Nintendo Ds and a lot more. Beside the consoles was a huge cupboard containing games of all kind, cds, vcds and dvds just waiting to be watched. Kisame rushed towards the couch, grabbed the remote and flicked on the tv.

" Come on, guys. The game is starting. ChampionsLeague finals. Arsenal – Real Madrid," he said, motioning for them to sit down. All of the members, including Naruto, sat down quickly just in time fto see Ruud van Nisterooy missed a shot by a few inches.

" So, who do you think will win, Real or The Gunners?" asked Kisame.

" Real Madrid," said everyone except for Naruto who said " Arsenal."

" I go for the Gunners too," said Kisame.

" You got to be kidding me, right? Arsenal can barely play!" the leader whose name shall not be spoken said.

" Wanna bet? I'm putting 10,000 ryo on Arsenal to score and protect a clean sheet!" exclaimed Kisame loudly.

" Well, I'm putting 15,000 ryo on Real Madrid to score three goals against Arsenal," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

" What about you guys?" asked Kisame.

" 10,000 ryo in Real," sais everyone except for Naruto who said "20,000 on Arsenal. Same conditions as Kisame."

Once again they watched the match.

On the TV….

" Ruud van Nisterooy…… he's slipped past the defenders……… shot!……. Blocked by Lehnman. That was so close. Now Toure from Arsenal….has picked out Fabregas…..nice pass to Rosicky…….to Hleb……Fabregas….Gilberto……..to Henry……and HENRY!!!!!! OH! Blocked by Carsillas!! That was a magnificent save. And the officials have decided to have one minute of time added.

In the real world…..

Everybody tensed. Only one minute time added.

Back in the TV…..

" Fabregas….. to Henry….. pass to van Persie…. gives it to Hleb…..30 seconds left…… pass to Gilberto……15 seconds left…….pass to Henry……..5 seconds left……Pass to Rosicky……ROSICKY!!!!!! ITS IN!!!!!! ARSENAL HAS WON IT!!!!! IN THE LAST SECONDS!!!!! ARSENAL ARE THER NEW CHAMPOINS!!!!!! WHAT A SHOT FROM TOMAZ ROSICKY!!!!!!

Back in the real world……

" YEAH!!! WE'RE RICH!!! RICH!!!! ARSENAL HAS WON IT!!!!!!" yelled Kisame and Naruto while hugging each other and jumping around in joy. Everyone else in the room was angry because they lost a lot of money and thus causing the tension in the room, though both winners are oblivious to it.

Finally Itachi had enough and said " Kisame, you will stop celebrating while we are sad because we lost or I will burn this." He held up a golden book. Kisame eyes became as large as soccer balls.

" NO!! THAT'S MY ULTRA LIMITED EDITION OF ICHA ICHA PARADISE THAT IS SIGNED BY JIRAIYA-SAMA HIMSELF. ONLY THREE IN THE WORLD. PLEASE!!! I'LL STOP!! JUST DON'T HARM MY BABY!!!!" Kisame fell on to the floor crying while everyone else twitched uncrontrollably, especially Uchiha Itachi, who was twitching the most.

Finally he calmed down and did a few single handed seals. Kisame realized what he was planning and quickly dived for the book as flames rushed out from Itachi's mouth.

Kisame grabbed the book and fell on to the floor, which made Itachi miss, which caused a fire in the snack bar containing tons of Pocky. Once Itachi realized what has taken place…

" NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My year's supply of Pocky!!!!!!!!!!! All gone!!!!!!!!!" he yelled, and fell to the floor sobbing like a girl while muttering the words " pocky….pocky….. pocky….." in between sobs. Everyone's jaws hit the floor like a ton of steel and their eyes went so white that even the Hyuugas would have mistaken them for their own.

Then suddenly they felt massive amounts of killing intent radiating from Itachi as he got up. Kisame quickly grabbed his book and ran for deart life while Itachi kept launching fireballs at him in attempt to burn the book. Kisame ran into everyone's rooms and Itachi followed suit with chakra ready for a fireball. When everyone realized what happened, they quickly ran towards their rooms to analyze the damage and to stop the fire from damaging their most beloved properties.

" NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! MY COLLECTION OF SAILORMOON STICKERS!!!! ALL GONE!!!1" yelled Tobi form his room.

" NOOOOO!!!!!!! MY COLLECTION OF REAL MADRID MERCHANDICE!!!!! ALL GONE!!!!!" yelled Hidan.

" NO!!!!!!!!!!!! MY COLLECTION OF CHINESE BOX SET MOVIES!!!! EVEN THE NEWSET ONE WHICH I HAVENT WATCH!!!!! ITS TOO MUCH!!!!' yelled Biau.

" NO MY COLLECTION OF YU-GI-OH CARDS!!!!!! DARK MAGICAIN GIRL!!!!! BLACK CHAOS!!!! ALL GONE!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!" yelled Midare.

" NO!!!!!!!! MY COLLECTION OF TOY SOLDIERS AND TEDDY BERAS!!!!!! MY SUNGGLES!!!!! MISS WHITEY!!!!! ALL GONE!!!!! I WANNA DIE!!!!" yelled Deidara.

" NO!!!!!! MY COLLECTION OF PORN VIDEOS!!!!! JAPAN CHICKS!!! KOREAN CHICKS!!! ALL GONE!!!!"yelled the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

Naruto who haven't recovered from the book incident twitched more when each and everyone of the members yelled and cried for their lost possessions.

" Organazation of Red Dawn??? More like Organization of Red Crying School Girls," said Naruto to himself and proceded to retire to his room, which he realized he didn't know hwere.

" NOOOOOOOOO!"

**Hello, readers! I just wanna thank you all for the reviews and keep sending them in. all reviews are accepted. Even flames! Just not too much….**


	6. The First Mission

Naruto woke up when his sensitive nose caught the scent of his favourite meal of the day. Breakfast. He followed the the trial of scent and ended up seeing Deidada making some pancakes.

" Those things look delicious. Can I have some?" asked Naruto.

" Sure, yeah. Go ahead, yeah, and tell me what you think, yeah," said Deidara. And so Naruto look a piece and shoved it into his mouth. His eyes had bright shiny stars in them and he felt like he was in heaven.

When he finally came back to his senses, he saw the others staring at him as if he was some kind of alien.

" What? It was that good," said Naruto. Everybody rushed to their seats and grabbed their piece and shoved it into their mouths. Instantly they felt the effects of the delicious pancakes.

" DEIDARA-CHAN! WE LOVE YOU! THIS IS HEAVEN!" both Naruto and Deidara sweatdropped.

After breakfast…

" Uzumaki Naruto, as the newest member of the Akatsuki, you will now receive your fisrt mission," the leader whose name shall not be spoken said and handed a scroll to Naruto. " The mission is very simple. You are to steal a scroll from the office of the Raikage in the Nation of Lightning. Do not let anyone see you, but just in case, kill all people you come across. Your time limit is one week."

" Who's the client?" asked Naruto.

" Some bastard from Iwa,"replied the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

" I accept," said Naruto and disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

After four hours of hish speed traveling…

Naruto was finally at the borders of the Nation of Clouds. He was exhausted from traveling so long at once so he decided to find a place to rest and eat. He could see some buildings some distance away and quickly sped towards it.

After twenty minutes he arrived at a small village. As he walked through the village, could see a large number of beggars and children on the streets, begging for money and food. He walked toward the city council, to search for some answers.

" Excuse me, may I have a word with the village head, please?" he askd the secretary.

" Of course. Please wait for a moment," she said and proceded to enter the office. Moments later she came out saying that the village head would see him. He thanked the secretary, and entered the office.

He saw a man around his fiftys sitting behind the desk doing some paperwork.

" Um, excuse me?" Naruto said.

" Yes, may I help you?" the village leader asked.

"I'm here to ask why are there so many poor people in this village?" said Naruto.

" Why would this interest you?" the village leader asked.

" I am curious. Tell me and I may be able to offer some assistance," said Naruto.

" May I ask what do you want in return? You wouldn't help us for free now, would you?" asked the leader.

" Maybe. Your village does remind me of a place… so wanna tell me what's wrong?" he asked again.

" Even if I tell, you can' help me," said the leader sadly.

" We'll see. There's no harm in telling," said Naruto with a smile on his face.

" If you insist….. ," said the leader reluctantly. " I have a daughter. 18 years of age. She's very beautiful and kind hearted. Unfortunately for her, a head of a powerful gang of bandits found her attractive and wanted her. I hid her away so they couldn't find her and that leads to our condition now. The bandits come and raid this place every three days or so and destroy our village until I told him my daughter's location."

" Can I see a picture of your daughter? I wanna know who I'll be helping," said the young blonde. The old man opened one of his drawers and handed him a picture of his daughter. Naruto took one look at it, and suddenly found that he couldn't stop looking at the picture.

The girl was smiling in the picture. She was with a friend, a sweet smile on her cute lips. The girl had had beautiful brown eyes and a cute face like a child. Her brown hair was short, stopping at her shoulders.

" Wow…" he said.

" Yes. She is beautiful, isn't she?" the older man said, letting out a small chuckle.

" Yes…" he said in a trance like voice. The older man just smiled. " When was the last raid? How many men did the enemy have?"

" Errrr….200 men I'd say and yesterday," said the older man.

" Good. I'll take the job. I'll be back in three days to stop the bandits," said Naruto." But I'd like a place to stay for the night."

" Of course, of course. I'll have my secretary take you to our hotel," he said. Naruto bowed and left the room.

The next morning…

Feeling refreshed, Naruto continued his journey to the Hidden Village of the Clouds. He arrived in a matter of hours, and passed as a civilian at the gates. After checking in at a hotel, he explored around a little to get used to his surroundings. A tall building stood in the center of the village and Naruto assumed that it was the Raikage mansion. With that settled, he went back to his hotel and waited for nightfall.

At night…

Naruto jumped from roof to roof quietly. The only thing in the sky was half moon, which provided little to ni light. Soon he arrived at the Raikage mansion. He knocked out the guards by pushing a few pressure points on their necks and proceded.

' _The scroll of that importance must be kept somewhere guarded and high up,' _he thought to himself. So with that in mind he traveled upwards, to the top floor. He took out the guards easily, and made a move for the scroll. As soon as he touched it, alarms were heard throughout the mansion. He quickly grabbed the scroll and smashed the window next to him and jumped out. The guards took after him and followed him. he increased his speed in an attempt to lose them, but to his disappointment they somehow were able to keep up. He stopped suddenly and gathered chakra to both his palms, and smashed them together. A tidal wave appeared out of nowhere and slammed full force onto the guards, knocking them out. Naruto was panting. That move took a lot out of him. he walked slowly away from the scene while catching his breath. He entered the hotel the same way he got out- through the window. He then proceded to pack his thngs, and left the village quietly.

Mean while at the village….

" No… please. I'll tell you. just don't hurt those children….," said the village leader.


	7. The Rescue

Naruto entered the office that he visited days ago. He saw the old man crying like a girl.

" What's wrong?" he asked, his voice concerned.

He grabbed Naruto's shirt and muttered out " They took her. They took her. They took my daughter. Please save her. Save Kasumi. You're the only one that can save her. Please… I beg of you…"

" Which way?" he asked.

" North," the old man replied. The young blonde nodded and disappeared in a swirl of smoke.

At the bandits' base….

A girl was roughly tossed onto the ground. Her hands were tied behind her back and her legs tied. A cloth was stuffed in her mouth.

" Fellow brothers! We have finally captured the girl. Once I had my turn, you all will can take turns on her!" the leader yelled.

" YEAH!!" everyone yelled.

Some where in the forest…

Naruto was speeding through the forest as fast as his legs would carry him without removing his weights.

'_Please let me make it in time,' _he thought as he oushed chakra to his feet in an attempt to go faster. The forest soon ended and a cave came into view. he stealthily entered the cave.

In the cave…

"It's time to play, little angel," the leader said as he began to unbutton her blouse. The girl's eyes widened as the first button came off. She struggled but the bonds that held her together were too strong. The man began to reach for the second button but the girl disappeared in a blur.

" What the.." he said.

" You know, you shouldn't force yourself on a woman like that, its not fair to them," said a voice. The leader looked to see Naruto on the wall carrying Kasumi with one hand bridal style.

" BRAT!! GET BACK HERE WITH THAT GIRL BEFORE WE KILL YOU!!' yelled the leader.

" Really?" said Naruto, raising an eyebrow.

"YEAH!!!" yelled all the bandits.

" Kasumi, right?" Naruto asked the girl. She nodded. " Well, I think you better not watch this. Its gonna be bloody." Hearing that She closed her eyes and dug her head into his chest. Naruto with one hand took out a scroll and in one quick move unwrapped it. He slammed his palm on the inscriptions of the scroll and in a poof a katana appeared. It was black as the night itself, which reflected no light, and a red guard and handle. Naruto grabbed the sword. " Let's rock."

He jumped down from the wall, and rushing into the crowd of bandits, and slashed anyone near to him, The bandits from behind threw projectiles at them, and Naruto blocked it with his sword. The bandits began to slash at him, bringing down their weapons at him. naruto blocked as much as he could, and counterd as much as he could, but with one hand and a gigl in his arms, he really couldn't do much. He blocked all the slashes that were aimed at Kasumi with his body, then turned around and swiftly cut their heads clean off.

After two long hours of battle….

Naruto leaned on his sword as he panted, still carrying the girl in his arms. He looked around him and all he saw were dead bodies of all 500 bandits, including their leader. He placed the girl on the floor and with his sword he cut the bonds that held the girl. Tired from fighting and taking hits with his body, he fell down unconscious.

Naruto woke up next to a fire. He sat up, and noticed that the left side of his body was heavily bandaged.

" You're awake?" asked a female voice.

Naruto turned towards the direction of the voice and found Kasumi's face a few inches from his. He was so mezmorized by her beautiful brown eyes that he failed to notice her calling him.

" Are you all right? You zoned out there," said Kasumi.

Blushing he looked away and muttered " Yea, I'm fine." She giggled at the sight of her blushingh, which made his face turned redder.

" May I know your name?" she asked.

" Uzumaki Naruto. You're Kasumi, right?"

" Yea. How'd you know?" she asked.

" Your father told me," said Naruto.

" Naruto. Thank you for saving my life," she said and kissed Naruto's cheek. Naruto touched the spot where her lips were. " Wow…"

Kasumi giggled and blushed a small shade of pink. Naruto treid to move his left arm but suddenly a wavw of pain caused him to stop and clutched his arm in pain.

" Don't move your left arm. Its taken a huge amount of damage from projectiles and slashes," said Kasumi as she scooted to Naruto's left arm to check for reopened wounds. Naruto blushed when her soft hands touched his arm. Kasumi wasn't an better when she went to check on Naruto's injured but well muscled arm.

" Errr… I think its ok now," he said as he retracted his arm, much to Kasumi's disappointment." Its late. Get some sleep and we'll go back to the village tomorrow." With that said, Naruto lied down on the grass and fell in a deep slumber.

The next morning….

Naruto awoke when the sun shone on his face, forcing Naruto out of his deep slumber. He sat up using his right arm, and looked around. Kasumi wasn't in sight. A small piece of paper caught his eye.

_Come to the clearing two miles east from here unarmed or the girl dies._

' _Great. I just saved her yesterday and now I have to do it again. UNARMED!' _he thought to himself. Twenty minutes later, Naruto found himself in the clearing mentioned. He saw a man standing next to Kasumi, who at the moment was tied to a tree and had a kunai dangerously close to her throat. Naruto looked at the man. _' He looks farmiliar,' _he thought to himself. Then it hit him like a ton of bricks.

" You're that bandit leader, am I right?" asked Naruto.

" How observant of you. Yes, I'm the leader from yesterday," he said with a smirk.

" Prepare to die," Naruto said as he got into a fighting stance. The leader shook his head and pushed the kunai closer towards Kasumi's neck.

" Don't do stupid things or she gets it," said the leader. " Get him!"

A dozen or so men jumped out of the bushes and attacked him. Naruto tried to dodge and block the hits but with only one arm functioning he wasn't faring too well. A well placed kick to the left side of his ribs forced the wind out of him and that left him open. One of the bandits kicked him in the chin, causing him to fly back several metres and coughing up some blood. He got back up to see thousands of projectiles flying at him. Instinctively he slammed his right palm to the ground and caused a wall of water to appear from thin air, blocking the projectiles. The water wall disappeared soon after, an d soon Naruto was again attacked by the bandits. This time however, they were armed.The blonde dodged left and right, but there were just too many. And the fact that he cannot move at full speed due to injury didn't help one bit.

Kasumi watched as the blonde ninja dodged left and right, trying to avoid being slashed. Suddenly one of the bandits brought a katana down on Naruto, who couldn't dodge it, caught in with his right hand. The meatl cut through his skin easily and drew out blood which kept dripping down from his wounded hand.

' _Great. Now even my good hand is wounded. This is getting hard. I must end this soon or me and Kasumi are gonna die,' _Naruto thought to himself.

' _Why would he go this far for me? We just met yesterday. Maybe my father offered a large sum of money for my safe return. But my village's so poor. Where would father…'_ Her thoughts were cut off when Naruto screamed when a katana went through Naruto's left shoulder.

" Naruto! Get out of here! You'll die if you go on!" she yelled, tears forming around her beautiful brown eyes.

" You…wish," ha said as he gave a kick to the bandit holding the katana. The kick forced him to release his grip on the katana, which was still embedded in his shoulder. He pulled it out with a sickening sound and held it in front of him with his right hand. The bandits charged at him he smirked as he block their attacks and deliver fatal slashes all in one swift move. The leader could not believe his eyes. There standing was a man capable of taking out a dozen or more men in one slash. Naruto began to slowly advance towards the leader, who had began to shake in fear. Suddenly Naruto disappeared, and reappeared behind him with kasumi in his arms. The bandit leader gasped as his upper body was separated from his lower. Naruto fell to his knees. His vision was blurring. He lost a lot of blood. Kasumi was at his side immediately.

" Naruto, are you all right?" she asked. Naruto then fell on his face and saw black.


	8. The Barbie Playing Kyuubi

Naruto found himself in a sewer with a lot of pipes twisting here and there. He walked towards the end of the end of the sewer and found himself in front of two large gates sealed shut held together by a small piece of paper with the kanji 'seal' on it.

"Long time no see, Kyuubi. What do you want?" asked Naruto.

"**What do I want? Let's see now….Oh yeah, I WANT YOU TO STOP GETTING YOURSELF KILLED!!!!!!" **Kyuubi yelled behind the gates. Naruto picked his ear with his pinky.

"Well, you didn't exactly help me much, so…. SHUT UP!!" Naruto yelled.

"**You have a good point there. Now let's get down to business. I will give you some things that will prevent you from GETTING YOURSELF KILLED!!"**

"Well, I wouldn't have ended up like that if you would lend me some of your power instead of just SPENDING TIME IN THERE DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT!!!"

"**SHUT UP!!! I CALLED YOU HERE TO GIVE YOU SOME THINGS! NOT ARGUE WITH YOU! NOW DO YOU WANT THEM OR NOT!!"**

"What do ya wanna give me?" Naruto asked a little annoyed.

"**I am going to give you a……OH MY GOD!! I FORGOT!!!" **Naruto dropped to the floor anime style and twitched non stop. Kyuubi began to search his room and throwing things out of the gates via the gaps. Numerous scrolls and swords and soft toys and Barbie dolls were all around him. Naruto wavered at the sight. _'The Great Nine Tailed Beast, Lord of the Demons, plays with soft toys and Barbie dolls. The world is coming to an end.' _Naruto thought.

"**AHA!! FOUND IT!" **Kyuubi said as he held up a large red scroll with two of his paws, which left him with only two paws to support his enormous body with the swishing tails behind him, which caused him to fall flat on his face which caused all the soft toys and Barbie dolls to fly around the cage, which caused some to fell in the toilet and flushed to oblivion.

"**NO!!!! MR. SNUKKUMS!!! TOUR GUIDE BARBIE!!! BIKINI BARBIE!!! ALL GONE!!!" **Kyuubi sobbed. Naruto turned black and white from shock. _'The Great Nine Tailed Beast, Lord of the Demons is crying over a few toys flushed down the drain. Now all we need is for Ino to let Shikamaru to touch her boobs.'_

At Konoha….

"Shikamaru, ahh… don't stop," said Ino as Shikamaru massaged her left breast.

Back with Naruto….

Kyuubi has finally calmed down from the loss of some of his toys when Naruto said that he would get new ones for him.

"**Here's the thing I wanted to give you - a summoning scroll for the blue dragons. Blue means cold. As in cold as ice and cold as water cold .Since your techniques are mostly water and ice based, this summon fits you the best. ," **said Kyuubi. Naruto opened the scroll and saw that no name was present. He nicked his thumb and signed his name and then his finger prints in blood at the bottom. He then sealed the scroll and secured it horizontally at his back.

"Thank you," said Naruto politely.

"**You're welcome, young one. Now go!" **

Back at the real world…

Naruto opened his eyes slowly and let out a small groan. He tried to sit up but a wave of pain prevented him from doing so. He lifted his head to examine his body. He saw that his right hand was bandaged and so was his left shoulder. His cloak and shirt was beside him on the ground with all the other things.

"You're awake. How do you feel?" asked Kasumi.

"Like I've been chopped into pieces," answered Naruto. Kasumi let out a small giggle.

"Thank you for saving my life, Naruto-san," said Kasumi bowing.

"It was nothing, Kasumi. Your father sent me here," said Naruto.

"May I ask you a question?" asked Kasumi.

"Fire away," said Naruto.

"Why did you go so far to save me? You could have been killed!" she said.

"I wanted to. And just to let you know, I was only using 10 of my power. These seals on my legs and arms prevent me from using more than that. But I could have unsealed it and used my full power," said Naruto.

"Then why didn't you?" asked Kasumi again.

"Because it was unnecessary," said Naruto casually. "Let's get back to the village. I'm sure your father is worried sick about you." Naruto did some hand seals and slammed his palm onto the ground. A fairly large dragon appeared in a poof. It was light blue, almost white and had a long body like a snake.

"**Who are you? Why am I here?" **the dragon asked Naruto and Kasumi.

"I summoned you and my name is Naruto. The girl beside me is Kasumi. We need a lift to her village," said Naruto.

"**What proof do you have that you summoned me?"** asked the dragon. Naruto opened the summoning scroll and showed it to the dragon who was surprised he got the scroll and nodded its head.

"About that lift…." Naruto let the sentence hang.

"**Naruto-sama. Please forgive me. I would be honored to give you and Kasumi-san a ride. Please get on,"** the dragon said and lowered its head and body. Naruto helped Kasumi up before getting on the dragon. The dragon flew off the ground and into the air. Kasumi clung onto Naruto as the dragon soared through the sky. The view was breathtaking. As the dragon begin to land Naruto and Kasumi began to sense something weird about the village. For one the streets were deserted and there's the fact that the houses were not lighted didn't do any good to lessen the worry of Naruto and Kasumi.

They entered the office and saw …..

**Sorry for the late update. I just got back from a trip to Malaysia for ONE WHOLE WEEK. But now I'm back. I'll have the next chapter out in the next few days, so enjoy and don't forget to leave a review. Thanks. I love you all!!**


	9. Disclaimer! Not a chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the other characters except the ones I created.**


	10. The Bet that Embarrassed Itachi

They entered the office and saw…..KISAME EATING THE VILLAGERS' HEADS!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was just kidding.

Actually they saw….ITACHI EATING MISO RAMEN!!!!!!!!!! It was a joke.

The truth is they saw….THE LEADER WHOSE NAME SHALL NOT BE SPOKEN JERKING OFF!!!!!!! What! Can't take a joke!!!

ACTUALLY I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY SAW!!! I'M KINDA OUT OF IDEAS!!!! SO KEEP QUIET AND LET ME THINK!!!!

I'VE GOT IT!!!!

They saw the all the villagers watching the big screen that was in the office of the village head. They were currently watching a soccer match.

"What cha watching?" Naruto asked.

"A match between Arsenal and Manchester United. This match decides who gets the Community Shield," answered a random villager.

"Who do ya think will win?" asked Naruto to everyone in the room.

"ARSENAL!!!" yelled one half.

"MU!!" yelled the other half.

"What about you?" Naruto asked the village head.

"I'll go with United. They have very powerful players," said the village head. "What about you?"

"I'll go for…."Naruto said.

"United," said a voice. Naruto turned his head to the direction of the voice.

"Itachi! What are you doing here! Where are the others?" asked Naruto.

"Betting on United," said Itachi casually. "The others are right behind me." As if on cue the other members of the organization appeared.

"Hiya, brat!" said Kisame. Naruto stuck his tongue out at him.

"So, which team are you betting on?" asked Itachi.

"MU!!!!" yelled one half of the room

"ARSENAL!!!" yelled the other half.

"I've got an idea," said Naruto. Everyone silenced and had their undivided attention on Naruto. "How about a bet?"

"How does it work?" asked a random villager.

"The ones who support the Red Devils stand on the left. Supporters of Gunners stand on the right. For those who think it's a tie stand in the middle." Everyone got into their sides except Naruto. "Now the rules are simple. If Arsenal wins, United supporters will walk around the village NAKED!!! Of course females wear lingerie. Same goes for the Gunners' supporters if MU wins. How about that?" said Naruto.

"We accept!!!" yelled everyone. Naruto nodded and went on Arsenal's side, and stood beside Kisame. They watched the game intensely as it entered its final three minutes of stoppage time.

In the television…

"The officials have decided to allow three minutes of stoppage time. Now a hard kick from Lehmamn the ball finds Fabregas. Nice pass to Hleb. Pass to Adebayor. Cross in for VAN PERSIE!!! Oh… blocked by Van Der Sar. Now it's Gary Neville. Pass to Park Ji Sung. Gives it to Ronaldo. RONALDO!!!! Missed by a couple of inches! What a shot! Chance wasted by United. I have to say that was the best chance United had during the match. Now Ljungberg. Run down the right wing! Cross! It's Adebayor's header. AND IT'S IN!!! WHAT A MAGNIFICENT GOAL BY ADEBAYOR!!!!! THIS IS IT!! IT'S ALL OVER!! THE REFEREE HAS SIGNALLED THE GAME TO END!!!! ARSENAL HAS WON IT!!!!"

Back in the real world….

"YEAH!!!!!! WE WON!!! WE WON!!!' yelled the Arsenal supporters. The United supporters were drained of their color when they realized that they have to walk NAKED around the village. Kisame hugged Naruto who was shouting happily and was oblivious to the fact the other Akatsuki members were glaring at them with a lot of killing intent.

Finally Itachi had enough and said "Kisame. You will stop celebrating when we are about to humiliate ourselves or I will have Deidara cook shark fin soup for all the meals for three months." Kisame was silent in an instant. Then he suddenly took a small box of Pocky out if his pocket.

"Do that and I'll crush this Pocky," said Kisame. Itachi's eyes widened.

"No!! Please!! Anything but the Pocky!!!! I'll do anything!! Just don't harm that Pocky!!" said Itachi and he broke down crying. All the villagers fell down anime style and twitched uncontrollably.

"Really? You'll do anything I say?" asked Kisame. Itachi nodded.

"Good. I want you to hop around the house on one foot while pretending to be a chicken," said Kisame with an evil smirk on his face.

Itachi immediately hopped on one foot while flapping his arms like wings and clucking like a chicken. Naruto and Kisame laughed so hard that their sides hurt and they had difficulty breathing.

Accidentally Kisame pressed the Pocky box a little too hard and broke the Pocky, which made Itachi cry like a baby and sucked his thumb while hugging his knees with one hand and rocking back and forth. Naruto and Kisame laughed even harder and rolled on the ground so much that craters started forming where they were laughing.

The others just fainted at the sight.


	11. Naruto and Hidans' Bad Day

**Hiya guys! I'm so sorry for not updating sooner but I was out of ideas. So here I am.**

Naruto sped through the forest towards the Akatsuki hidden base. He nearly slipped and fell a few times. Itachi and Kisame decided to investigate.

"Hey, brat. What's wrong?" asked Kisame with a grin. When he didn't respond, Kisame took a deep breath and screamed like a banshee directly into his ear. Naruto immediately lost his footing and from the tall branches to the hard, unforgiving ground below. Kisame whistled.

"God damn, that's gonna be quite a fall," said Kisame. Itachi whacked the back of Kisame's head with a roll of newspaper he bought at the village.

"Kisame! Do you have any idea what is down there!" yelled Itachi.

"The ground?" answered Kisame lamely. Silence filled the air as crickets could be heard.

"That is so lame, yeah," said Deidara while he waved his hands in the air.

"That's the lamest thing I heard since I was born," said the leader whose name hall not be spoken.

"Kisame, you really don't know what's down there?" asked Itachi. Kisame shrugged.

"It's a man's worst nightmare. There are strange creatures down there," said Itachi.

Naruto dusted himself as he got up from the ground. He didn't notice something watching him from the bush behind him.

"It makes its way to your back," continued Deidara.

The creature moved closer to Naruto quietly. Naruto was oblivious to it.

"Then it pounces on you," said Midare.

The creature pounced on Naruto, who dropped to the floor with a thud.

'Then it paralyzes you with its poison," said Baiu.

The creature sank its fangs into Naruto's neck and injected the poison, effectively paralyzing Naruto's arms and legs.

"Then it turns you around and then unzips your pants," continued Hidan.

The creature unzipped Naruto's pants, revealing his rather large member.

"Then it puts your 'little brother' in its mouth," Zetsu said.

The creature lowered its mouth onto Naruto's member.

"And then…" the leader whose name shall not be spoken but he was cut off my some moans and screams. "It makes you spill until you die."

Kisame turned white.

"Don't worry, Naruto! I'm coming!" yelled Kisame as he jumped down. The rest of the Akatsuki watched as the falling form of Kisame disappeared from their view.

"Ya think they'll be all right?" asked Zetsu.

"Do you wanna find out?" asked Itachi with an evil smirk on his face. Zetsu immediately shook his head like mad.

"Let's go home. I'm gonna play the new Dead or Alive 3 I bought," said the leader whose name shall not be named said. With that said, they took off, leaving their two comrades alone, deep in the mercy of what's below.

A few hours later…

The two abandoned Akatsuki members, Naruto and Kisame, dragged their tired and beaten up asses back to base.

"You finally arrived," said Itachi.

"Hey guys, I was right. They showed up before I finished my 300th box of Pocky," said Itachi. The others grumbled and handed the cash in their pockets to Itachi, who was laughing like a maniac while counting the money. Naruto and Kisame twitched like hell at Itachi's actions.

Then Kisame saw it. The new Dead or Alive 3. He rushed towards it and knocked Hidan out of the way and seized the controller for himself. Hidan stood up and pounced on Kisame, who screamed like a girl. The two rolled on the ground, fighting for the controller like two three year old boys. Kisame seeing an opportunity immediately pinned Hidan's hands above his head and held them down with one of his foot. His other foot positioned itself at Hidan's nose. That kept him silent. Kisame played the game happily while Hidan's face was turning blue from holding his breath from Kisame's Stinky Feet of Doom. Naruto took pity on Hidan and took an oxygen mask along with a short hose for Hidan to breathe in. Hidan was starting to breathe normally when Baiu had an evil smirk on his face. He took the short hose and attached it to a huge funnel and then placed the funnel on top of the toilet bowl with unflushed shit in it. The smell reached Hidan immediately and he struggled to get the mask off, but he had his hands pinned and Baiu was holding the mask to his face like an octopus holding its prey, there wasn't any chance for Hidan to break free. He took a sniff of the smell and immediately threw up. Naruto and Baiu laughed while rolling on the ground like they were being pushed by something. Naruto rolled too far out and fell down the stairs and Baiu laughed until his throat was so sore that he couldn't even drink properly.


	12. The Really Wierd Day

Kisame and Hidan were playing the new game that the leader whose name shall not be spoken bought yesterday. It seemed that Kisame was more skilled in using his favorite character, Ayane than Hidan was in using his favorite character, which was Tina. Kisame smirked when Ayane spun round and round and slammed Tina into the nuclear reactor in the game. The screen showed Ayane in a pose and big words that read 'Winner'.

"So, how'd it feel getting your ass fried by the master of DOA?" asked Kisame as his smirk reach from one end of his face to another.

"I WANT A REMATCH!!!" declared Hidan loudly. "I'M USING JANN LEE!"

"Ok then. I'll go easy on you. I'll use Lei Fang," said Kisame with a smirk.

So they had a rematch.

After ten seconds…

"I win again!" declared Kisame with a smile. Hidan couldn't believe it. "Hidan, you really suck at this game!"

"NO! I WANT ANOTHER REMATCH!" yelled Hidan.

"No way man! You suck!" argued Kisame. They argued like that for an hour, Hidan saying he wanted a rematch and Kisame replying that he sucked and should just quit the game all the same. Suddenly the door busted open and Naruto stood there, his clothes torn and dirty. Kisame and Hidan were surprised.

"God damn! What happened to you!" Kisame exclaimed.

"I did it! I've got it! Yeah! Fuck you! Ha!" he yelled while jumping and running around the room like crazy.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! HE'S CRAZY! KILL HIM!" yelled Kisame as he grabbed Samehada and started hacking at Naruto wildly, who dodged his swings while screaming like crazy.

"KISAME! STOP! NOO!" yelled Itachi as he entered the room and joined Kisame in his run to catch a screaming Naruto. Finally Itachi jumped on Kisame's back, and wrapped his arms around the blue swordsman's neck, who was choking from the lack of air. Naruto stopped running and looked back. He saw Kisame turn purple due to the lack of air. He then swept Kisame's legs from underneath him, making him fall back on the ground on top of Itachi, who was seeing stars from the fall.

"YEAH! CAN YOU DIG IT! SUCKA!" he yelled as he placed his palm some inches away from his face and started shaking and nodding his head like crazy.

"Naruto, you're not Booker-T," said Hidan. Naruto ignored him and started to spin on his head. A vein popped up at the side of Hidan's head. He took a deep breath, and delivered an extremely high pitch scream directly at Naruto's ear. Naruto immediately fell to the floor rolling as he held his ear in pain. Hidan's scream was still playing through his mind. Kisame, who had recovered from the fall with Itachi, raised his Samehada directly above Naruto.

"I'm so sorry I have to do this, brat. But no crazy people are allowed in here!" he said with anime tears running down his cheeks as he brought the sword down. As soon as the sword touched Naruto, it bent like rubber. Kisame was utterly confused.

"What's wrong with my Samehada?" asked Kisame curiously. Suddenly Naruto got up and took a bite at Kisame's huge blue sword.

"Blueberry flavor! My favorite kind!" he said as he munched on the jelly Samehada. Kisame turned red with fury. So red that smoke came out of his ears and nostrils.

"WHERE'S MY SAMEHADA!!" he yelled angrily. Naruto ignored him and continued to munch on the delicious jelly. Itachi had cleverly left and played DOA with Hidan in hopes that the now red with fury blue man will ignore them.

"Right here," said a voice. Samehada appeared at the doorway and Kisame's eyes shone as bright as a thousand light bulbs. He dropped the jelly Samehada and rushed towards the real one and grabbed it.

"SAMEHADA! I MISSED YOU SO!" chanted Kisame as he hugged his sword.

"Naruto, why did you act like an idiot when you returned?" asked Itachi, who had defeated Hidan at DOA ten times straight.

"I got the new game! Winning Eleven 10!" he said as he held up the said game. Golden light appeared behind the game, making it look holy and they heard the holy sound like "Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" in the room.

"Yeah!!!" Kisame exclaimed as he jumped into the air. "Let's hold a tournament. We wager something that we precious to us. Winner gets it all."

"You're on!" said the rest of the organization.

"I'll wager this new Compaq laptop I bought yesterday! It has the Pro Duo Processor!" said Biau.

"I'll wager my most prized Icha Icha Paradise Limited Edition with naked pictures of hot girls inside!" declared Kisame.

"I'll wager most prized Yu-Gi-Oh card. The limited edition of Dark Magician Girl!" said Midare.

"I'll place my most valuable porn movie at stake!" said the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

"I'll wager my biggest teddy bear!" declared Deidara.

"I'll stake my most shiny and precious Sailormoon sticker!" yelled Tobi.

"I'll wager my ticket to Pockyland tomorrow, where all the Pocky are born!" said Itachi with stars in his eyes.

"I'll put my officially signed Real Madrid T-shirt on the line. The legendary striker Ronaldo wore this once!" declared Hidan.

"Fine! I'll wager my most precious thing! My Ramen tickets to Ichiraku!" yelled Naruto.

"Good, Now we all pick a number out of the box to determine our place in the tournament," said Kisame as he pulled a box from seemingly nowhere. Everybody took a number and Kisame arranged the names.

The arrangements were as the following:

Kisame vs Deidara

Tobi vs Leader

Itachi vs Midare

Biau vs Naruto

Hidan vs Biau/ Naruto

LET THE TOURNAMENT BEGIN!!!!

STOP!!! WE FORGOT TO DOTHE MOST IMPORTSANT THING!! WE FORGOT TO PICK TEAMS!!

"Everybody pick a team! Even international teams are accepted!" yelled Kisame. "We pick according to the numbers. I'll go first! I pick Brazil!"

"England!"

"Czech Republic!"

"Lyon!"

"Germany!"

"Bayern Munich!"

"Manchester United!"

"Arsenal!"

"Chelsea!"

THEN LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!!


	13. The Stupid Tournament

THE WINNING ELEVEN TOURNAMENT HAS STARTED!

**I'm too lazy to write about the whole tournament so I'll just write the final match and give the results of the rest.**

Knockout stage: Brazil 3, England 2

Czech 2, Lyon 1

Germany 4, Bayern Munich 0

Manchester United 0, Arsenal 1

Chelsea 0, Arsenal 7 (OMG! HE REALLY SUCKS!!)

Semi Finals: Brazil 4, Czech 2

Germany 3 Arsenal 4

AND NOW IS THE MATCH THAT YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!

THE WINNING ELEVEN-TOURNAMENT FINAL! LET'S LOOK AT OUR FINALISTS! AT HOME WE HAVE THE INTERNATIONAL TEAM OF BRAZIL!! AND ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PITCH!! PLEASE WELCOME ENGLAND'S ARSENAL!!!

Naruto and Kisame both took their seats in front of the television and checked their gaming controllers for any damages. When everything is set, they arranged the teams.

Kisame's team, Brazil used the normal 4-4-2 formation as follows:

Dida

Cafu Emerton Juan Roberto Carlos

Ronaldinho Kaka Gilberto Julio Baptista

Ronaldo Adriano

Naruto's team, Arsenal used the 4-5-1 to bolster up their midfield to nullify Brazil's powerful attacks. The line up are as follows:

Lehmanm

Hoyte Toure Senderos Clichy

Flamini Song Fabregas

Hleb Rosicky

Henry

Kisame smirked. Naruto smirked. Everybody got popcorn and soda and sat behind them to watch the game. The announcer for the match was Tobi. He held a microphone in his hands. Naruto and Kisame pressed start and the game was set. Now Tobi the announcer will take over.

"All right. The kick off has just started and Brazil has the ball. The ball is given to Gilberto. He carries it forward..." ranted on Tobi. Naruto tensed as Kisame's players started flooding the penalty box. Kisame's players sent in shot after shot in attempt to force an error from Naruto's team. Then Kisame made a terrible mistake and Naruto suddenly had the ball. Tobi will continue.

"HENRY! HENRY HAS THE BALL AND IS CARRYING IT FORWARD! THE KEEPER HAS COMEOUT OF HIS BOX TO GET THE BALL!! HENRY SLIPS PAST THE KEEPER AND A SHOT INTO THE BACK OF THE NET!! HENRY HAS OPENED THE SCORING FOR ARSENAL HERE!!!" yelled Tobi. Naruto jumped from his seat and ran around the room while Kisame was getting nervous by the second. Naruto continued to jump and run around like a maniac before Itachi swatted him with a fly swatter. A giant fly swatter. Naruto was smoking like hell form the ground.

"Naruto, the game's about to restart," said Itachi. Naruto quickly bolted from the ground to his seat and grabbed the controller.

"LET THE GAMES CONTINUE!!" yelled Tobi excitedly. Kisame kicked off again and this time carried the ball backwards. Naruto's players chased him until the other end of the field. Tobi will take over.

"Arsenal are chasing the ball. Cafu has the ball. A long pass to Ronaldinho. Clichy is immediately on him. Ronaldinho slips past Clichy and into the penalty box. Toure slides and misses Ronaldinho. Senderos rushes to make a tackle. He slides and misses. Ronaldinho still has the ball. Lehmanm is tensed. RONALDINHO WITH A SHOT!! OHHH! BLOCKED BY LEHMANM!!!! The clock states that it is nearly half time. Lehmanm with a goal kick. The ball finds Fabregas. Carries it forward. Passes it to Rosicky. Down the left wing. Cross into the box. HENRY JUMPS UP FOR THE HEADER!!! HENRY WITH A HEADER!!!! OHHH!! BLOCKED BY DIDA!!! And the referee has signaled the first half to come to an end," finished Tobi. Kisame was panting like a dog during half time. Naruto was seating profusely.

"Damn it, brat, you're good," praised Kisame.

"Thanks. You're not so had yourself," said Naruto. "Let's finish this game." Naruto smirked as did Kisame and started the second half. Tobi will cover for me.

"And we are back to the game. The second half, which is the most important half of the game. Arsenal with a kick off and the ball gets Fabregas. Fabregas passes it back to Senderos, who gives it to Hoyte. A pass to Hleb. Hleb brings the ball forward. Fabregas has also come to assist the attack. Hleb gives it to Fabregas. SHOT BY FABREGAS!!!! YES!!! ITS IN!!!! YES!!! FABREGAS HAS SCORED ONE FOR ARSENAL HERE!!!!" yelled Tobi while clinging onto Deidara like a koala bear. Naruto was running around the room, celebrating his goal. Then he jumped on Itachi and clung onto him like a monkey. Itachi then took out a giant roll of newspaper and hit him at the back of his head.

"Naruto, the game," said Itachi pointing at the TV. Naruto immediately was in his seat, controller in his hands. Tobi will do the job.

"All right. The game is down to just fifteen minutes left. Arsenal have the lead and Brazil are trying to save the game by making some switches here. Substitution for Brazil…Replacing number 9, Ronaldo is number 11, Robinho. Let the games begin! Brazil with a kick off. Robinho has the ball. He carries it forward. Great footwork. Slipped past the defense! SHOT!!! YES!!! IT IS IN!!!! A GOAL FROM THE SUBSTITUTE GIVES BRAZIL SOME HOPE!!!" yelled Tobi while standing on Itachi's head. Naruto was getting nervous. If Kisame could manage to slip another goal, then he would be in trouble. He immediately made some changes to his team. Tobi will be overseeing the rest of the game.

"Substitution for Arsenal…replacing number 17, Alexander Song, is number 10, William Gallas. Replacing number 14, Thierry Henry is number 32, Theo Walcott. Arsenal changes to suit the defense better and perhaps hope that they could snatch another goal. Arsenal kick off. Walcott has the ball. He passes it to Hleb. Walcott rushes into the penalty box. Hleb with a high cross. Theo jumps for the header! Theo gets there first! THEO WALCOTT!!! IT IS IN!!!!! ARENAL HAS WON IT HERE!!!! IT IS GURANTEED!!!" yelled Tobi as he hung upside down from the ceiling. Naruto was running around the room, doing summersaults as he screamed in joy. Yep. Screamed. Not shouted. "THE REFEREE HAS BLOWN THE WHISTLE TO A STOP!!! ARSENAL HAS WON IT!!" Naruto jumped towards the prizes, which consisted of the laptop, Sailormoon sticker, porn movie and the ticket to Pockyland. Kisame cried like a baby and the organization was trying to calm him down, but every time he thought back to how he nearly won, be was not able to control his tears. Naruto seeing his situation, decided to do something about it. He walked over to Kisame, who was shaking like a baby.

"How about tonight we watch the new porn movie together?" whispered Naruto into his ear. Kisame immediately had stars in his eyes. Naruto smiled.

So throughout the whole night, Kisame and Naruto watched the porn movie in Naruto's room and the moans from the movie were heard everywhere, especially by the leader, who was crying and biting his pink blankie from the loss of such a wonderful porn movie.


	14. Pockyland!

"Naruto, please!"

"No!"

"Please! I'm begging you!"

"Cut it out! Ya look like a child!!"

"Naruto, please! Without it, my life has no meaning!!!"

"Gawd!!! Stop bothering me!!!"

"Please!!! (Insert puppy dog eyes here)" Naruto found himself in an awkward situation. Itachi was in front of him, begging like a child with those cute puppy dog eyes of his to have Naruto return his ticket to Pockyland.

"Itachi!! If you don't stop begging like a kid, I swear I'll tear that accursed ticket into shreds!!" yelled Naruto desperately so as to get Itachi to stop.

"I don't care!!! You would cast it aside anyways!! Then it will gather dust, making it lose its beauty!! Why don't you do a good deed and give it to someone who really needs it!!" cried Itachi with anime tears flowing down his eyes.

"I need to escape!!!" Naruto yelled as he bolted for the door. But before he could move, Itachi grabbed his leg.

"Naruto!! Please!! Can you not understand that my life is all about Pocky!!" begged Itachi as Naruto struggled to drag him across the ground in attempt to get the weird Uchiha to let go.

"Let go, you weirdo!!" said Naruto as he tried to pry Itachi off him, but Itachi clung on like a koala bear.

"Not until you return my ticket!!!" begged Itachi as he clung on harder.

"Itachi!!! How could you!!!" yelled Deidara when he saw what Itachi was doing.

"Thank goodness that you're…"

"You didn't call me!" Naruto's face paled. Then Deidara grabbed Naruto's other leg and started begging as well.

"Please Naruto!!! I need my teddy bear!!!" begged the bomb user.

"GAWD!!! JESUS!! YA ALLAH!! AMITHABA!!! HELP ME!!!!" yelled Naruto while trying to pry off the two beggars.

"Naruto!! I'm begging you!! I need by teddy bear!! Without it, my heart and room will never be full! Then I'll have to stare at the teddy shaped wall everyday!! Don't do this to me, Naruto!!!"

"Naruto!!! Please!!!! I need to go to Pockyland today!! They're holding a competition to see who can eat the most Pocky in an hour!!! Winner gets a lifetime supply of Pocky from Pockyland!!"

"None of my biz!!" Naruto was rapidly doing hand seals but then the leader whose name should not be spoken grabbed one of his hands and stared begging as well.

"Naruto! I need that porn movie to survive!! Please give it back!!" begged the leader. He was about to do one-hand seals when Tobi grabbed his other arm.

"Naruto!! I need the Sailormoon sticker back!!!! I can't sleep without it!!"

"Too bad!!" yelled Naruto. Naruto shook off the leader whose name shall not be spoken and made a one hand seal quickly and gathered some charka. Then he pointed towards coffin that was there for some random reason and made a genjutsu of their items.

"All right!! Your stuff is there!!" pointed Naruto at the coffin that was covered in a genjutsu. The begging group immediately ran towards the stuff. Naruto heard some screams and was satisfied.

"Now what should I do?" asked Naruto to himself. Then he snapped his fingers. "I'll go to Pockyland!" Immediately Itachi appeared in front of him, kneeling.

"Please take me with you!!!" said Itachi as he clung on to Naruto's legs.

"Gah!!! Where did you appear from!!!" exclaimed Naruto while trying to get the Uchiha that was clinging on to him like he was glued to Naruto.

"I've been here all along!! Please take me with you!!" begged Itachi. Naruto sighed.

"All right, I'll take you along with me," said Naruto tiredly. Itachi immediately had stars in his eyes and jumped around like a kid.

So they took off…to the place where all Pocky are born…POCKYLAND!!!

Itachi jumped like a rabbit as soon as they arrived at Pockyland. God damn! The place was like a city in its own right. Rides shaped like Pocky, cars shaped like Pocky, hell! Even the clothes people wear here are shaped like Pocky. Itachi's eyes shone brighter than the brightest stars and his droll flowed faster than the Victoria Falls. Naruto was just simply amazed by the sheer size and the fact that everything was made to look like Pocky.

Naruto entered the Pocky like gates, guarded by soldiers who wore Pocky box as their uniforms and held giant Pocky sticks as their weapons. Itachi munched on the giant weapons that the soldiers were carrying and found that his teeth hurt like hell.

"Let's go in. You want to join the Pocky eating competitor, don't you?" said Naruto as he pulled Itachi from the Pocky cotton candy stand. "Where is it held?"

"At the heart of Pockyland," answered Itachi with a golden light behind him, making him look like an angel and then there's the 'haaaaaaaaaaah' holy sound.

"The heart of Pockyland?" said Naruto as he took out a map of the said land and began to examine it. At the centre of the map, a heart shaped drawing was seen. It read 'The Heart of Pockyland'.

Naruto then closed the map and sighed. He looked around. Itachi was busy drooling over a giant stick of Pocky that a child carried around and waved it in front of his face and then licking it. Naruto pulled Itachi's Pockyland shirt and dragged him across the ground.

He followed the signs that said 'This way to the Heart of Pockyland'. Soon he came on to another sign that said 'The Heart of Pockyland this way!' So he kept dragging Itachi across the ground. Itachi kept yelling about something with rhymed between 'NOOO!! DON'T GO THERE!! And WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!'

Naruto finally came upon another sign that said 'This way to the Heart of Pockyland'. Naruto thought that the sign looked familiar but paid no attention to it. Itachi kept ranting about their deaths and offending the gods of Pocky and then said something about the almighty Pocky shamans. Naruto paid no attention to his ranting and continued to drag him across the ground until his pants had a hole in them and revealed his Pocky underwear. Naruto slapped his head and dragged his hand down to his face.

Then Itachi kneeled down in front of him.

"Oh mighty Pocky god! It is my honor to be seeing you!" he worshipped. Naruto looked behind him and saw a giant man with a box of Pocky for his head and Pocky sticks for fingers and toes.

"Who are you?" asked Naruto loudly while pointing at the giant man.

"I am the god of all Pocky!!! I am the one that oversees the whole procedure. I have known that Itachi here is a big fan of Pocky. But to prove that, Itachi!" called the god. Itachi immediately perked up. "The holy Pocky handshake!" Itachi nodded and immediately was in front of the god. Then he slapped his own butt three times as did the leader and then spun three times while flapping his arms and clucking like a chicken and then finally smashed their butts together. Naruto was twitching like crazy and had a vein popping above his eyebrows.

"THAT WAS THE LAMEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!!" Naruto yelled. Itachi immediately covered Naruto's mouth and told him to keep quiet. The god of Pocky was red with fury.

"WHO DARES INSULT THE GOD OF POCKY!!!" The almighty god of Pocky yelled angrily. Itachi was immediately on his knees, begging for forgiveness. Naruto just stood there.

"THE ALMIGHTY GOD OF POCKY DOES NOT FORGIVE THAT EASILY!! HE MUST PASS 'THE TEST'!!!" said the almighty god of Pocky.

"What test?" asked Naruto curiously.

"The test…is a game of Chinese chess with the almighty god of Pocky! Nobody here knows how to play that game! Except him! The almighty god of Pocky!!" declared Itachi proudly.

"Chinese chess? Piece of cake!" said Naruto. Immediately a Chinese chessboard appeared in front of him. The god of Pocky bowed as a sign of respect and Naruto returned the bow and they both took their seats. The leader had the first move.

After two hours of playing….

Naruto sighed as he moved his piece and cornered the almighty god of Pocky's king and then effectively ending the game. Naruto sighed again and got up and started to drag Itachi across the ground again.

"We're leaving," said Naruto. Itachi wanted to cry and protested that he wanted to enter the competition. The leader halted them.

"Wait! Let me take you to the heart of Pockyland!" said the almighty god of Pocky. He then opened a portal. Naruto and Itachi jumped into the portal.

They appeared in front of a building. The building was enormous and shaped like a love heart. Naruto could see that the building was beating like a heart. The sign in front of him read 'Welcome to the Heart of Pockyland!' Itachi was so happy that he jumped and hugged the beating heart. Naruto dragged him into the building. It was like a stadium here. Itachi immediately entered his name into the name of contestants and got a seat in the middle of the ring. Naruto sat in the front row after he poked a man in the ass and sent him flying into the air. Naruto watched as the Pocky judge introduced the contestants. Suddenly a small messenger bird landed on Naruto's shoulders. The bird chirped and Naruto smiled. The bird then flew away.

Naruto then walked up to the judge and whispered something into his ear. The judge nodded and smiled evilly. Naruto then grabbed another mike from the judge's pocket and tested it.

"YO! YO! YO! WHAT'S UP, POCKY LOVERS!!" he yelled in rap. The people immediately cheered.

"TODAY WE ARE GOING TO DO THIS A LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM BEFORE!! INSTEAD OF THE USUAL POCKY EATING CONTEST, WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT A POCKY MAKING CONTEST!! WHO EVER CREATES THE BEST POCKY AND THAT FLAVOR IS NOT IN THE CURRENT SELECTION, WINS THE LIFETIME SUPPLY OF POCKY!! YOU GUYS WILL BE THE JUDGES!!! WHAT DO YOU SAY!!!" yelled Naruto through his mike.

"YEAH!!!" yelled the crowd. The other judge was impressed.

"THEN BRING OUT THE INGREDIENTS!!!" yelled the other judge. Huge carts came in from the entrance carrying all the needed ingredients- eggs, milk, flour, fish heads, shark fins, dried beetles, pork chops, cow's eyes, lamb's tongue and all sorts of weird stuff. Naruto wanted to kill the judge right here for bringing in the stuff. The crowd threw up.

"Kill the stupid man!!!" yelled one of the audiences. Naruto slammed his palm on the ground and a large pillar of ice appeared. He grabbed it and smashed it against the original judge. He flew up and disappeared in a spark.

"OK!! LET'S GET THE REAL INGREDIENTS IN!!!" yelled Naruto. The REAL ingredients then came in. "OK!! I'M SURE THAT ALL OF YOU HAVE ALREADY KNOW WHAT KIND OF POCKY YOU WANT TO MAKE!! PLEASE TAKE YOUR INGREDIENTS!!!" Itachi and the other contestants went and fetched their ingredients. "BEGIN!!"

Itachi cracked two eggs into a big bowl and added some flour. Tobi, who appeared out of nowhere, will take over as announcer.

"ALL RIGHT!!! THE COMPETITION THIS YEAR IS QUITE DIFFERENT! THE POCKY MAKING CONTEST IS QUITE ORIGINAL, IS IT NOT? ANYWAYS, LET'S HAVE A PEEK AT THEIR PROGRESS!!! LOOKS LIKE CONTESTANT NUMBER 1 HERE IS DOING GREAT!!!! NUMBER 2 ISN'T TOO BAD EITHER!!! AND FINALLY NUMBER 3 IS…OMG!!!! ITACHI!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!!!" yelled Tobi as he pointed at Itachi, who was humming a tune while mixing the ingredients. Tobi saw that it was GREEN in color. Itachi ignored him and continued to hum the tune and added some strange fruit flesh into the mixture and mixing it.

"I really pity you people," said Tobi through his mike softly. The audience gave him confused looks, but when Tobi pointed at Itachi's mixture, everybody paled. People tried to escape, but found that they couldn't move for some unknown reason. Itachi had an evil smile as he put the biscuits into the mixture and then place them in a freezer. The crowd was getting increasingly worried as Itachi smiled his evil smile.

The timer ticked and Itachi skipped to the freezer while humming his unknown tune. Naruto was scared shitless as was Tobi. Naruto then gathered the courage o collect the contestants' Pocky as the competition neared its end.

Naruto then gave the made Pocky to the audience. The first one's shook like a washing machine as he picked up the made Pocky and tasted it, one by one, until he reached Itachi's. He placed the green Pocky in his mouth and for a few seconds nothing happened. Then it happened.

"MY GOD!!! THIS IS THE BEST POCKY EVER!!!!" he said as tars shone all around his body. Naruto was surprised and took one and placed it in his mouth and instantly felt like he was in heaven. Tobi then did the same, and he immediately went and hugged Itachi and kissed his cheeks, only to be slammed away and knocked out. But as soon as he sniffed the Pocky, he was immediately up.

"THIS IS THE BEST!!!! WHAT FLAVOR IS THIS!!!" yelled Naruto.

"Lizard and snake's liver," replied Itachi. Immediately the crowd looked at him, and froze. The wind carried a ball of hay as the crowd continued to stay frozen. Itachi smiled. "Just kidding. It's avocado." Naruto immediately summoned a blue dragon of considerable size and then yelled "GET HIM!!!" the dragon then shot cold icy winds out of its mouth towards Itachi, who was running and dodging the dragon's strikes while sucking on his thumb.

After two hours…

"ITACHI IS THE WINNER!!!" announced Tobi as he pointed to Itachi, who had all his hair and fur frozen by the dragon and was shivering like a madman. Yep. All his fur and hair. Including his **ahem** hair. Naruto carried him and the receipt of the lifetime supply of Pocky and left with Tobi.

The other contestants cried like babies.


	15. Back to Konoha

Naruto was enjoying the new game Need for Speed: Carbon when the leader whose name shall not be spoken stood between him and the TV. Naruto's car lost control and crashed, allowing the computer cars to overtake him and beat him to the finish line.

"NOOOOOOO!" yelled Naruto while holding his head with both hands and shaking his head like crazy.

"Don't yell. You have a mission," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken and handed him a scroll. Naruto opened the scroll and read its contents.

"Will someone come with me?" asked Naruto as he read the contents of the scroll.

"Your mission is very simple. Go to Konoha in disguise and gather the required information about some unsettling rumors about a possible war in the near future," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

"What does a war have to do with us?" asked Naruto as he slapped the scroll shut.

"Well, for one thing the rumor states that the war will be held very close to our base to ignore and there's another objective- to kill a person who knows too much about us," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

"Who do I have to kill?" asked Naruto.

"You don't have to kill anybody. Itachi will do it," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken said.

"Okay, the time limit?" asked Naruto.

"A fortnight at most. Later than that, I'll have you eat Kisame's stew for three months," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken with a smile on his face and his eyes in an upside down 'U' shape. Naruto paled and his eyes widened. He remembered Kisame's stew. Itachi had saved him from certain death.

"I'll leave immediately," announced Naruto as he made a move to bolt for the door.

"Naruto!" called the leader whose name shall not be spoken. Naruto immediately froze like a statue. "Don't do anything stupid." Naruto nodded and left. Itachi was waiting for him while playing the new game Need for Speed: Carbon.

"Are you ready to leave?" asked Itachi as he crossed the finish line to win the game.

"Yeah," came the reply. "Lets go. I don't want any part of Kisame's cooking in my body." Itachi nodded and left with Naruto.

Naruto and Itachi were speeding through the forest. Naruto looked distant. Itachi sighed.

"Naruto, I know what you are feeling right now," said Itachi.

"I still can't get over the incident with Sasuke and the villagers," said Naruto.

"I know. When I came to Konoha for the first time when I was a missing ninja, I was like you. But everything turned out all right for me. So don't sweat it. It'll be okay," said Itachi, hoping to comfort Naruto.

"Who do are you going to kill, Itachi?" asked Naruto.

"A man," was the reply. Naruto slapped his forehead.

"I know that, man. I want to know the _name_ if the person you're going to kill," said Naruto, emphasizing the name word.

"Uzumaki Naruto," joked Itachi.

"I see, so you just have to find this Uzumaki Narut- WAIT!! THAT'S ME!! YA GONNA KILL ME!!" yelled Naruto. Itachi laughed like a maniac and fell down form the branch he was on. Naruto looked as he disappeared from his view. Naruto whistled. "God damn! What a fall. Oh well, better rescue him." Naruto then jumped down to the forest floor.

"Hey, Itachi! Where are you, man?" yelled Naruto as he searched for Itachi.

"Naruto…" came the voice. It was broken and weak. Naruto looked around. He saw Itachi, on the ground and smoking like a packet of burning cigars.

"What happened to you?" asked Naruto as he squatted down to Itachi's level.

"I fell down," Itachi said lamely.

"Whatever. Let's get going," said Naruto as he rolled his eyes. Naruto then pulled Itachi to his feet and they continued with their journey to Konoha.

It was late in the afternoon and Itachi and Naruto had reached the main gates of Konoha. Entering was child's play as Naruto and Itachi transformed into a boy with brown hair and no whisker marks and a young man in his twenties with blue eyes to enter. They stayed at a five star hotel in Konoha with hot springs and PS2 in their rooms. A DVD surround sound home theatre system was also available in the room. A wide selection of movies and games were available inside a cupboard next to the 29' plasma flat screen.

"This place looks like a mini base of ours," said Naruto. Itachi smirked as he scanned the cupboard for some good games to play. He found one: The Guy Game, and immediately started playing it. Naruto settled for the hot springs. The hot springs were about the same as any other public hot springs, except that they were cleaner and were more comfortable.

Naruto dipped into the hot springs and closed his eyes and let out a relaxed sigh as he did so. He felt the warmth of the water and relaxed his tense body. The springs were so relaxing that he nearly fell asleep. A sound snapped him wide-awake.

"Did you hear? Sasuke-kun is getting married!" exclaimed a voice. It came from the other side of the wall.

"Really? Who's the lucky bitch?" asked another voice excitedly.

"I think her name was Haruno Sakura," answered the first voice. Naruto's charka immediately flared up at the mention of the pink girl's name. Unconsciously he released a considerable amount of killing intent. The two persons were getting scared.

"I feel scared all of a sudden. Let's get back into our room," said the first voice hurriedly. Splashed of water could be heard as they left the comfort of the springs.

Naruto felt down all of the sudden. He felt so sad and so…betrayed. The water dripped from his hair to the springs, which no longer felt comfortable. Naruto got up and left the hot springs and went back to his room.

Itachi was playing the perverted game that he picked out just now. He stopped when Naruto entered the room looking very depressed.

"Naruto, what's wrong?" asked Itachi as he stood up.

"Nothing," said Naruto sadly. Itachi smiled.

"I know what's wrong. You have met or heard about the person that chased you out, right?" asked Itachi as he took a seat beside Naruto at the couch. Naruto said nothing. Itachi smiled at him. "Think about this. If the person hadn't done what she did, you wouldn't have met Kisame and I. Then you wouldn't have been able to be part of this Organization. To tell you the truth, I am happier at this Organization than I ever was back at Konoha."

"I know that, but still…" he let the sentence hang.

"But it still hurts, right? Don't worry. Go to sleep. We need to work tomorrow," aid Itachi as he jumped onto his bed and snored like a pig. Naruto just smiled at his antics.


	16. The Encounter

Naruto was walking towards the Ichiraku ramen stall. It's been a long time since he ate there. Naruto looked around as he traveled. His heart ached when he saw the villagers. Soon he reached the desired destination and sat down.

"What will be your order?" asked the old chef as he smiled.

"Just give me two bowls of Chicken ramen," answered Naruto and the chef immediately got to work. Naruto sighed as he looked at the old stall. Noting had changed expect that the owners had grown older.

"Nee-chan, can I get some water please?" asked Naruto as Ayame came to his field of vision. Ayame smiled and nodded and immediately poured a cup of water and gave it to Naruto. "Thank you." Naruto took the cup and sipped the water before the old man came with his order.

"Enjoy," said the old man as he placed the ramen in front of Naruto. Naruto nodded and took a pair of wooden chopsticks and split them open. Naruto then proceeded to eat his meal in silence. As Naruto was eating his meal, he didn't want to see appeared.

Sakura and the other girls, namely Hinata, Ino and Tenten came to the stall. Naruto immediately dug his head deeper into his meal in hopes that they would not recognize him. Naruto listened as they spoke to each other. This was a good chance to gather some information on the war.

"Sakura, you are so lucky. Sasuke-kun asked for your hand in marriage," exclaimed Ino.

"Yes, Sakura-san, you are indeed very lucky," continued Hinata.

"Ya, girl. You are going to be the first to get to do 'it'! I want all the details after you do it!" said Tenten in an excited voice. Sakura blushed.

"Come on, cut it out. I'm getting married after the war. I'm not too sure if we're going to survive this one," said Sakura sadly.

"Don't worry. Sasuke-kun will protect you," said Ino with a grin on her face.

"Nee-chan," called Naruto. Ayame went over to Naruto. Naruto gave Ayame some money and left. He took a deep breath to ease the pain in his heart. Naruto then walked around Konoha, going from places to places randomly. Finally he stopped, and looked up. He saw what used to be his apartment.

It was covered in graffiti and the windows were broken. Naruto went into the apartment. He touched the cold, hard walls. He saw that his furniture was still there, overturned and some broken. He went into his room. The bed was in half and his wardrobe was still standing, but the doors were missing. Spider webs filled the corners of the rooms and the dust on his small writing desk was about an inch thick. He walked around the room, looking at the things he used to own. The picture of his old team, a picture of Yuki kissing him when he was unconscious and finally a red thin book. Naruto picked up the book and flipped it open. It was his journal. He randomly stopped at a page.

_Sasuke left the village. I was part of the team sent to retrieve him. We were all aware that we would not survive this mission, but we went anyways. I just hope that this goes well for us…_

Naruto flipped to the next page.

_Today may be that last time I write in this journal. The council kicked me out of this village, and Sakura-chan blamed me because Sasuke was so badly injured that he was better off dead. Maybe I should have just let him die. I kind of regret going after him, although I managed to keep my promise to Sakura-chan. She was my world, but she was also the one that destroyed my world. I'm leaving, and I hope that the my friends here can live happily for the rest of their lives. Tsunade baa-chan, Ero-sennin, Iruka-sensei… I will miss them…_

Naruto flipped to another page. It was blank. He then nicked his pointer finger and began to write.

_I'm back. But only for a short time. Sasuke and Sakura are getting married, and I sincerely hope that they live happily. My heart still aches from what she did to me years ago. I know that it's been a long time but still…that memory can never be erased from my mind. Today I saw her at Ichiraku, and she looked like she was very happy. I hold no grudge against her, just that I need some time to get over this pain. But still, I will attend their wedding after the war if they survive. This will be the last time I write here, and I hope once again that the happy couple will live happily as long a they live._

Naruto placed the book on the ground, allowing the blood to dry. He looked out the window and saw the view that he once enjoyed. Konoha was beautiful, but to Naruto this was a place of bad memories and a terrible past. Naruto watched as the villagers went on with their daily lives from the broken window and thought back to the good times when he was still with Team 7. He didn't notice that someone was behind him until the person spoke.

"What are you doing here?" came the voice. Naruto turned around and saw Sakura. Realizing Sakura may recognize him despite his transformation, he quickly turned and jumped out of the window and bolted out of the area. Sakura quickly went o the window, but Naruto was long gone. Sakura looked around the room and her eyes landed on the little red book that was Naruto's journal. Sakura picked up the little red book and read its most recent entries. Unconsciously tears fell from her eyes, and she rubbed the tears with the back of her hand.

Sasuke entered the room suddenly and saw that his fiancé was shedding tears. He looked at Sakura and asked what's wrong.

"He's back…" she muttered. Sasuke looked shocked.

"What? He's back?" came the shocked voice of Sasuke. "How're you so sure that it's him?" Sakura handed him the book with the last page opened. Sasuke read it, and his expression changed to one of sadness. He hugged Sakura gently, and looked out the window. _'If you're back, why didn't you come see us?' _he thought.

Naruto sped through the streets, his legs carrying him to an unknown place. He kept his eyes closed, so he didn't have a clue where he went. He stopped suddenly and opened his eyes. He looked at his surroundings- it was the training grounds that his old team used. He looked at the three logs in the center of the field. He walked towards the one in the middle, and then remembered the time that he was tied to it. His hand reached out to touch it- it was smooth, just like he remembered it.

"Brings back old memories, does it?" came a voice. Naruto turned around and saw two persons.

"So it really is you," said one of them.

"What are you talking about?" asked Naruto, hoping that they would not pursue this matter any further.

"Don't pretend like you don't know us. I can see through that henge of yours with my Sharingan," said Sasuke, who was one of the persons. Sakura, the other person, spoke up.

"Naruto…is it you?" asked Sakura, her voice had a tinge of sadness in it.

"I have some matters at hand, so I'll be leaving now," he said quickly and then disappeared. Sasuke immediately gave chase, but Sakura stopped him.

"He's not ready yet," said Sakura. Sasuke nodded and stopped his attempt to chase Naruto.


	17. Shizune

Naruto lay on the soft bed that was in his hotel room. His mind wandered down the memory lane. He thought back to the time in Konoha, and his mission to retrieve Sasuke and…what Sakura did. His could feel a painful lump in his throat and his heart ached like it's been stabbed by a kunai. He felt his tears fell freely but he didn't care.

He sat up and wiped off his tears. He then left the building and went into town in disguise, not by henge this time. He wore a black t-shirt and light brown trousers. He used a genjutsu to make his hair appear brown and made his whisker marks disappear.

He wandered around the town aimlessly, going where his legs unconsciously brought him. Finally he stopped and looked up. The Hokage building stood in front of him. Naruto thought back to the times when he was in Konoha, he used to visit the Hokage building a lot. He hadn't entered the building in a long time and he wanted to see what had changed inside.

"Why not?" he muttered to himself. He then entered the building. The first thing he saw was Sasuke and Sakura. Beside them was Shizune. She was instructing Sakura on the finer arts of medical surgery while Sasuke was looking at them with a small smile, his arms folded across his chest. He looked around some more, wandering deeper into the building. He touched the walls of the building, and wandered from door to door. Nothing much had changed about the building.

"What are you doing here?" asked a voice. The voice caught Naruto with his guard down and startled him. He nearly dropped his disguise, but managed to keep it on. Naruto turned around to face the person. It was Shizune.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," Naruto said as he waved hi hands in front of him. Shizune looked unconvinced. Her eyes looked at him from head to toe, as if scanning his entire being.

"Are you spying on Tsunade-sama?" asked Shizune with her eyebrows raised.

"No, I was just…just…nothing…" said Naruto, his eyes were getting watery. Shizune saw this.

"Listen, why don't you and I talk over a cup of tea? My treat," said Shizune. Naruto just nodded and Shizune led him into the cafeteria. She ordered tea for herself and Naruto and they drank in silence.

"So, what's wrong?" asked Shizune. When Naruto didn't respond, she smiled. "Don't worry, I'm a specialist. I'll help."

"Nothing. I just had a terrible past. I'm over it though, but this village reminds me so much of the place I come from. Even the people are almost the same," said Naruto as he sniffled. Shizune took hold of his hands.

"Tell me about your past," said Shizune softly. Naruto nodded and swallowed the painful lump in his throat.

"I was born in a big village nearby quite similar to this place. It was also a ninja village. The shinobi in the village as well as the villagers themselves despised me for something I had no control over. It was a curse from the second I was born. They shunned me away whenever I come close to them. It was only like this at first, but later as I grew older everything got worse. Assassination attempts at me were made by the ninjas from the village. The leader of the village protected me all the time. When I became a ninja, the girl of my dreams and my best friend were on my team," Naruto stopped and sniffled and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Everything was well at first, but then my best friend left the village. My other teammate was in love with him, and she begged me to get him back. I went to retrieve him with a team, but we didn't expect that they would be interference. So in the end I went after him alone and fought. He put a hole in my chest, but that didn't matter. I grinded his bones and I dragged him back from the battlegrounds. I dragged him back inch by inch, my arms ached so much and the hole in my chest wasn't any better. I met my team halfway there and they were injured, but were fine. So we went back to the village. I saw her, my other teammate, the girl of my dreams. I remember she came rushing, and she slapped me in the face for bringing in my best friend half dead. It was so painful that I wanted to die…" Naruto said, as the tears he fought so hard to suppress came down his cheeks.

He coughed, trying with all his might to get rid of the painful lump in his throat.

"She was my world, but she was also the one who destroyed my world," said Naruto as he swallowed again to ease the pain in his throat. Shizune then realized something.

Flashback 

_Shizune read the Naruto's journal that Sakura had given to her earlier. _

_Today may be that last time I write in this journal. The council kicked me out of this village, and Sakura-chan blamed me because Sasuke was so badly injured that he was better off dead. Maybe I should have just let him die. I kind of regret going after him, although I managed to keep my promise to Sakura-chan. She was my world, but she was also the one that destroyed my world. I'm leaving, and I hope that my friends here can live happily for the rest of their lives. Tsunade baa-chan, Ero-sennin, Iruka-sensei… I will miss them…_

_End Flashback_

"Naruto?" she said unconsciously. "Is that you?" Naruto looked away.

"I have to go," said Naruto as he got up.

"Naruto, come back to us. We miss you," said Shizune.

"I miss you too…but now I'm a missing ninja…I can't come back. But I'm doing great now. Please, nee-chan, please understand that my place is no longer here," said Naruto sadly.

"Naruto…at least tell me where you live. I can visit you I if have time," said Shizune.

"I can't… I live with a secret group…we can't reveal our location…" answered Naruto. "But I promise you when things smoothen out for us I'll tell you our location."

"Promise?" asked Shizune. Naruto smiled for the first time since coming to Konoha.

"I promise, nee-chan," said Naruto. Naruto was about to leave when suddenly he remembered why he was in Konoha the first place. "Nee-chan? There are rumors about a war. Is that true?"

"Yes. We're going to war soon with Stone, Cloud and Rain. The Sand is helping us, but our odds of winning are close to nil. I wished that there was no need for a war, but it is inevitable," answered Shizune.

"Is the war going to be at the borders of Earth and Fire Nations?" asked Naruto. Shizune nodded. "I see."

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason actually. We just want o avoid the battlegrounds." A small blue bird landed on his shoulder. The bird chirped twice and Naruto nodded. He whistled and the bird took off.

"What was that?" asked Shizune.

"I must go. It is time for me to leave. Please keep this a secret," said Naruto as he hugged Shizune.

"I will…" muttered Shizune. Naruto smiled and disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

Two days later…

"Please…help them…" begged Naruto.

Konoha was fighting a losing battle against their opponents. They were slowly being pushed back.

"Leader-san, please! I'll even give you your porn movie back!" begged Naruto. The leader whose name shall not be spoken sighed.

"All right…we'll help the…" declared the leader. Naruto and the rest of Akatsuki jumped up in joy.

Tsunade was about to be hit by a powerful lightning jutsu when suddenly…


	18. The Strange Start to the War

Tsunade watched as the powerful bolt of lightning rushed towards her at amazing speeds. She closed her eyes and waited for the impact to come, but it never did. She opened her eyes and saw a rather big blue and spiky sword in front of her.

"My, my, its not like Konoha to lose a war like that," came a voice from beside the sword. Tsunade looked at the owner of the voice, which was beside the sword and gasped. Kisame stood there, grinning like a madman while leaning against his sword.

"What are you doing here!" exclaimed Tsunade.

"We're here to fight!" declared Kisame as he swung his sword left and right and shouting like a kid. There was a loud thud and he was on the ground, smoking like a burning jungle.

"Kisame! Behave yourself!" said Itachi who appeared beside Kisame, holding a broken giant fly swatter in his hands.

"Itachi! What are you doing here!" exclaimed Tsunade again. Itachi smirked. He placed his hand into his robes. Tsunade and the rest of Konoha and Suna, including Gaara tensed. He drew his hand out and revealed…a box of Strawberry Pocky!! Tsunade and everybody else twitched. Itachi saw this, but he ignored them and munched happily on his Pocky.

"We're here…munch…munch…to…munch…munch…help...swallow…help you," said Itachi.

"The two of you?" asked Tsunade with her eyebrows raised. Itachi pointed to the top of a cliff. Tsunade followed his finger and saw seven figures standing on top of the cliff. Kisame waved both his hands high in the air and the seven figures appeared in front of him. Tsunade looked at the figures. One of them had blonde hair.

"Why are you helping us?" asked Shizune, who appeared beside Tsunade.

"It's a special request from a boy. One named Uzumaki Naruto," said Itachi.

"Naruto? Do you know where he is?" asked Sakura.

"Ah…the pink haired girl. Tell me this…where is my baby brother?" asked Itachi.

"Right here…" came the voice. Itachi felt cold metal press against his neck. Itachi disappeared and reappeared behind Sasuke.

"Ya too slow, little brother! NOW FEEL MY POWER!" Itachi yelled as he brought his leg to between Sasuke's legs. Sasuke clutched his balls and tightened his legs, making him look like a woman. Kisame laughed like a maniac. Tsunade and Shizune just whistled. Itachi took out another box of Pocky, a Blueberry flavored one this time, and began to munch away.

"You still haven't answered the question. Where's Naruto?" said Shizune.

"Let me talk to the pink haired one first," said Itachi as he walked towards Sakura. "Tell me…why do you wish to inquire Naruto's location? From what I've heard from his mouth, you are the reason why he left in the first place."

"I need to talk to him. Can you tell me where he is?" asked Sakura hopefully.

"It is true that I have his current location at the moment, as do my comrades. But I see no reason to give it to the likes of you. You slapped him, when he brought back to you my little brother, yes?" asked Itachi. Sakura looked down. She sniffled.

"YA A HEARTLESS WOMAN! YA KNOW THAT!" yelled Kisame from behind Itachi. Tears fell from Sakura's eyes.

"Itachi! Kisame! Enough!" yelled the blonde haired boy.

"Yes, we have a war to finish. Fight now, ask later," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

"Let's have some fun!" yelled Kisame as he danced around like a native Red Indian. Itachi pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Are you ready, Tsunade-sama?" asked Itachi. Tsunade clenched her fists.

"As ready as I ever will be," answered Tsunade.

"Good. Itachi and Kisame and I will remain here to help Konoha. Deidara and Blondie whose name shall not be spoken (Naruto) will help Suna. The rest…just hack away!" ordered the leader whose name shall not be spoken. They nodded and got into their posts. Kisame let out a loud battle cry and charged straight at the enemy. Tsunade and the rest just followed.

The war had begun!


	19. The Strange War and Akatsuki's Tea Break

The war has just started!

Kisame was smirking like the devil himself while hacking through the enemy like they were nothing. Itachi was…well…being Itachi. He trapped the enemy around him in a genjutsu that is similar to the Tsukoyomi and tortured them. Tsunade had just punched a Cloud ninja in the nose, breaking it and sent him flying like a rocket. Kisame then turned into FUN mode and held his sword in front of him like a spear. Then he started to run at the enemy, stabbing anyone who got in the way.

Naruto was at the other end of the battlefield and was slashing anyone who got within the range of his black and red katana. Deidara was…well…just doing what he does best-blowing things up. He threw a pineapple shaped grenade at forward and watched as the enemy turned into roast pig. He took out another one shaped like a shark and threw it to his right. It popped on a random shinobi and he was soaked.

"Huh?" he raised an eyebrow. He took out another one and threw it, having the same effects. "KISAME!!!! WHEN WE GET BACK, I'LL TURN YOU INTO SHARK FIN SOUP!!!"

Everyone in the battlefield heard the shout and everyone froze and looked at Kisame. Kisame laughed like a maniac while swinging his word randomly. He hit a Cloud ninja and killed him. A piece of clay landed on is head and exploded. It killed the enemy around Kisame and…well…fried him to blackness. Itachi kicked Kisame softly. He got no response.

"Hidan! I need your help!" yelled Kisame. Hidan was beside then in an instant. Itachi pointed at Kisame and Hidan nodded. He placed his mouth beside Kisame's ear.

"Kisame-chan, wake up," he said sweetly. Kisame shivered, but that was about it. So Hidan went to Plan B. He took a deep breath and delivered a high-pitched scream directly at Kisame's ear. That did the trick, as Kisame immediately grabbed his sword and hacked away crazily.

The leader whose name shall not be spoken was dancing cha cha in the middle of the battlefield, scaring his enemies and then killing them. He was having a good time when Kisame suddenly appeared in front of him. The Raikage and the Tuchikage were both fighting Gaara and Tsunade rushed to help.

"I'm leaving this to you guys," she told Itachi and Kisame, who had just come back from ruining the leader whose name shall not be spoken's dance. Itachi and Kisame shrugged. Then they turned to the Konoha army.

"Kisame, I need you to hold them off for a while," said Itachi as he pointed to the enemy. Kisame smiled like a child and charged. Itachi shrugged again and faced the Konoha army.

"Let's get to the point. I'm in charge now and anyone who doesn't like it can tell that to my Tsukoyomi," said Itachi. The Konoha army sweatdropped. One of the Chuunins raised his hand.

"Yes?" Itachi.

"Do we have a say in this?" asked the Chuunin. Itachi smiled and placed his hand into the pockets of his robes. The whole Konoha tensed. He withdrew his hand slowly and pulled out…a chest with a skull on it. His face then turned into one that could match a devil. The entire Konoha army was praying for their survival against Itachi. He opened the box and took out…an ice cream cone. The entire Konoha army fell down amine style. Itachi sew this, but paid no heed to it as he ate the ice cream.

"No…lick ice cream…you got no say in this…lick ice cream…" said Itachi. The Konoha army sighed. Itachi swallowed the last of the ice cream. "Okay, let's work on a plan while my partner there holds them off. Attacking straight on wont do, so we attack from other places. Who here knows Doton jutsus?" A quarter of the army raised their hands and Itachi nodded. "Okay, the plan is extremely simple. The Doton group will dig underground and travel to the back of the enemy's army. Then from there one-forth of you will raid the camp they set up near by. Others will attack from behind, got it?" When he got the nods, he smiled. "Do it." A quarter of the army went underground. Itachi then signaled for the remaining army to charge.

Kisame was holding his ground against the enemy by defending. He didn't attack, no. Why? Because he wanted to see Itachi's plan. So, he didn't kill anyone when Itachi said to hold him off. Itachi appeared in front of him.

"Is the plan ready?" asked Kisame excitedly. Itachi nodded. Kisame smiled. "Then let's start killing!" he began to hack his way through the thick army of soldiers. Konoha army met their army in a violent clash and they began fighting like hell. Suddenly from behind the enemy Konoha shinobi rose and began to attack them from behind. The Raikage and Tuchikage looked at the battle from their positions.

"Cowards. You attacked from behind!" exclaimed the Raikage.

"No, man. That is what we call strategy," said Biau who appeared beside Tsunade.

"God, I'm tired of killing these weaklings. I'm ready for the big ones!" said Midori as he landed beside Gaara.

"Yeah! Let's kill them!" yelled Gaara as he raised his arm. Everyone looked at him as if he was a second Naruto. Gaara noticed the looks. "What?!"

"Nothing…" said Biau, Midori and Gaara in an innocent like tone.

"Let's end this war!" said Tsunade as she cracked her knuckles. Tsunade raised her fists above her head. Gaara and the two Akatsuki members paled.

"RUN!!!!" shouted Gaara as they bolted out of the place like bullets. From the distance, a loud crash could be heard as Tsunade rammed her powerful fist on the ground.

"Gawd! That was close! We could have been pancakes!" stated Midori.

"But we didn't. So, let's go see how Itachi is doing," said Midori. They nodded and disappeared. Itachi was sitting on the ground with Kisame with a considerably large selection of cakes and cookies in front of them. They were sipping tea from an English teacup, complete with the little saucers.

"Itachi! You didn't invite us!" yelled Biau. Itachi stopped sitting his tea and looked up.

"Help yourselves," said Itachi. Gaara and company immediately sat down and started their tea break.

"KISAME!!" came Deidara's voice. Kisame immediately hid behind Gaara. A piece of clay fell in front of Itachi.

"Kisame! Catch!" yelled Itachi. Kisame caught the piece of clay. "Gaara! I need to talk to you." So Gaara sat beside Itachi. A small explosion was heard and Kisame was on the ground, frozen. Literally. His mouth was trembling and his body was covered in thick ice.

"Good lord! Thank you, Itachi! You saved me!" exclaimed Gaara as he hugged Itachi. Itachi fainted.

"Dei! Itachi's dead!" yelled Kisame. Deidara appeared beside Itachi.

"Itachi! Why did you die!" sobbed Deidara.

"I'm not dead, fool," Itachi said. Deidara immediately took out a special bomb from his robes. "Time to test my Kisame Bomb Prototype!" He pressed a button on the bomb and it glowed. Deidara began to laugh like a mad scientist. But the bomb blew up in his face.

"DEI! YA LOOK LIKE FRIED STEAK!" exclaimed Kisame as he pointed at Deidara and laughed like a hyena.

"Hi! I'm back from the battlefield!" said Naruto.

"Just in time! We're having tea! Come join us!" said Itachi.

"So, who's fighting the war?" asked Gaara.

"The others," stated Naruto. The party shrugged and sipped their tea, waiting for the war to end.


	20. Continuing Tea

The war was pretty much over by now. Naruto and company were still sipping tea and enjoying their cakes and cookies when the leader whose name shall not be spoken came into their line of sight.

"Care to tell me why you all are not fighting, but sipping tea?" asked the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

"Tea is good, leader-san," said Naruto as he sipped his tea and let out a satisfied sigh.

"The war is still raging on, and YOU GUYS ARE HERE SIPPING TEA?!" yelled the leader whose name shall not be spoken. Everyone nodded.

"Why not? The weather is good, the cake is good, the tea is good and the war is also wonderful scenery to watch," said Kisame as he took a piece of blueberry cake and placed it in his mouth.

"Yes, I agree. Besides, the war is going in the right direction. So we need not worry too much," said Deidara. Naruto picked up the tea pot and was surprised by its weight.

"We're out of tea," stated Naruto. Itachi immediately took put some tea leaves from a paper wrapping and somehow made a vacuum flask appear from behind him. He then poured hot water into the tea pot.

"Done. Now we have tea," said Itachi.

"Sit down and enjoy the tea, leader-san. It's very good. Itachi plants it in his room," said Kisame. The leader whose name shall not be spoken sat down beside Naruto and poured him a cup of tea. He took a sip of the said tea and immediately felt relaxed.

"Everyone, please try some of my home made Pocky," said Itachi as he took out a plate filled with Pocky. The said biscuits were covered in some sort of yellowish flavoring.

"Itachi, are you sure it's edible?" asked Naruto, pointing at the yellow Pocky. Tobi immediately grabbed a stick and placed it in his mouth. He froze as soon as he took a bite and caused everyone to look at him.

"Tobi?" the leader whose name shall not be spoken called. Naruto poked him and he fell over.

"OMG!! HE'S DEAD! ITACHI!!! YOU KILLED HIM!!!" shouted out Kisame with anime style tears coming down his cheeks. Suddenly Tobi stood up like a zombie, causing Itachi to scream like a girl.

"I...ta…chi…" Tobi began in a scary voice. Itachi was hugging Kisame and shaking like a washing machine. "THIS IS THE BEST POCKY EVER!!" Tobi began to jump around like a pogo stick, whistling as he did so. Naruto took out a blow dart and fired it at Tobi. It hit him square in the ass and he fell over sleeping.

"Well…that takes care of the problem," stated Naruto as he reloaded the dart gun. "Time to end this war!"

He took a deep breath and fired the blowgun. The poisoned dart flew through the air, and landed on…Tsunade's butt. She fainted. The whole of Akatsuki gasped and looked at Naruto.

"You messed up…" said Kisame.

"I know that!" retorted Naruto.

"Then fix it!" snapped Itachi. Naruto mumbled a curse under his breath and got up. He slammed his palm on the ground and two medium sized blue dragons appeared.

"Naruto-sama, what are your orders?" asked the dragons in a rather feminine voice while bowing.

"One of you please take the blonde woman in white out of the battlefield. The other one will assist me in fighting the two men in white robes, understood?" asked Naruto.

"Yes, but which one of us will take the woman?" asked one of the dragons.

"What are your names?" asked Naruto. He pointed to the one to his left.

"I'm Ryuusei," answered the dragon.

"I'm Ryuusa," said the other dragon.

"Okay…Ryuusei will carry the woman, got it?" asked Naruto. Both the dragons nodded and Ryuusei took off.

"Naruto-sama, shall we join the battle?" asked Ryuusa.

"Let's have some fun!" Naruto yelled before charging into battle with the Raikage and Tuchikage. He met them in a powerful crash and began to battle it out using taijutsu. Naruto saw a small opening and immediately punched the Raikage in the face. The Raikage lost his balance a little and Naruto quickly put both his fists together and punched the ground. A straight row of ice spikes pierced up from the ground and made its way towards the Raikage. The Tuchikage intercepted the attack by raising a row of boulders from the ground, effectively stopping the attack.

"Gawd! That was close!" said the Raikage.

"Sometimes I wonder…how you can be Raikage if you nearly got beat by a kid?" said the Tuchikage.

"Shut it, man! These robes really get in my way," complained the Raikage.

"Then take them off, you ninkampup!" yelled the Tuchikage. The Raikage snapped his fingers.

"Oh yeah! Why didn't I think of that?" said the Raikage as he removed his robes to reveal a battle armor.

"Ya so stupid sometimes," muttered the Tuchikage.

"Hey, that's a neat armor ya got there," commented Naruto.

"Really? Ya like? Its custom made!" said the Raikage.

"Naruto-sama…we have a war to end," reminded Ryuusa.

"I forgot!" exclaimed Naruto. "It's time for me to end this!" He gathered a large amount of chakra to his palms and slammed them on the ground. The whole battlefield shook and rumbled. Suddenly the air grew cold and the ground started to freeze. Naruto smirked. Within seconds the whole battlefield was frozen and the armies were cold. Naruto pushed some more chakra into the ground and the battlefield was trapped by a large dome shaped ice.

"Today the ice will preserve you forever," said Naruto as he got up.

"Don't get too cocky just because you froze the ground," said the Raikage.

"Ryuusa!" Naruto called. "How do you like frozen meat?" The dragon thought about it and smiled.

"I get to eat them?" asked the dragon excitedly.

"I'll even have Dei cook them for you if you like," said Naruto. The dragon's eyes grew starry.

"Then let's kill! Then we eat!" said Ryuusa excitedly. She then disappeared into the icy ground. Naruto quickly flashed through some hand seals and held out his hand. Icy wind slowly gathered in his palm, spinning like a tornado. Naruto closed his palm and the wind dispersed. He opened them again and a huge Fuuma Shuriken made of ice appeared in his hand. He threw it with all his might and watched as it cut the air.

Itachi was still sipping tea with the rest of the Akatsuki.

"Itachi. How do you think Naruto's faring against his opponents?" asked Kisame as he sipped his tea.

"Don't worry. He's got that ice dome of his raised. That means that he's winning. Hell, even I had problems getting out of there alive!" exclaimed Itachi. Kisame whistled.

"Now, we can go back to enjoying our tea," said Itachi as he refilled his empty cup.


	21. After The Tea

The war was over. Konoha won, but her forces suffered a massive dent. The same goes for Suna. The battlefield was filled with dead frozen bodies, and Naruto was being carried over to Itachi's tea break centre by Ryuusa.

"Itachi…"he called weakly. Itachi turned to look at him. "Got anymore tea left?" Itachi poured Naruto a cup of tea.

"So, how was the fight?" asked Itachi.

"Those fucking bastards were good. I had to go all got on them," answered Naruto. Kisame whistled.

"Gawd, what happened to you?! You looked like you just came back from the depths of hell!" exclaimed Kisame.

"You want to try fighting two of the toughest shinobis in the Great Five!" snapped Naruto.

"Come on, it can't be that bad, can it?" asked Kisame.

"Imagine you trying to fight two Deis," said Naruto. Kisame paled.

"See?"

"Good lord! That is bad! Fighting two Deis! I rather eat the Samehada than do that!" exclaimed Itachi.

"I'm glad to see that you think so highly of me," said Deidara.

"No, man. It's just that you are too girly for me to stand. I'm ok with one Dei, but two…" Kisame let the sentence hang.

"KISAME!" Deidara yelled as he took out a Deidara shaped clay and threw it at Kisame. Kisame saw this and quickly bolted out of the area. "No use! My Deidara bomb is locked on to Kisame until he hits Kisame and blast him into oblivion!" The said bomb sped towards Kisame on foot and soon caught up with him. Kisame screamed like a girl as the bomb chased him and sped up. The bomb stopped moving. Kisame noticed it and went over to inspect the said bomb. As soon as he got within range of the explosion…

"AHHHHH!!!" was heard as an explosion took place some fifty meters from where the rest of the Akatsuki were sipping tea. The Akatsuki minus Kisame and Deidara whistled. Suddenly a black Kisame fell on top of Naruto. The said blonde screamed and shoved the roasted shark man off. Naruto kicked Kisame away with his foot and dusted off his cloak.

"I have something to ask you," came a voice. Everyone looked at the owner of the voice. It was Shizune.

"Why were you sipping tea when we were fighting?" asked Shizune.

"Tea is good, my lady," answered Tobi.

"Yea. The tea is good, weather is good, even the scenery is good," said Naruto.

"Come and join us. And please invite your Hokage," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

"Tsunade-sama! The Akatsuki are inviting us to tea! You want to come?" shouted Shizune. From the distance, Tsunade sped towards them. She joined the Akatsuki on the ground with Shizune.

"Please, help yourselves to the tea and cakes that we have," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

"Thank you. I have another small request," said Tsunade.

"Do tell," the leader whose name shall not be spoken said.

"I want to know the exact location of Uzumaki Naruto, please!" requested Tsunade.

"I'm afraid I can't-" the leader began but he was cut off by Naruto.

"He's no longer alive," said Naruto.

"What?! That's impossible! I just-" Shizune started, but stopped before she revealed too much.

"What the boy means is that we all have seen Naruto and we have known him. Possibly better than you know him. We have heard what happened at Konoha before his departure. When the boy said that Naruto was no longer alive, he meant that he was no longer alive to Konoha," said Itachi.

"What do you mean?" asked Tsunade.

"Let me ask you this. How many people are there in Konoha?" said Kisame.

"A lot. About 15000 or so," answered Tsunade.

"Ok. Answer this. How many people in Konoha out of the 15000 care if Naruto is missing or not?" asked Kisame.

"Not much. 21," answered Shizune.

"See what I mean?" continued Kisame.

"I see," said Tsunade sadly. Her eyes were getting teary. The leader whose name shall not be spoken saw this. He sent a signal to Naruto.

"However…" Naruto began. "If we were to meet him again, we would pass on your regards and messages, if you have any of course. That way, he would still be in contact with you."

"Please tell him this, Sasuke and Sakura's wedding is coming up soon. They hope that he attends and I have a message for him as well- you are like the brother that I lost. And I hope that I can be the sister you never had," said Tsunade.

Naruto looked at the sun- it was setting. He stood up.

"So, will we be camping here? If yes, I'm going hunting with Ryuusa," said Naruto as he pointed to the dragon as she was just swallowing a dead ninja.

"Why not, I too lazy to go back at this hour," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

"Then I'm off," said Naruto as he signaled for the dragon to follow him. Just then Sasuke and Sakura arrived at the circle of tea drinkers aka Akatsuki with Tsunade and Shizune.

"Hello, foolish little brother," greeted Itachi.

"Godaime, what are you doing here?" asked Sasuke.

"We were sipping tea with them," answered Tsunade.

"WHAT! SIPPING TEA!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!!" yelled Sasuke.

"Sasuke! Don't yell. Besides, the tea was good," said Tsunade.

"Sit down, and join us," said Deidara.

"Sipping tea?" asked Sasuke.

"Why not? Naru- I mean Blondie whose name shall not be spoken (Naruto) will be back with dinner soon. I hope he catches enough to go around," said Tobi.

"I'm back!" Naruto's voice rang out.

"Ahh. Look who's joining us. The happy couple, Sasuke and Sakura," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken. Naruto stopped his run. He didn't speak for a while.

"Hello?" asked Kisame as he poked Naruto's sides.

"Wha-what?" asked Naruto, looking a little confused.

"You spaced out," said Itachi.

"Are you okay?" asked Kisame.

"I'm fine. I'll go wash the food. Dei, can you make dinner for us?" asked Naruto. Deidara stood up and went with Naruto.

"Tsunade-sama, may I ask when you will be returning to Konoha?" asked the leader politely.

"Tomorrow morning," answered Tsunade.

"Dinner's ready!" Deidara shouted as he carried the cooked food here. Naruto carried the paper plates and plastic spoons. Deidara placed the seven cooked stallions on front of them.

"Tsunade-sama, I trust that your soldiers need to eat?" said the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

"OI! COME EAT DINNER!" Tsunade shouted. The whole of Konoha army rushed towards the dinner with their mouths watering.

Naruto grabbed a stallion and left to eat with the Akatsuki in a less crowded place. The night was spent doing ne thing. That is…you want to know? Really? Really really? (smirks evilly) I'm not telling. Too bad. But I'll give you a clue. It starts with the letter 's' and ends with 'p'. It has five letters. If you can't guess it, then go to SLEEP!

Please review!


	22. The Wedding and Tea while Getting Killed

Naruto sped back towards Konoha with Itachi. They were both wearing coats and ties.

"Naruto, why are we doing this again?" asked Itachi.

"Because he's your brother. You need to be there for his wedding," answered Naruto. "Now hurry up!"

Konoha's gates came into view and they smiled. They rammed through the two guards and into the town square. As soon as they arrived, they smiled. Sasuke looked uneasy, as he stood in front of the people of Konoha. Sakura was not yet there and Sasuke was getting nervous.

"Hello, little brother," greeted Itachi as he appeared behind Sasuke. Sasuke was startled.

"Gah! What are you doing here?!" blurted out Sasuke.

"To attend your wedding, of course," answered Itachi.

"Where's Naruto? I thought you brought him with you," said Sasuke.

"Oh, he's here. Don't worry, little brother," assured Itachi. "Your bride is here." Sasuke looked at Sakura who just arrived, and grew a little uneasy.

"Relax, Sasuke," said Itachi. The wedding music began and Sakura walked on the red carpet towards Sasuke, who smiled as he held his hand out. Sakura took it and they faced Tsunade, who was the person to have them wed.

"We are gathered here today to witness this great moment for the happy couple as they are wed," began Tsunade. Sasuke took a deep breath.

"Relax, Sasuke-kun, it'll be over soon," whispered Sakura. Tsunade cleared her throat.

"Do you, Uchiha Sasuke swear to take Haruno Sakura as your lawfully wedded wife, to have, to love and to hold for the rest of your life?" Tsunade recited from a book.

"I do," said Sasuke.

"Do you Haruno Sakura take Uchiha Sasuke as your lawfully wedded husband and swear to take care of him when he's sick, punch him when he's not thinking straight, kick him if he angers you and castrate him if he cheats on you?" recited Tsunade. Sasuke was sweating like a pig and was as pale as one too.

"Err…I do," said Sakura.

"Good. Now for the exchanging of the rings," announced Tsunade. Sakura took out a diamond ring from her wedding gaunt pocket. Sasuke put his hand in the pocket of his coat, but felt nothing. He switched to the other side, but the results were the same. Sasuke began to sweat profusely.

"Sasuke-kun, what's wrong? You're sweating like a waterfall," commented Sakura.

"Nothing. Sakura. It's just this coat is very hot, that's all," said Sasuke. Sasuke searched his pockets again, but nothing came out.

"Oh, shit," he muttered under his breath.

"Sasuke-kun, where's the ring?" asked Sakura.

"I…err…haven't found it yet," answered Sasuke lamely.

"You've forgotten it?" asked Sakura.

"No! No!" said Sasuke nervously as he shook his head like a top. "I…err…"

"Sasuke!" came a familiar voice. "You forgot this." The said person held up a diamond ring.

"Naruto, you've finally made it," commented Itachi.

"Naruto! You're here!" exclaimed Sakura.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world," said Naruto. "Sasuke!" Naruto tossed him the ring, which Sasuke caught expertly and slipped it on Sakura's finger.

"Now, by the power vested in me, I shall pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride," finished Tsunade. Sakura pulled the thin veil that covered Sakura's face and kissed her. Everyone clapped loudly. Itachi took put a Nikon camera and snapped the kissing couple.

"Aww, how cute. My little brother is finally hitched," said Itachi while wiping off some imaginary tears.

"So…speaking of witch, when are YOU going to settle down?" asked Naruto, emphasizing the you word.

"I have no plans for that yet," answered Itachi coolly.

"EVERYONE! PLEASE PROCEED TO THE BUFFET ON YOUR LEFT AND ENJOY YOURSELVES!" Tsunade shouted out. Everyone started to move towards the buffet. Naruto just disappeared. Tsunade was going to the buffet, but Naruto scared her by appearing in front of her.

"Yo!" he greeted Tsunade. Tsunade screamed and jumped back.

"What are you screaming for? I'm not going to eat you, baa-chan," said Naruto. Tsunade took a good look at the blonde in front of him and took him into a bone crushing hug. Itachi saw this and immediately rushed to help Naruto. He tried to force Tsunade to release her grip, but of course it was in vain.

"Tsunade-sama! He's gonna die!" Itachi exclaimed as Tsunade continued to hug the now blue Naruto. Tsunade finally released Naruto. Naruto immediately took a deep breath of air.

"Ya crazy, baa-chan?! I could have died!" yelled Naruto.

"That ain't my fault, brat. It's yours," said Tsunade as she pointed at Naruto.

"And how is that?" asked Naruto raising an eyebrow.

"You left without so much of a word! We all miss you!" yelled Tsunade.

"Baa-chan, I'm not ten miles away, you know. You don't have to shout at my ear," commented Naruto.

"Gone for a few years and the first thing you do is complain, brat?" said Tsunade.

'No, the first thing I did was giving the diamond ring to the bride-groom," said Naruto.

"So Itachi, what are you doing here?" asked Tsunade. "Besides to attend the wedding."

"To sip tea and enjoy a good meal," answered Itachi.

"Sip tea??" repeated Tsunade. "But you did that at the battlefield!"

"Tea is good, Tsunade-sama. Naruto also enjoys tea, especially Chinese tea. They have special tastes," said Itachi.

"Yes, and the quality of the tea depends on the place you plant the tea trees. For instance…" Naruto produced a packet of tea leaves form the pocket of his coat. "This kind of tea is tastes best when grown on top of a mountain, where it is cool. If grown in Konoha, the taste is not as good. And of course, the type of soil matters too. The soil must be just right, not too acidic or alkali. And there the water factor. Too much water will make the taste go away."

"Wow…I never thought that tea could be so troublesome," said Tsunade.

"That is true, but the reward is priceless for people like us," said Naruto. Tsunade nodded.

"People are like tea, in a way," said Naruto.

"How so?" asked Shizune, who appeared beside Tsunade.

"Like I have said, the taste of the tea varies on what you give it to grow. And all tea is different. Like say if the tea is best grown in cool areas, but if you grow them in Konoha, they will not be good tea. Because they are not happy. Even if you give it the best fertilizer, it will not grow well. Like person who yearns too see the world will not be happy in a small town or village, even if you give him a lot of money, a diamond and all that. You understand me?" Naruto looked at his audience, which now consisted of almost everybody in Konoha.

"Wow…I never knew that something so valuable can be learned from tea," said Sakura. Naruto chuckled.

"Not just tea, Sakura. Allow me to demonstrate," said Naruto.

"Baa-chan, how do you like your sake?" asked Naruto.

"Warm, with a little honey and the alcohol must be just right," answered Tsunade.

"How about I give you a bottle of cold sake with no honey and with heavy alcohol?" asked Naruto.

"No," deadpanned Tsunade.

"See that?" he asked his audience.

"So you're trying to say that if we forced you back to Konoha, you end up like terrible tea. Is that right?" asked Shizune.

"That is entirely correct, nee-chan. You are the smartest person here in Konoha," commented Naruto.

"No, that would be Shikamaru," said Ino. Naruto shook his head.

"It is true that Shikamaru has that he has the highest IQ here. But when I say smart, it doesn't necessary mean that his IQ is high or you read like a bookworm and memorized things. I meant that the ability to understand things and hidden messages and take the hint. That is what I mean. Understand, Ino?" asked Naruto.

"At least tell us who you're staying with," said Shizune. Naruto chuckled.

"If I did, you would kill be where I stand," said Naruto.

"Never. I wouldn't even flinch," assured Tsunade.

"Ok. Then get ready for the greatest surprise you'll ever get besides coming to my wedding," said Naruto. Naruto took out a scroll. "Itachi! I wanna look cool here!" Itachi also took out a scroll.

"Let's do it!" said Itachi. They opened the scroll and slammed their palms against the scrolls. Smoke appeared and the Konoha people looked as the smoke began to disperse. The smoke soon cleared and Konoha gasped at the sight that appeared them. Naruto stood beside Itachi and both were wearing black Akatsuki cloaks with red cloud designs on them. Naruto's black katana with a red colored guard and hilt leaned against his shoulder.

"Here's your answer," said Naruto. "How'd you like it?"

"Naruto-kun, you're in the Akatsuki?!" Shizune said suddenly.

"Err…yea…You have a problem with that, nee-chan?"" asked Naruto like that was the most obvious thing in the world.

"OF COURSE, BRAT! WHO'D THROUGHT THAT YOU'D JOIN THAT ACCURSED EVIL ORGANIZATION!" yelled Tsunade.

"What evil organization? Which one?" asked Naruto. "Akatsuki is no evil organization."

"The organization consists of the most dangerous shinobi in the bingo book. How can that not be evil," said Kakashi.

"Kakashi, tell me, what has Akatsuki done to make you say that it is evil?" asked Itachi, a little angry.

"You all in the organization committed unforgivable crimes," answered Kakashi.

"Sensei, you are so short-sighted," said Naruto.

"What?! How can you say that!" yelled Ino.

"Why not? Tell me this, you all say that Itachi massacred his clan, right?" asked Naruto. Everyone nodded. "What led you to that conclusion?" Everyone pointed at Sasuke.

"Because he said he saw Itachi, right?" continued Naruto. "Tell me, how old was he then? Eight or seven? Did he awaken the Sharingan? Did he learn to detect and dispel genjutsu or see through ninjutsu like the henge?"

"No. I was still in the academy back then," answered Sasuke.

"So, how can you be sure that it wasn't another ninja disguised as Itachi to frame him?" asked Naruto. Silence was heard. "So, we have a conclusion. You all are short-sighted people who only listen who you think is right. You don't talk to the victims to find out their side of the story."

"He does have a point," said Shizune.

"WE KNOW!" everybody said all together.

"Good, because we have to go. We still have to make plans to destroy Konoha," said Itachi. Everyone looked at him.

"ITACHI!!! DO YOU WANT TO GET US KILLED!!" yelled Naruto as he strangled Itachi.

"Naruto! I'm here! Is the wedding over?" asked Kisame as he appeared beside Naruto, who was still strangling Itachi.

"KISAME!!!! ITACHI'S GETTING US KILLED!!!" Naruto yelled as anime style tears flowed down his cheeks.

"Oh, how?" asked Kisame.

"HE TOLD EVERYONE HERE THAT WE ARE PLANNING TO BLOW THIS PLACE TO KINGDOM COM!!!" Naruto yelled.

"ITACHI!!! DO YOU REALLY WANT TO DIE, YOU SON OF A (BEEP)ING (BEEP)!!" yelled Kisame as he strangled Itachi with Naruto.

"So…planning to destroy us, eh?" asked Tsunade evilly.

"Kisame, take Itachi and run!" yelled Naruto as he summoned a thick wall of ice 20 feet high. Kisame was gone as soon as he yelled and Naruto was bolting out of the place.

"NARUTO!!!" yelled Tsunade.

"I'll SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!" Naruto yelled back as he ran.


	23. The Plans For A Vacation

"Leader-san, I need a vacation," requested Naruto.

"Yea. We all need a vacation," stated Itachi. The leader whose name shall not be spoken thought about it. He shrugged.

"Why not? I need a break myself too," he said finally.

"Ok. Where do you guys wanna go for our vacation?" asked Tobi. "I want to go to the Snow."

"I want to visit a few friends in the Wave," said Naruto. "Although I'd love to Yukie nee-chan again."

"Who?" asked Tobi.

"Kazahana Koyuki also known to me as Yukie nee-chan," answered Naruto.

"You KNOW her?" asked Tobi. Naruto nodded.

"Who would thought that Naruto would know such a hot girl!" exclaimed Kisame.

"I even have her picture with her autograph right here," stated Naruto as he took out the picture of Yukie kissing him while he was asleep.

"SHE KISSED YOU! YOU ARE SO LUCKY, MAN!!" yelled Tobi. "HOOK ME UP WITH HER!!!"

"But I want to go to Wave," said Naruto.

"Naruto! Please!" begged Tobi.

"Tobi, get yourself together, man! You look like a beggar!" exclaimed Kisame.

"Ok. We'll ignore him for sometime and continue our plans for the vacation," said the leader whose name shall not be spoken.

"How about we go separate ways and enjoy ourselves and we meet back here in three months?" suggested Naruto.

"That is the most brilliant plan ever!" exclaimed the leader whose name shall not be spoken. "I'll tell everyone!"

"So, where are you two planning on going?" asked Naruto as he faced Itachi and Kisame.

"We're going to the Wave with you. I want to meet this so called friend of yours," answered Itachi.

"I'm going too!" exclaimed Deidara. "I hear there's an art display there!"

"Ok. Let's pack then. When are we leaving?" asked Naruto.

"Tomorrow at the crack of dawn," said Itachi. "The air is freshest and there are birds and other animals to see. It'll be relaxing."

"Okay. We meet here at the crack of dawn," finalized Naruto. "so, who's bringing the tea?" Everyone pointed at him.

"I'll take the hot water and Kisame will bring the tea set. Itachi will bring the carpet for us to sit on," said Deidara. "I'll be going now. I need to prepare my special bomb that I plan on using on our vacation." Deidara laughed maniacally as he went down the corridor to his room.

"Okay…so let's get packing," suggested Naruto as he made his way to the mountain roof of the base to take the tealeaves.

"Please! Naruto! Hook me up with Yukie-sama!" begged Tobi as he grabbed Naruto's leg and scared him.

"Gah! When did you come here! Let go!" said Naruto as he tried to pry off Tobi.

"Hook me up with Yukie-sama! Please!" begged Tobi. Naruto quickly slammed his palm to the ground. Ryuusa appeared.

"Ryuusa! Help me!" yelled Naruto as Tobi continued to beg. The dragon took a deep breath and blew out a gust of icy wind. The wind hit Tobi, but unfortunately it also hit Naruto. The result…they were both shivering like a vibrator.

"Naruto-sama! I'm so sorry!" apologized the dragon. Naruto couldn't talk because he was shivering so much that his teeth rattled like stones. Tobi was shaking on the ground so much that be moved like a jackhammer. A whistle was heard.

"Wow, frozen by your own dragon. That's the first time I see that," exclaimed Itachi. He blew a fireball out of his mouth and melted the ice.

"My bones ache like hell for being frozen so long," said Tobi.

"Naruto-sama, I'm so sorry…" apologized the dragon sadly. Naruto stroked the dragon's head.

"It's ok, Ryuusa. I'm fine now," said Naruto as he continued to stroke the dragon. It still looked sad. Naruto smiled. "Ryuusa, I'm going on a vacation tomorrow. You want to come with us?"

"Thank you, Naruto-sama!" aid the dragon happily.

"But…" began Naruto. The dragon looked at Naruto. "I need you to be about this small." Naruto put his palms opposite to each other and closed the gap between them until there was about 12 inches between them. The dragon nodded. l White light surrounded it and suddenly it was on Naruto's shoulders, a 12-inch long light blue almost white dragon.

"Ok. Let's get packing. The tea leaves are already packed," said Naruto.

"Naruto, what about Tobi?" asked Itachi as he pointed to the crying Tobi. Naruto walked over to him.

"Okay, I'll help you," said Naruto. Tobi went from crying to hugging Naruto from happiness in a split second.

"Go to the Snow first. Get a feel around town. I'll meet you there in about a month," said Naruto. "Besides, I kinda miss Yukie nee-chan too."

"Naruto-sama, who's coming with us?" asked Ryuusa.

"Itachi, Kisame and Deidara," answered Naruto. "

"Now for the packing. I mustn't forget my new Nikon Professional camera. I need pictures for my room and album," said Naruto to himself.

Naruto was in his room a split second later, humming a tune and packing his clothes along with his camera and new tea leaves and some portable foods like biscuits in case Itachi decides that all they needed to eat was Pocky.

"Ok. Packing done. Now for the most important thing to do tonight!" exclaimed Naruto.

"What would that be, Naruto-sama?" asked Ryuusa.

"Sleep, Ryuusa, sleep," said Naruto. Then he fell on the bed and began snoring like a pig. The small dragon crawled onto Naruto's chest and slept there.

The next morning…

Kisame stood beside Naruto, who was sleeping like a baby while sucking his thumb.

"Itachi, how do you want to wake him up?" asked Kisame with an evil smile.

"Get me a pot of water filled with sharks and then we'll toss him in," suggested Itachi sinisterly. Kisame smiled.

"How about we just ask Dei to blow him up?" asked Kisame with an even more sinister smile.

"Let's get Dei immediately," said Itachi as they exited the room while snickering.

Deidara came in with them with the same evil smile on his face. He placed a small Naruto shaped clay on Naruto's nose. The clay started to move and chant "Wake up, wake up." Naruto opened his eyes and saw the clay in front of him. The clay exploded and Naruto was wide awake. His face was like carbon.

"KISAME! ITACHI! DEIDARA! I'LL GET YOU!!" he yelled at the three. "RYUUSA!! GET THEM!!!" The dragon shifted back into her original size and blew out a beam of ice. It hit them square and they were frozen. Naruto moved the large block of frozen water to the mountain roof and smiled evilly. He gave the ice block a push and it slid down the roof into the hard, unforgiving cement ground below. A crash was heard and Naruto was satisfied.

"Come on. Let's go wash up and we'll leave for the Wave," said Naruto. The dragon shifted back into her 12-inch size and crawled up Naruto's arm to his shoulder.

Naruto exited the front door and looked at the melted ice and unconscious Itachi, Kisame and Deidara in front him. He shook his head and sighed, before tying them up and dragging their wet butts with him.


	24. The Journey

Naruto walked through the forest with Kisame, Deidara and Itachi, who had already woke up form the ice incident some time ago. They all wore casual outfits instead of the cloak and cool straw hats. Naruto wore a blue T shirt and a pair of baggy jeans that fell just over his knees. His hair was longer than before, so he kept it tied in a small ponytail.

Itachi wore a simple white T-shirt with a weasel design on it and a pair of jeans. Kisame wore a blue shirt with the first two buttons opened and a pair of black trousers. Deidara dressed in a plain white T-shirt and a pair of baggy camouflage pants that stop below his knees. They were all carrying backpacks. Ryuusa was on Naruto's shoulder and was doing nothing.

"So, Naruto-sama, tell us about the place where we are going to," said Ryuusa.

"Well, the last time I went there the place was like a ghost town and people were hiding and the crops weren't any bigger than my pinky here," said Naruto as he held put his pinky. "We also met Kisame's old friend during that time." Naruto's face turned a little sad and his eyes got a little teary.

"Naruto-sama?" Ryuusa asked, concerned about the sudden change in her master. He shook his head and smiled.

"It's nothing," he said. "Let's get going. There's a clearing about ten hours walk from here. We can set up camp there."

"Look there! It's a beautiful eagle!" exclaimed Itachi as he pointed to the brown and white eagle on top of a tree some three meters from them. The eagle indeed did look very elegant. Naruto took out his Nikon camera and snapped the eagle. He looked at the picture of the eagle he took via the LCD screen of the camera.

"It's indeed a beautiful sight to take in," commented Deidara.

"Let's go," said Kisame. So they went on their way to the clearing. Itachi kept pointing at the animals he saw and saying how beautiful they looked.

"Look there! A woodpecker!" Itachi exclaimed. The woodpecker stopped pecking the wood, looked at them and went back to pecking wood.

"Itachi! You have named every one of the animals from our doorstep to here, don't you feel thirsty?" complained Kisame.

"Yeah, man. My ears need a break, even if your mouth doesn't," continued Naruto.

"But the animals are so beautiful!" whined Itachi.

"Itachi, the best way to enjoy nature is to keep quiet and listen to the sounds they make," said Deidara. "It's more relaxing that way."

"Really?" asked Itachi. Deidara sighed.

"Yes, my dearest Itachi who is filled with idiocy," answered Deidara. Itachi immediately silenced himself.

"So, Naruto, how long till we reach the clearing?" asked Kisame.

"Not long now. About four hours and we'll be there," answered Naruto. Kisame twitched.

"How can four hours be not long?" asked Kisame.

"Because, my dearest Kisame-chan, I said so," said Naruto in a sickeningly sweet voice. The tone Naruto used sent chills down Kisame's spine. Ryuusa was well…being Ryuusa…sleeping on Naruto's shoulder.

"We're here!" exclaimed Naruto as they arrived at a forest clearing after ten grueling hours of walking.

"Ah, my feet are getting blisters from all this walking," complained Kisame.

"Mine too," complained Itachi.

"Don't whine. We'll arrive at the Wave after lunch tomorrow if we leave at the crack of dawn," said Naruto.

"Got food?" asked Deidara.

"Sure. Tea will be ready in a minute," said Naruto as he poured the hot water into the teapot and closed the lid. "Itachi, the food." Itachi nodded and opened his backpack and took out some Pocky and gave it to them.

"Are there any other food besides Pocky?" asked Kisame. Itachi shook his head. Deidara sighed.

"Naruto, please tell me you have got edible food," said Deidara as he looked at Naruto hopefully.

"Sure. I got some canned food and some uncooked rice in my backpack," said Naruto. Deidara's eyes were starry immediately.

"But we need a fire," said Itachi.

"No problem," said Kisame as he picked up Samehada.

"Itachi, could you come here for a sec? I need to talk to you," said Kisame with an evil smile. Itachi shrugged and went to Kisame.

"What's the problem?" asked Itachi.

"You see that thing up there in the trees, what is it?" asked Kisame as he pointed to a random tree. Itachi looked at the tree Kisame pointed in, but didn't find anything.

"What did you see? I didn't see-AHH" Itachi was hit by Kisame's Samehada and he screamed and strangely fire came out of his mouth. It ignited the pile of wood in front of Itachi, and Kisame smiled.

"Fire," said Kisame to Naruto. Deidara immediately got to work, and began to cook a wonderful meal from Naruto's canned food.

"That smells good, Dei," stated Naruto as he sniffed the air.

"How about we play a game of chess after dinner?" suggested Kisame as he took a small magnetic chess set out from his backpack.

"As long as it helps me pass time," said Itachi.

"Dinner's ready," Deidara rang out. They immediately rushed to dinner as Deidara was giving out the food. They grabbed the paper plated in front of them filled with food and began to munch away.

"Ryuusa, wake up. It's time to eat," called Naruto as he shook the small dragon. When she didn't respond, Kisame came in.

"Let me try. Put that measly lizard on the ground," said Kisame. Immediately Ryuusa woke up from her sleep and bit Kisame on the nose. Kisame screamed like a girl while running around the campsite with the dragon refusing to let go of the blue nose. Deidara threw a Kisame shaped clay at him and it exploded at his face. Ryuusa was blown away and landed on Naruto's lap while Kisame was as black as the night.

"Ahh, finally, some piece and quiet," said Deidara. Naruto looked at the unconscious Ryuusa and sighed.

"Ryuusa, are you ok?" asked Naruto softly as he poked the small dragon.

"Naruto-sama, why are you spinning round and round?" asked Ryuusa in a weak voice. Naruto sweatdropped.

"Go to sleep. You'll feel better in the morning," said Naruto. The small dragon nodded and slept.

"So, we're the only ones left unharmed. My dragon and Kisame got bombarded and Itachi got whacked," said Naruto, as he looked his companions. Deidara nodded.

"I have an idea," said Deidara with an evil smirk. He took out a large box from his backpack. "This is one of my greatest creations. The special K&I C4."

"What does it do?" asked Naruto.

"It explodes," answered Deidara.

"I know that," said Naruto. Deidara as he dragged Kisame and Itachi together and placed them beside each other.

"I need a dome of transparent ice," said Deidara. Deidara placed the bomb between them and signaled for Naruto to raise the dome. Naruto slammed his palm on the ground and a dome of transparent ice appeared.

"Ok. When does the show start?" asked Naruto excitedly.

"Now," answered Deidara as he pushed a button of the detonator in his hands. The bomb began to play music.

"CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKER!" the bomb played. The bomb then exploded like firecrackers, a small pop continued by another pop and another and another…

Kisame and Itachi were screaming inside as they tried to break the dome of ice, while Naruto and Kisame were laughing their heads off.

"God lord, that was funny!" exclaimed Naruto. Kisame was seen banging on the ice, asking for help with anime tears flowing down his cheeks and Itachi was rolling on the ground, screaming in pain. "Dei, how long will the explosion last?"

"About two huors," answered Deidara. Naruto whistled.

"Good night, Dei," he said as he lied down on the floor. He took one last look at Kisame, he was crying. He waved at them and then went to sleep.


	25. Tazuna's House for Tea

"We're finally here!" exclaimed Naruto as he crossed the bridge to the Wave. He whistled as soon as he looked at the place. The place was different. For one, tall buildings were seen everywhere. And the people here were well dressed. Naruto looked a sign that said 'If you're Uzumaki Naruto, please look up and then follow the arrows.' Naruto sweatdropped, as did his companions but still looked up all the same.

The bridge with the words 'The Great Naruto Bridge' greeted them and Naruto whistled while his companions had their jaws on the ground.

"NARUTO!!! WHAT DID YOU DO HERE??" yelled Kisame.

"I don't know…I remember helping them complete the bridge and that was it," said Naruto.

"Look there! Isn't that Naruto?" exclaimed a random villager as he pointed at Naruto. Everyone looked at Naruto.

"IT IS HIM!!" shouted a random villager. In a split second, everybody within a fifty-foot radius surrounded Naruto and co.

"Can I have your autograph?!" asked a random villager.

"Me too!"

"I want your autograph too!"

"Sign my shirt!"

"Sign my butt!"

"Sign my boob!"

"ITACHI!! HELP ME!!" yelled Naruto as he was separated from his companions.

"NARUTO!!!" called out Itachi.

"Fire in the hole!!" Deidara yelled as he tossed a smoke bomb at Naruto's direction. "Naruto, run!"

Five minutes later…

Naruto stood in front of a rather large house and looked at it. A sign read 'Tazuna's house.'

"Yep, this is the place," said Naruto as he looked at the sign. He went up and pressed the large doorbell. The bell rang like loudly and footsteps were heard. Tsunami opened the door.

"Tsunami baa-san!" greeted Naruto. Tsunami paused for a second and looked at Naruto. Then it clicked in her head.

"Naruto?" Tsunami said. "Is that you?"

"The one and only!" exclaimed Naruto.

"It's good to see you!" she said as she hugged Naruto. "Dad, Inari! Look who's here!"

Footsteps were heard as Inari and Tazuna raced down the stairs and to the door. They appeared at the doorway some seconds later.

"Hiya!" greeted Naruto as they appeared at the doorway.

"NARUTO-NII-SAN!!! IT'S YOU!!" yelled Inari as he jumped to hug Naruto.

"Good to see you too, Naruto," greeted Tazuna.

"It's been such a long time, hasn't it Tazuna-san?" greeted Naruto as he ruffled Inari's hair.

"So, where're your teammates and that sensei of yours?" asked Tazuna.

"They are not free to come here, Tazuna-san," answered Naruto.

"Whatever. Don't just stand there, come in!" urged Tsunami. "Would you like some tea?"

"TEA? SURE!" answered the Akatsuki mini group. Naruto started to search his backpack for something.

"Naruto, what are you looking for?" asked Itachi curiously.

"I'm looking for the stuff to make the tea perfect!" replied Naruto. "Found you!"

"What is that?" asked Deidara as Naruto held out a strange glass bottle with purplish liquid inside. Naruto put the glass bottle on the table and inserted some sort of spray head to the head of the bottle.

"KAI!" yelled Naruto as his hands formed a seal. The ground began to shake and rumble and the bottle grew arms that were demon like. Red eyes appeared in front of the bottle.

"Today you die!" said the bottle.

"ITACHI!!" yelled Naruto. Itachi took a deep breath and blew out a huge fireball that sent the bottle and its contents to oblivion.

"NARUTO!" yelled Kisame.

"Sorry, wrong bottle," apologized Naruto as he searched his bag for the correct bottle. Moments later he found it. "Got it!"

"This better be it," said Itachi who was getting ready for another monstrous hand. Naruto attached the spray head to the bottle and placed it on the table.

"KAI!" he yelled again. The bottle's contents went down a little and a sweet aroma filled the room.

"Naruto what is this?" asked Deidara as he relaxed when the sweet aroma reached his nose.

"It's lavender," answered Naruto. "Now the atmosphere is perfect." Tsunami entered the room with the tea.

"Oh my, what a sweet smell!" she exclaimed as the sweet scent reached her nose.

"Glad you like it," said Naruto. Tsunami placed the tea on the table.

"Please help yourselves," said Tsunami. "I'll prepare lunch."

"FREE LUNCH! YEAH!" exclaimed Kisame loudly while jumping up and down like a three year old.

"Naruto," called Itachi. Naruto nodded and took out a orange book from his backpack.

"Kisame, watch," said Naruto. Kisame stopped and saw the Icha Icha Paradise in Naruto's hands. Naruto made a little tear in one of the pages.

"Naruto, why are you doing this?" asked Kisame as tears fell like waterfall from his eyes.

"Kisame, you will stop acting like a fool or I will continue to rip this book that I stole form you until it is so torn apart not even a mile of tape can stick it back together," said Naruto as he continued to slowly rip the page.

"NOOO!" yelled Kisame as he made a dive towards Naruto. Naruto saw this and sidestepped Kisame, causing him to fall on the table that was filled with the tea.

"NOOO!" yelled Naruto as he mourned for the loss of the tea. "KISAME, YOU WILL PAY FOR THE LOSS OF THE TEA!" Naruto ripped the entire book into tiny shreds.

"BABY! WHY DID YOU DIE!" cried Kisame as the book pieces fell to the floor. Naruto was laughing like a maniac as the torn paper filled the room.

"I HAVE AVENGED YOU, TEA!" yelled Naruto.

"NARUTO! I WILL AVENGE THE BOOK! BOOK KILLER!" yelled Kisame as he dived for Naruto. Naruto screamed like a girl and rolled out of the way, causing Kisame to hit the floor.

"BODY SLAM!" yelled Naruto as he fell from the couch and landed on Kisame, causing him to scream like a woman. "TAKE THIS!"

"NARUTO, NO!" yelled Itachi as he stopped Naruto from doing another body slam.

"HOLD HIM TIGHT, ITACHI!!!" yelled Kisame as his hands performed a familiar set of hand seals.

"NO!! KISAME STOP!!!" yelled Itachi as he desperately tried to hold down the struggling Naruto.

"Ice in the Kisame!" yelled Deidara as he threw a heart shaped clay at Kisame. It hit him square in the head and froze him into a shark-sickle.

"Now we can enjoy tea!" exclaimed Naruto as he made a tea set appear out of nowhere. Everybody except Kisame nodded, mainly because he was frozen.


	26. How to Cook Shark Fin Soup

Naruto was sipping tea at Tazuna's house along with Deidara and Itachi when suddenly Kisame burst in and caused then to spill their tea on their shirts.

"Huh! I've got it! Yeah! Go, Sony! Go, Sony!" chanted Kisame as soon as he burst in.

"Naruto," said Itachi. Naruto nodded and rammed his fist on the ground. Kisame stopped moving suddenly, as he became an ice block.

"Preserved shark meat," said Deidara. "Nice. I'll cook some fired shark meat for dinner tonight."

"Fine with me," said Naruto as he shrugged. Kisame could be seen with tears flowing down his cheeks.

"Kisame, I really pity you," said Itachi casually.

"Dei, I wanna learn how to cook shark fin soup. Can you teach me?" asked Naruto.

"Sure thing, man. Ok, first thing we need is a good shark," explained Deidara as he took out a great white shark from his robes. Then he took out a chopping set, which actually consisted form the largest of axes to cleavers to the smallest of knives and the finest needles.

"That's a lot of knives," exclaimed Naruto as he looked the set.

"It is necessary to be well prepared," said Deidara. "Ok. First we have to open up the shark. To do that, we must first cut off the huge disturbing fang like fin from its back. takes a cleaver and chops off the huge disturbing fin on the shark's back. Kisame is crying harder than ever. Now we place the shark on its back so that the belly faces upwards. Then we take a long sharp knife and we cut it open. takes a long sharp knife and cuts the shark open like hot knife through butter. Kisame could be seen mourning for the shark as some of the ice has melted away from the inside. Then we get rid of all the unwanted wastes like bile duct, bladder, large intestine and the gall bladder. Oh and the pancreas too. pulls out the parts with a sickening sound. Kisame was banging on the ice, but it would not break. He was screaming, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!!" Now we chop the shark into tiny bite size pieces to be boiled. takes out a huge double bladed axe and chops the shark into tiny bite size pieces. Kisame's face was pressed against the ice as he scratched at the seemingly unbreakable ice. Now we put then into boiled water and add the necessary flavorings, like salt, oyster sauce, a tinge of chili pepper, and of course, some curry powder to make it smell good. adds the said ingredients Leave it to boil for about twenty minutes and it's done!'

"Thanks, Dei!" exclaimed Naruto as he tasted the soup. "Yummy! Ya want some, Kisame?'

Kisame backed from one end to another.

"Naruto, don't you think you have done enough already?" said Itachi as he munched on his Pocky.

"Kai!" yelled Naruto as he formed a seal. The ice around Kisame broke and Kisame fell to the floor, unconscious and sucking his thumb while hiccupping. "I'm going out to buy an XBOX 360."

"Make it a PS3 instead," said Kisame who suddenly rose form his sleep, causing Naruto to ricochet into the sky via the roof. Itachi just shook his head and took out another box of Pocky.

"I live with a bunch of idiots and I like it," muttered Itachi to himself.

Naruto landed on the hard ground of a street. He pulled himself to his feet and dusted himself off.

"RYUUSA!" called Naruto loudly. The said dragon landed on his shoulder. "Let's go get that PS3."

"Where do we get that stuff?" asked the twelve inch dragon.

"Well, let's go to the insanely huge department store we saw on our way here," suggested Naruto.

Minutes later…

Naruto stood in front of an insanely huge department store and looked as people enter and exit through the huge entrance.

"This looks like the place. Let's go in, Ryuusa," said Naruto. Ryuusa nodded and they entered the crowded department store.

"Where do we find the PS3 you're looking for?" asked Ryuusa as they squeezed through the crowded building.

"There," said Naruto as he pointed to a building that had a PS3 and an XBOX 360 on display in front of a huge gaming store. Naruto ran to the store as fast as he could through the crowd. He entered the store a little messed up, but nothing more.

"I want that PS3 on display!" declared Naruto as he pointed to the PS3 on display.

"I want that PS3 on display!"a feminine voice shouted. A pale teenage girl pushed herself through the crowd.

"What! I came first!" yelled Naruto.

"Who cares!" yelled the girl.

"Ok! Who can give the most money gets the PS3!" declared the shopkeeper as his eyes shined $$.

"I slap in 10000 ryo!" declared Naruto as he slammed the cash on the counter.

"15000!" challenged the girl as she slammed the wad of bills onto the counter.

"30000!" yelled Naruto as he added more cash to the cash on the table.

"I follow!" yelled the girl as she took out another wad of cash and threw it on the table. Naruto was silent as he glared at the girl in front of him who returned the glare full force.

"I'm out of cash…" confessed Naruto as he blushed.

"Me too…" said the girl as she turned slightly red.

"So…how do we settle this?" asked the shopkeeper. Naruto noticed a rather well hidden sickle on within her clothing.

"You're a ninja?" asked Naruto.

"How did you…" she began but stopped when Naruto pointed towards her hidden sickle. "You're good."

"How about a small spar to decide who gets the goods?" suggested Naruto.

"Here?" asked the girl, surprised.

"Why not?" countered Naruto. "We just needed the crowd to let off a little space."

"Ok! Please clear off a diameter of 6 meters for us," said the girl. The mall security appeared and cleared a square of six by six in the center of the mall. Naruto and the girl stepped into the small clearing.

"Ladies get to choose the type of battle," said Naruto. The girl smirked.

"I want a first blood match! Whoever bleeds first! There is only one rule, which is no fighter can leave the fighting square during the spar!" declared the girl.

"You've got it! Begin!" yelled Naruto as he and the girl leaped backwards. The girl took out the small sickle and mumbled some strange words. The sickle glowed white and became a large scythe that was purplish blue in color took its place. The scythe was about seven foot long and the blade was about five feet long. Naruto's eyes almost popped out from his skull.

"Meet the Scourge," said the girl. Naruto took out a scroll from his pocket and unrolled it quickly. He slammed his palm onto the ground and his black and red katana appeared.

"Meet my nameless katana," said Naruto. The girl sweat dropped while the crowds' eyes twitched like hell.

"Man, you suck!" declared the girl.

"I do not! I just don't have a name for this katana, that's all," countered Naruto. "Let's have some fun!"

Naruto disappeared and reappeared behind the girl with his sword raised, and brought it down sharply. The girl parried the strike by placing her insanely huge scythe behind her. The girl then disappeared with the scythe. Naruto sidestepped as a small crater appeared at the spot where he was. He suddenly held his katana in front of him and the blade of the insanely large scythe appeared in front of Naruto.

"You are good, woman," praised Naruto.

"Thanks, you're not so bad yourself. No one I met has been able to block my strikes so easily," said the girl. "But I'm gonna end this now. I wanna play that PS3 as soon as possible."

"Then you have to defeat me first!" declared Naruto as he placed his sword in front of him. The girl smirked and disappeared and Naruto did the same. They clashed in the middle and disappeared again. Then they met again somewhere in the battle field that I'm too lazy to describe. This went on for about ten minutes.

"Naruto, what are you doing?" asked Itachi as he appeared beside Naruto.

"I'm sparring with this girl here. We both want the PS3," said Naruto as he pointed to the pale girl.

"Then take them off," instructed Itachi.

"If you say so," said Naruto as he did a strange hand seal. "Ok. Get ready." Naruto disappeared ten times faster than before. The girl gasped and quickly brought her scythe in front of her. A cling was heard immediately. The girl then jumped hastily to her left as the ground cracked beneath her. She landed roughly on her feet, and scanned the area for Naruto, but he was far more skilled as the result was seen when a small scratch appeared on her cheek and a trickle of blood flowed from the wound. Naruto's katana appeared beside her face.

"I win," declared Naruto as he got the PS3 and repeated the strange hand seal. He began to walk out of the area, but Itachi stopped him. Naruto gave him a confused look, and Itachi pointed at the girl. Naruto looked at her. She was kneeling on the ground and staring into space. Naruto walked up to her.

"Hey, are you ok?" he asked as he poked the girl's arm. He got no response. "How would you like to play the PS3 with us?"

"OK!" exclaimed the girl as stars appeared in her eyes. Naruto smiled and offered his hand.

"Then let's go," said Naruto as the girl took his hand whist he pulled her to her feet. "What's your name?"

"I'm Sadamitsu," said the girl. "What's your name?"

"Me? My name is Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto," said Naruto as they left the building. Itachi just smiled and shook his head.

Hiya guys! I'm here to say that I won't be able to update the fic anytime soon bcuz I'm in college now! But I'll update as soon as the semester is over! I promise! 


	27. Itachi in Killer Mode

"Eat this!"

"Hah! We'll see about that!"

"I'm gonna beat you!"

"Think again! Mine's more powerful!"

"Says who!"

"WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP? WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!" yelled Itachi as he waved his arms high above his head. Kisame had his Samehada in his hand as he radiated a huge amount of killing intent.

"Then sleep and quit bothering us!" yelled Naruto and Sadamitsu as they looked from the plasma flat screen to Itachi.

"Please! I beg of you! Please stop! I need to sleep!" pleaded Itachi as he kneeled down and grabbed both their legs and hugged them.

"Let go, man!" yelled Naruto as he tried to pry off Itachi. Kisame's eyes were screaming 'KILL! KILL' from the lack of sleep.

"Naruto…it's time to die…" he said sleepily as he raised his Samehada above his head.

"Kisame! No!" yelled Itachi as he jumped onto Kisame's back and locked his arms around Kisame's neck. But that didn't stop Kisame. He continued like a robot.

"Die…" he said like he was in a trance.

"Naruto! Take the girl and run!" shouted out Itachi.

"Why?" Naruto asked a little confused.

"Kisame is in kill mode. He'll kill anyone in this state," explained Itachi.

"Naruto…girl…die…" Kisame said in his trance like voice. He proceeded to bring his sword down. Naruto and Sadamitsu dodged the strike, but unfortunately for the plasma flat screen…

"NOOO! MY NEW PLASMA FLAT SCREEN! KISAME! YOU DIE TODAY!" yelled Naruto as he took out his black and red katana. "RYUUSA!! LET'S GET HIM!"

The twelve inched dragon shifted back into her original size and shot a gust of cold frozen wind from her mouth. Itachi countered with a huge fireball of his own.

"ITACHI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" yelled Naruto.

"Peace, Naruto!" answered Itachi as he did the peace sign.

"He broke my new plasma screen!" complained Naruto.

"So, it's only a TV," said Itachi as if it was the most common thing in the world.

"Just a TV! That thing cost me 500,000 ryo! I bought especially to accommodate the PS3!" Naruto yelled back.

"It's not that expensive," said Itachi. "And we got lots of those back home."

"Itachi, how would you feel if I took your most prized Chocolate, Vanilla and Blackcurrant Pocky recipe and tore it apart?" asked Naruto.

"What?" asked a confused Itachi. Naruto took out a piece of paper that is kept in a glass box, much like a certificate and showed it to Itachi.

"The special 3 in 1 Pocky recipe. Only one in the world," said Naruto. Itachi's eyes widened.

"Naruto, don't do anything rash, man," said Itachi as he placed both his hands in front of him.

"It's only a piece of paper," said Naruto.

"No, please, Naruto, you have no idea what that piece of paper meant to me!" said Itachi in a worried voice as Naruto took out the paper and inspected it.

"Don't worry, we have lot of paper back home," said Naruto as he moved to make a slight tear in the recipe.

"Please, Naruto, don't do it!" begged Itachi.

"Catch!" yelled Naruto as he threw the paper in the air. Itachi made a jump for it and Naruto flashed through some hand seals. Suddenly a million of the paper appeared before Itachi's eyes and Itachi scrambled to find the real recipe. Naruto, Sadamitsu and Kisame, who has now awaken fully when Deidara jammed a good handful of coffee beans down his throat by the means of a jackhammer.

"Itachi, there's one thing that you possess that is red and has three black comas in it that can help you," suggested Naruto.

"Err, a piece of red paper with three comas on it?" asked Itachi. Naruto, Kisame and Deidara slapped their foreheads and dragged their hands down their face.

"NO YOU FOOL! USE YOUR SHARINGAN!" yelled Deidara. A bright light bulb appeared above Itachi's head.

"Right, my Sharingan! Why didn't I think of that?" replied Itachi sheepishly.

"Because, my dear Itachi, you suck!" exclaimed Deidara. Sadamitsu was laughing like a hyena.

"Woman! Do not laugh at my misfortune!" yelled Itachi. Sadamitsu only laughed harder. Naruto was also on the floor, laughing his ass off as well.

"I can't help it. It's too funny!" said Sadamitsu between her laughing.

"Naruto! Why are you joining her in making me more miserable?!" berated Itachi.

"Too funny!" was the simple answer he got. Suddenly Itachi radiated a huge amount of killer intent.

"I'll make you pay for laughing at my misfortune," said Itachi in a low growl. Naruto's eyes widened.

"Oh no, Itachi's in killer mode! Run, Sadamitsu!" yelled Naruto as they bolted out of the area, with Itachi not too far behind.

"Come back here and face me like a man!" yelled Itachi. Sadamitsu started to look back, but Naruto grabbed her hand and sped away. Itachi followed suit, but fortunately he didn't catch up to them that quickly, thus giving them a chance to hide. Naruto and Sadamitsu were in the old part of the town, where abandoned buildings stood, haunting the area. Naruto and Sadamitsu managed to squeeze in between a torn down wall that leaned against another building and covered both their mouths with his hands as Itachi sped by. They let out a sigh of relief when Itachi seemed to not notice them and sped away.

"Ok. Let's bolt before he comes back," said Naruto. Sadamitsu nodded her head. They started to move, but the space was so small that they were stuck. They looked at their positions. Naruto had his hand on the wall beside Sadamitsu to support himself, while she was leaning against the wall. There were approximately two inches of space between their faces. She stared into his electrifying blue eyes and soon found herself lost in them. Naruto looked into her soft brown ones and found that he couldn't move away from them. Slowly and unconsciously they closed the two inch gap between their faces. They closed their eyes and their lips met in a sweet passionate kiss. After sometime they broke the kiss. They both reddened.

"Well, well, looks like the two lovebirds are stuck," said a voice. Kisame looked at them while grinning.

"Kisame! Get us out of here!" yelled Naruto.

"Hold on, kid," said Kisame. "I'm gonna swing the Samehada and break the stone."

Kisame swung the huge sword and smashed the rock. Naruto cushioned the impact by concentrating chakra onto his back, but that didn't stop the force of the blow. Naruto was sent forward into Sadamitsu and her breasts squished against Naruto's chest whist his manhood touched her crotch area. They both blushed while Kisame laughed all the way back.

Itachi was not seen anywhere until the dawn where he returned looking like a scarecrow.

Description of Character

Name: Sadamitsu

Age: 15

Place of origin: Unknown

Color of Hair: Black

Color of Eyes: Brown

Color of Skin: Pale, almost blue

Color of lips: Dark Blue, close to Gray

Height: 5 foot and 6 inches

Weight: 45 kg

Preferred Clothing: Light Blue Kimono with Dark Blue flower designs

Preferred Weapon: The Scourge (A huge scythe)


	28. Into Hell and Back

Naruto stood in front of Zabuza and Haku's grave. Weeds had grown around them.

"I'm back, Zabuza, Haku," said Naruto in a soft voice. "I wonder how you two are doing,"

Naruto bent down and plucked the weeds. He looked at the old sword embedded on the ground. It was rusty and dirty. He got a clean cloth and cleaned the sword thoroughly before doing the same to Haku's grave.

"Kakashi's not here. Neither is my team. I'm no longer a part of Konoha," Naruto said. Kisame appeared beside him with the twelve inch dragon.

"Naruto, your dragon keeps bothering…" he stopped when he saw the old rusty sword.

"Kisame, do you remember this sword?" asked Naruto as he touched the rusty tip of the rusty blade.

"Yea, I remember it," said Kisame as he let out a sigh. "Zabuza got himself killed, huh?"

Ryuusa crawled to Naruto's shoulder. "Naruto-sama, how did your friend die?"

"He died." -He sighed-"When my old sensei crippled his arms and he fought a whole group of ninjas with a kunai in his mouth."

"He must be really strong," commented Ryuusa.

"Back when we were still The Seven…" Kisame said as he touched the old sword. "I and Zabuza were like brothers. All of us were. I remember there's one time when he just took the small boy in, we all thought he was a girl, and the rest of The Seven wagered 10000 ryo that we were sure that boy was a girl, and Zabuza got rich that day."

"Then how did The Seven…" Naruto stopped; he didn't know how to put this into words. "Became what it is today."

Kisame sighed. "There was another group of shinobi under the Mizukage aside from us. Back then we weren't as good as them, but as the time went by, we all got better and better at a rapid rate, catching the Mizukage's interest as the first line of the defense for the military. At that time, being the first line of defense means that the group is very trusted by the Mizukage and will also receive the most dangerous missions and the best rewards, and also if the first line of defense died in a war, the family would receive a large amount of money to help them 'ease the burden'. So, being the first line in the defense at that time was very beneficial, even if you have to risk your life. So the other group grew afraid that we would replace them as the first line, so they devised a plan to make us look like we were going to betray the Mizukage. I don't know how they did it, but they did it. Some of us were killed then, and only a few remain. My sister, Zabuza, I and another named Raiga escaped from the country and became missing ninjas."

"So, what happened to your sister?" asked Naruto.

"I don't know we used to meet at the Tea Country every year to catch up and enjoy tea together, but the last time that happened was five years ago. I've never seen her since then," said Kisame. "But I wouldn't worry myself over her. She's a tough fighter. So she'll live."

'What about Raiga?" asked Ryuusa.

"I don't know, the last time I've seen him is when he was in a small village near the Curry of Life Shop," answered Kisame.

"Do you want to find him?" asked Naruto. Kisame waved his hands madly.

"Hell no, man! If you love funerals, then find him yourself," said Kisame.

"So, this is Zabuza's grave," said Itachi as he prayed in front of the grave.

"Gah! When did you appear!" exclaimed Kisame.

"Haku, I wish I could talk to you. I really want to get to know you more. If only we weren't enemies back then…" Naruto whispered as he prayed at Haku's grave. Suddenly something cold fell onto Naruto's nose. He took it into his hands- it was snow!

"It's snowing!" exclaimed Ryuusa.

"Yes, indeed it has," said Itachi as he looked at the falling crystals.

"This also happened before," said Naruto. "The day when Haku and Zabuza died, it snowed like this too. I remembered that Zabuza saying that he wanted to be with Haku to the end before he died and I saw Haku shed a tear. Zabuza also said that Haku is like the snow, pure and innocent. He was born in a place full of snow, and he died in a place full of snow."

"Naruto…" a familiar voice called. Everyone looked at the grave. Haku was standing there, wearing his girl like kimono and smiling. He was almost transparent. Naruto smiled.

"Haku, it's nice to see you again. How's Zabuza?" said Naruto as he approached Haku.

"Hi there, kid," greeted Kisame as he stood beside Naruto.

"Kisame-sama, it's good to see you again, despite that I'm dead," greeted Haku with a bow. Kisame chuckled.

"So, where's that bonehead Zabuza?" asked Kisame as he looked around for the shirtless swordsman. Haku's face turned to one of sadness.

"Unfortunately, the Shinigami took him away for his sins," said Haku.

"Then why didn't he take you along?" asked Naruto.

"I wish he would, but he didn't. I don't know why," answered Haku.

"It's because you're pure," said Itachi as he read through the bible. Everyone gathered around him and looked at the bible. "The Death God cannot touch anything that is pure, expect pure evil. And also, pure things cannot be brought into the world of Hell, or it will lose its purity."

"So, Haku cannot go into Hell to get Zabuza back," Naruto said. Itachi nodded.

"I would love to, but I don't know the spell for the portal ," said Haku.

"Spells for Hell Portal…" Itachi recited as he flipped through the bible. He then landed on a page. "Found it. We need a huge lens to gather the light of a full moon on to a top of a mountain and then enter the portal as soon as it opens, because the portal only lasts for five seconds."

"Tonight we have a full moon," said Kisame.

"The lens?" asked Itachi. Naruto slammed both his palm onto the ground and huge ice lens appeared in front of him. Itachi nodded.

"Nothing else?" asked Naruto. Itachi shook his head.

"I must go, I cannot stay in the sunlight for too long. Meet me here tonight?" Haku asked.

"We'll be here," said Naruto. Haku bowed and vanished into thin air.

"So, Itachi, how are you planning to get Zabuza back from the deep bowels of Hell?" asked Kisame.

"Easy, we fight or way through," answered Itachi as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

"You need to see a doctor," said Naruto as he snatched the bible form Itachi's hands. He flipped through the pages quickly, his pupils darting left and right, scanning page after page until he finally stopped and pointed at a particular paragraph.

"There it is, The Army of the Devil himself," Naruto read from the bible. "To get a soul back from the bowels of hell, one must fight through three stages of the Devil's army. The first stage is the footmen, who were the front lines of attack during the War of the Ages. Although weak individually, it is not to be taken lightly because often they attack in thousands. The second stage is the corrosive dragon stage, which were the first line of defense, as they spit huge amounts of concentrated acid from their mouth at amazing speeds to kill their enemies. The dragons were the most trusted protectors of Hell and defended the flanks well enough to push the Heavenly Army back when they attempted to attack while a distraction led the main army away from Hell. The third stage is the most dangerous of all, where one would face the most trusted general of the Devil himself. During the War, he very nearly led the Devil's Army to victory against the Heavenly Army. He is skilled and his strategic mind knows no equal."

"Itachi, how are the three of us plus Naruto's dragon going to break through three stages of the Devi's Army?" asked Kisame while waving his hands in the air.

"Don't you mean the four of us?" corrected Deidara as he appeared beside Itachi.

"That still doesn't make much difference. How in the world are we going to get into Hell and get Zabuza out alive?" repeated Kisame.

"I think it's best if we decide who fights which troop," suggested Naruto. " I can handle the dragons."

"I think Dei and I will take the footmen," said Kisame.

"So, that means…" Itachi said. Everyone nodded.

"I will help you as soon as I'm done," said Naruto.

"I am so dead," mumbled Itachi under his breath.

"So, when are we going to enter Hell?" asked Kisame.

"At mid night, but we need to get ready," said Itachi. "So, we will meet here at eight o'clock."

"Hey, guys! What are you talking about?" Sadamitsu appeared in a swirl of blue butterflies.

"Nothing," answered everyone in unison.

"We were just talking about the War of the Ages that happened a long time ago," said Naruto. That's not a lie, he thought.

"Naruto, do not forget," reminded Itachi as he disappeared in a swirl of leaves. The rest just nodded and went on doing what they did best, which was playing the PS3.

"What was Itachi-san talking about?" asked Sadamitsu.

"Nothing important," answered Naruto.

"Really?" asked Sadamitsu suspiciously.

"It's really nothing," answered Naruto as he waved his hands in front of him.

"I don't believe you," said Sadamitsu.

"That's your problem then," said Naruto.

"Really?" asked Sadamitsu in a seductive voice as she wrapped both her arms around Naruto's neck.

"Err…" Sadamitsu caressed his cheeks with the back of her hand.

"Tell me," she said in the same seductive voice.

"Can't. You may get killed," said Naruto.

"Are you saying that I'm weak then?" asked Sadamitsu in an angry voice as she folded her hands across her chest.

"No, I'm not saying that," Naruto answered.

"Then why don't you tell me anything?" Sadamitsu asked angrily.

"I can't because we don't know if we'll even come out form there alive!" yelled Naruto. " I don't want to put you in danger."

"What about you?" asked Sadamitsu. "I don't want you to die or get hurt."

"Then pray for me, my dear, pray for me," whispered Naruto into her ear as he hugged her.

"Must you go? I don't want to lose you," Sadamitsu whispered back. Naruto didn't answer her, instead just hugged her tighter.

At night, eight o'clock…

Naruto saw that the others were already at the grave. Haku was already there, talking to Itachi and Kisame.

"Ready?" asked Naruto as he arrived. Itachi looked in his direction, and saw that he was with Sadamitsu.

"What's the girl doing here? Don't tell me you're thinking of bringing her in," said Itachi. Naruto shook his head.

"She isn't coming with us into the portal," Naruto said. "She'd be staying with Haku here to look after the lens and also back us up."

"Back us up?" asked Itachi. "How's she going to do that?"

"The bible says that if anyone of us gets seriously injured, the lens will bleed human blood," said Naruto. "I saw it when I was flipping through the pages."

"So…you're saying when the lens bleed, she'll open the portal and drag us out?" asked Itachi. Naruto shook his head.

"She'll read this," said Naruto as he flipped the bible to a page and pointed at a paragraph.

"It's an escape spell. She reads this, we'll be back in two minutes," explained Naruto.

"Ok, then are we ready?" asked Kisame as he unwrapped his sword. Everyone nodded.

"Then we position the lens," instructed Itachi. "Naruto, fifty eight degrees vertically and facing southwest." Naruto nodded and slammed his palm onto the ground, and tiny ice pillars positioned the lens.

"Move it three meters forward," instructed Itachi. Naruto pushed some chakra into the ground and the pillar moved three meters to the front. "Now we go to the top of the mountain and wait for midnight."

At midnight…

The moon's rays reflected off the lens and the portal opened in front of them. Naruto looked back once at Sadamitsu, she had a worried look on her face. He smiled and entered the portal as it closed.

Naruto landed on his feet, beside Kisame. Ryuusa was on his head and scooted to his shoulder once he landed.

"Who dares enter the realm of the dead?" A rough voice called out. Naruto and co. looked up, and saw the footmen in front of them. They were small, about five feet tall, but the numbers were simply overwhelming.

"Naruto, Itachi, go!" Kisame said as he hacked the first footman with his sword. "Dei and I will handle them." Naruto looked at Kisame and took off after Itachi. Soon, the dragon's den came into view. The dragons roared at them fiercely and took to the air. They circled around them. Naruto pushed Itachi away.

"Go!" Naruto yelled. Itachi was gone instantly. "Now, how do I take care of them?"

"Do you need help, Naruto-sama?" asked Ryuusa.

"Ryuusa, how many brothers do you have that are bigger than you?" asked Naruto.

"Err…I have two brothers and a sister. All elder than me," answered Ryuusa.

"Your father?" asked Naruto.

"He wouldn't want to be here," said Ryuusa. "He doesn't like to fight."

Naruto slammed both his palm onto the ground and in a puff of smoke three slightly larger dragons appeared. Ryuusa shifted back to her original size.

"Who summoned us?" the largest dragon asked.

"He did, brother," Ryuusa answered as she pointed at Naruto. "He's Naruto-sama."

"I never heard of him before," the large dragon said.

"That's because I've never summoned you before," Naruto said. The dragon looked at Naruto.

"You don't look too capable of summoning us," the dragon said as he circled around Naruto.

"Don't judge me by my looks," Naruto said.

"He's really strong, brother," Ryuusa said.

"We'll see about that," the dragon blew a blast off cold wind from his mouth and froze Naruto. The dragon smiled. "He is weak."

"Is that so?" Naruto stroked Ryuusa's head. The dragon looked at the frozen Naruto and realized that it was a clone.

"See, I told you he's strong," Ryuusa snapped at her brother.

"My apologies, Naruto-sama. What is it that you need us for?" The dragon lowered its head.

"Can you take care of them for me?" Naruto pointed to the circling corrosive dragons.

"As you wish," said the dragon.

"One thing before you go, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let the acid touch you," warned Naruto. "Understand?" When they all nodded their heads, he smiled and waved them off. Ryuusa crawled to beside Naruto.

"I apologize for my brother, Naruto-sama. He's always like that," said Ryuusa as she bowed.

"Don't sweat it. Now let's help them," said Naruto. Ryuusa nodded and took to the air. Naruto shook his head and smiled. He looked at the skies. Through Naruto's dragons were larger compared to the enemies, but they lacked experience, were outnumbered 3:1 and could not predict their opponents' next move. As a result, one dragon got knocked down from the air and was sent down. Naruto slammed his fist on the ground and a huge icy hand appeared form the ground and intercepted the dragon's fall.

"You all right?" asked Naruto. The dragon nodded and thanked him before taking to the air again. Ryuusa was fairing slightly better compared to the rest because although she was weaker, she had more experience while being with Naruto. Naruto frowned, his dragons were losing. He concentrated some chakra onto his hand and shaped it into a bow. He made an arrow with the other hand and pulled the chakra string backwards. He released the arrow and it penetrated through the air and the enemy dragon's gut. The dragon froze and fell to the ground dead.

Naruto pulled back another arrow and aimed it at a slightly larger enemy dragon and released the arrow. The arrow cut through the air but the dragon turned its head and dissolved it with its acid. Naruto frowned. Just then Naruto's dragons fell onto the ground. It seemed that they were no match for the enemy dragons. The enemy dragons gathered together and spit acid at the same time towards them. Naruto appeared in front of his dragons and made a hand seal. He took a deep breath and blew out a stream of blue flame. The flame met the acid an explosion took place.

"We're sorry that we weren't of any help, Naruto-sama," Ryuusa apologized.

"Think nothing of it. I will handle this personally," said Naruto. Naruto flashed through seventeen seals and took another deep breath. Chakra started to leak out form his body. Naruto released his breath at once and a cold shockwave exploded from his mouth, freezing all the enemy dragons. Naruto's dragons looked at him strangely.

"Are you all right?' he asked them.

"We're fine," Ryuusa answered. "What technique was that?"

"Huh, oh, pay no mind to that," Naruto said as he waved his hand dismissively. A scream was heard from ahead. "ITACHI!!" Naruto quickly bolted into the direction Itachi went. He found him lying on the ground, but he was not hurt.

"Not even a scratch. Then what happened?" Naruto said to himself.

"Welcome to the Devil's lair," a booming voice greeted. Naruto looked up and saw a red gargoyle like creature with bull horns and huge wings. "The Devil is not in at the moment, so I'll be entertaining you in his place."

"You must be the General then," Naruto said. "What you did to my friend I don't know, but I'll pay you back with interest." Naruto unrolled scroll and made a hand seal. His black and red katana appeared in a poof. Naruto held the katana in front of him. "I hope you're ready." Naruto disappeared. The demon raised his arm. Naruto's katana hit it immediately. He disappeared again and this time the demon flapped his wings hard. Naruto was seen on the ground almost instantly as he skidded back and disappeared.

"Boy, I tire of playing games," the demon said as he suddenly reach out to grab something. Instantly Naruto's katana appeared in his hands and he gripped the blade. He swung Naruto by the blade and Naruto flew away. The demon held the red and black katana in his hands and then broke it in half. Naruto's eyes went as wide as saucers.

"My blade!" Naruto called out. "Now you've done it." Naruto slammed his palm on the ground and the place instantly froze. Snow started falling and the stony area turned into ice.

"Impressive," the demon praised.

"Today the ice will preserve you forever," Naruto said as he got up. He made another hand seal and his body glowed for a few seconds.

"We'll see about that," the demon said. Naruto charged forward, ten times faster than before. The devil smirked and disappeared as well. He and Naruto met in a clash, and Naruto was sent back a few feet, but he quickly disappeared again. Naruto appeared beside the devil crouched over. He pushed some chakra onto the icy ground and spikes pierced through the ground. The demon disappeared in time to avoid being stabbed and Naruto pushed more chakra into the ground. Huge icy hands appeared form the ground, following the demon as he tried to dodge and step of their range. Then one hand caught hold of the demon's leg and the rest of the hands grabbed him and froze him. Naruto slammed his fists onto the ground and spikes of ice came from around the lair and stabbed at the frozen demon.

"Done, one preserved demon ready for cooking," Naruto said with a smile as he walked towards the demon. He looked at the frozen demon through the ice. The demon smiled and Naruto's eyes widened. He gasped and quickly jumped back and placed his arms in front of him as a shield, as the ice broke and was sent flying everywhere. One hit Naruto in the right upper arm and another hit his side.

Sadamitsu saw human blood oozing out from the lens, and immediately started chanting the spell.

"FOOL! YOUR PUNY ICE ATTACKS CANNOT HARM ME!" the demon exclaimed as he burst out into a fit of mocking laugh. "I WILL FINISH THIS NOW!" The demon took a deep breath, and blew out black flames from his demonic mouth towards Naruto. Naruto quickly made a one handed seal, and summoned an iceberg to block the flames suing all his chakra. The flames melted the ice easily and Naruto saw black before the flames reached him.

The demon smirked as he watched the black flames burn. The smirk soon disappeared when Naruto stood there, with blood red slit eyes and elongated canines. Naruto looked like he was in a trance, as his eyes showed no signs of humanity.

"Naruto, we got the bonehead, let's go!" Kisame called as he entered the lair. He immediately stopped in his tracks and gave the signal for Deidara to stop as well as soon as he saw the state Naruto was in and Itachi on the ground.

Naruto charged forward, and brought his clawed hand down. The devil blocked it with his own and found that it was stronger beyond his imagination. The demon screamed out in pain as his hand smashed against Naruto's clawed hand and backed away a few steps.

"NOW YOU HAVE DONE IT! I WILL KILL YOU HERE AND NOW!" the demon yelled, enraged. It emitted a large amount of energy from its body. The energy was so vile that Kisame and Deidara had to back up a little, although they were nowhere close to the demon. The demon suddenly slammed his hands on the ground, causing it to break and sending a line of fiery red flames towards Naruto, who countered with his own stream of red chakra. The two forces met in a violent explosion and the fiery red force from the demon managed to overpower the red chakra and rushed towards the in trance Naruto. He jumped sideways to avoid the fire, and landed on all fours. The demon was suddenly behind him, capturing him by the collar and flinging him to the wall. Naruto hit with a loud crash, and he fell down with his head bleeding. The demon attacked again, but Kisame slammed his Samehada into his face, sending him back a good ten meters.

"Itachi, wake up," Deidara shook him. Itachi didn't respond. He hit his fist into Itachi's gut, effectively got his blood flowing and waking him up. "Come on, we have to go."

"Where's the portal!" Deidara shouted to Kisame as he helped Itachi to his feet. Kisame blocked a punch with Samehada.

"At the entrance!" Kisame yelled back as he swung his blade. The demon jumped back and Deidara threw a smoke bomb in front of the demon, and effectively blinding the demon. Kisame hauled Naruto onto his shoulders and ran out of the room. He saw Deidara in front of him.'

"Hurry, Dei, before he catches us!" Kisame yelled. The portal soon came into view and they entered it without hesitation.

Sadamitsu paced back and forth while Haku sat on a rock. Suddenly a portal tore open in front of them and Kisame and co. stepped out of the portal. Itachi fell to the ground, unconscious while Kisame gently put Naruto on the ground.

"What happened to him?" asked Sadamitsu as soon as she saw Naruto's injuries.

"He fought with the General after Itachi was defeated," Kisame answered. "Don't panic, he'll be all right."

I'm calm, I'm calm," Sadamitsu reassured as she took in some deep breaths.

"Good, because he's dead," Kisame stated.

"WHAT!!" Sadamitsu yelled at the top of her voice.

"Nah, just kidding," Kisame said with a smile. Sadamitsu turned red with anger, and took out her huge scythe and began to hack it at Kisame, who dodged the life threatening swings by running around and jumping at times while screaming like a banshee.

As the two were chasing and trying to hack off each other's heads, Deidara applied some medical cream to Naruto's wounds and bandaged them up. Suddenly Naruto opened his eyes, which scared the color out of Deidara.

"Where am I?" he asked softly.

Deidara took quick short breaths while holding his heart, before finally calming down. "We made it back. We got Zabuza."

"Dei, can you help me up? I want to see him," Naruto said. Deidara nodded, and helped Naruto sit up slowly.

"Hiya, brat," Zabuza said looking down at Naruto.

"Zabuza, long time no see, eh?" Naruto managed a weak smile.

"Indeed it has been a long time. How's Kakashi and your team mates?" he asked. Naruto smiled.

"They're fine. Sasuke and Sakura just got married," Naruto informed Zabuza. Then Zabuza looked at Naruto and saw something missing.

"Kid, where's that forehead protector you're so proud of?" Zabuza pointed out.

"He is no longer part of Konoha," Deidara answered for Naruto.

"Huh? You're a missing ninja? That was so unexpected," Zabuza exclaimed.

"Things have happened, Zabuza. Besides, I'm happy where I am right now," Naruto said.

"Naruto, you're all right!" Sadamitsu said, letting out a relieved sigh as she dragged Kisame by the collar.

"Well, all right wouldn't exactly right. I think that it would be better to say that I'm still alive and in one piece," Naruto corrected for her.

"You mangy ass, you told me you wouldn't get hurt!" Sadamitsu scolded as she placed her hands on her small shapely hips.

"No, my dear, I didn't say that. It was you," Naruto said.

"NARUTO!!" Sadamitsu yelled.

"How's Itachi?" Naruto asked.

"He's a lot better off than you, man," Kisame said.

"NARUTO! Don't ignore me!" Sadamitsu yelled.

"Anyone got tea?" Naruto asked. Suddenly Itachi sat up, scaring the hell out of everyone.

"I got it," he answered as he mysteriously made a tea set with hot tea appear.

"Come and have some tea, Sadamitsu," Naruto said to the angry girl. The girl _humph_ed, and took a seat beside him. Naruto poured a cup of tea for her and another for himself. They all took a sip of their tea, and their bodies immediately relaxed.

"Now, this is good tea," Kisame commented.

"Yeah, the taste is just right," Naruto said. "What do you think, my dear?"

"Makes my body relax," Sadamitsu answered. Naruto nodded and took another sip of tea.

"I need a new blade. That demon tore mine in half," Naruto said. The whole of the mini Akatsuki gasped.

"Dude, that blade is forged with the hardest metal known," Kisame exclaimed.

"I know that, man. But he did broke it in half," he said. He did a hand seal, and the two sword pieces appeared in front of him.

"Let me see that," Kisame instructed. Naruto handed him the blade, and after some investigating he smiled.

"Don't worry, man, this will be easy to fix," Kisame reassured. "Now all I need is the Amateretsu."

Itachi was seen faking sleep, and he was really bad at it.

"Itachi, I know you're faking it, man. I need that black flame of yours to fix this thing. Come on, hurry up," Kisame said as he kicked Itachi softly.

I have a plan, Deidara signaled using hand signs. Kisame nodded vigorously and stepped back. Deidara took out a drill.

Turn him around, he signaled. Kisame obliged, wanting to see what scheme Deidara has. Deidara powered up the drill, and drove it into Itachi's ass. Itachi screamed like a girl and Deidara drilled deeper. Itachi screamed louder, while the group fell onto their backs and laughed so much that they had problems breathing.

"Itachi got fucked by a drill!" Kisame said as he continued to laugh. Naruto laughed so much that his wounds reopened, but he just couldn't stop. Sadamitsu was clutching her sides and trying her hardest to stop her laughter, or else she thought that she would die.

Itachi was crying as he sat on a bucket of ice, and Deidara was trying to get the drill bit off the drill.

"Let's go home," Naruto said. Everyone nodded, including Itachi, despite that he got a free ass cleaning.


	29. One Heck of a Dream

**FINALLY, THE NICKIE HAS COME BACK TO FANFICTION!!! AFTER ENDURING TEN PAINFUL MONTHS OF COLLEGE, THE NICKIE HAS FINALLY RETURNED!!!!! HI'D CHA SMELLLLLAAAAAAA WHAT THE NICKIE (****pls**** do not comment on this note) Now if you guys are wondering how Sadamitsu looks like, I'll try to dug up a picture for you. I hear some of you complaining that the seven hearted ****dood**** is not in my Akatsuki team. Worry ****not,**** I'm thinking a way to introduce him to the team now as we speak. **** I graciously thank you for your 'patience' (if you count filling my email inbox with reviews and PMs that say "Update this story, fucker!!" patience, yeah, I really need to thank you all.) So…on with the story!!!**

"Back, Kisame, back!!" Naruto yelled.

"I know, I know! Stop shouting for god's sake! I'm right beside you!" Kisame yelled back.

"**FIRST BLOOD!!" **rang out. **"Our champion has fallen."**

"Damn it, Kisame, I thought I told you to go back!" Naruto yelled.

"You think I didn't hear you!! Unfortunately for me, Crystal Maiden is a fucking slow character in DotA!!"

"That's why I told you to stay behind me. I'm using a tanker!!" Naruto yelled.

"What'd ya expect? I'm a noob when it comes to DotA!!" Kisame countered, his beady eyes suddenly became puppy dog eyes, and his mouth curled into a pout that made the blue fishman look like a cute kid. (Please do not hesitate to vomit on your keyboard.)

"Forget it! Just stay behind me. And when I say bite, use Frost Bite on the enemy, got it?" he instructed. Kisame nodded, and faced his computer once again.

An allied message came from the other players from their team. it read '**Care. ****Sand King coming.'**

"Kisame, be careful. Sand King is coming," he said, as he commanded his character to kill the green ghouls. As said, the Sand King (Which happens to be a scorpion, obviously) came into their view.

"Kisame, get the Frost Bite ready!" he instructed. Kisame immediately got ready.

"Here he comes!" Naruto said. "Now!"

Kisame activated the spell, trapping his enemy in a block of ice. Naruto taking this opportunity, attacked as much as he can before the spell wore away, which happened to be 3 seconds.

"You're not getting away!" he exclaimed as he activated his own spell, Dragon's Tail, to stun the enemy.

"Kisame, ulti!"

"Aye!" Kisame activated the ulti, Freezing Field, causing the area around his character to explode ice randomly. A vile scream was heard as the enemy fell prey to the might of Naruto and Kisame's heroes.

**'Fish dude (Kisame) has pawned GG's (the enemy's name) for 290 gold'**appeared on the screen of both of them.

"Nice, man! Now's that's the way to play DotA!" Naruto said.

"I'm getting the hang of this shit!!" Kisame said excitedly.

Five minutes later…

**"GODLIKE!!"**

**"Our champion has fallen." **

"WTF!!! HOW CAN YOU GET KILLED 8 TIMES MORE IN FIVE FUCKING MINUTES!!!" Naruto yelled. Kisame was crying like a child, tears falling down his face like a rapid waterfall, his thumb firmly embedded in his mouth as he sucked on it like a little baby while rocking to and fro like an idiot.

"Naruto…hiccupsniffcry….I wanna go home…I want my mommy!!!" he cried out like a three year old.

"OMG…." was all Naruto could say. Just then, the closed door to the cybercafé opened, shining unwanted light to the dark room.

"ULALALALAALALALAALALA!!!!! HOW YA DO, AMIGOS!" a Mexican voice that sounded familiar rang out. Naruto gasped. Kisame's eyes widened. Their jaws dropped onto the ground like steel, knocking onto someone's foot, causing the random person to scream like a girl.

The owner of the Mexican voice entered the dark room, now bright. He wore a Mexican outfit, that is a long sleeved shirt in dark colours and a brown leather sleeveless coat. He even wore the huge freaky Mexican pants that had fancy designs in their sides and carried the shaky things that looked like eggs with handles which made sounds that I can't describe because my English has its limits. To top it off, he wore a huge hat with beads hanging from all around it and last but not least, a rose between his teeth. He raised his eyebrows once, and twice, like The Mask, and began to dance around, shaking his hips and the eggs with handles thingy that I can't seem to describe.

"COME ON, SERNIOR AND SENIORITAS, DANCE WITH ME!!" he called out as he danced to a Mexican rhythm that was strangely there for no reason. The people looked at him, drool falling from their mouths, boogers falling from their nostrils. Their eyes were so white that it made the Hyuugas' eyes look black. Kisame, the first one to come to his senses, quickly did the most logical thing that a fish could think of- join the dance.

He took off his red and black cloak, and revealed a dance suit for Waltz. Kisame danced Waltz to the music that was there for no reason, and gracefully stripped the Mexican of his outfit, revealing another Waltz dance costume. The two danced together like a couple, their eyes interlocked and their breaths inches away from each other.

"Naruto, let's dance. I wanna do that." Naruto turned his head, and saw Sadamitsu in a ballet costume. It fitted her figure nicely, showing off her every curve. Naruto's eyes found it hard to tear away from this angelic body, and could feel a slight tingle of blood run down his nose. Quickly regaining his composure, he stripped himself of his red and black, only to find that he was wearing…NOTHING!!!!

Sadamitsu looked at him, her hands instantly covering both her mouth and nose at the same time. Kisame and the unknown Mexican man looked at him, and were frozen in place. The whole room looked at him, and suddenly a wave of self despair appeared in the room.

"Food…fffoooodddd…." One of them said, pointing to Naruto's balls and member.

"Fried eggs and hotdog…" another one said as he advanced towards Naruto.

"My precious…my precious…" Sadamitsu said as she began to stroke his member.

Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his crotch and….he screamed.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. He threw the blanket off his body, and sat up in one quick jerk.

"Naruto, what's wrong?" Sadamitsu asked, holding his arm. He looked at her- she was in her undergarments.

"Wow. Now that's a sight to look at," Naruto exclaimed.

"You said it, man!!!" Naruto looked at the open hotel room door, and found Kisame, Itachi and Deidara looking at the half naked Sadamitsu. Their faces were set into a perverted smile. She immediately covered herself up, and took out her insanely huge scythe.

"DEATH TO ALL ENEMIES OF WOMENKIND!!!" She announced in an evil voice. Her scythe seemed to glimmer for a second, as if excited about cutting them.

"Kisame, Dei, before we are killed…RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!" Itachi yelled the last part as soon as he zipped away from the angry girl.

She charged after them, her eyes gleaming with evil. The three screamed like kiddies, trying their best to outrun her. That night, they found out why Son Goku is so afraid of his own wife, even if he is the strongest man in the universe.

**An average chapter, almost lame if I do say so myself.**** Anyways…I'm still trying to get my writing touch back, so bear with me. If you have any suggestions, do not hesitate to tell me. No matter how stupid or how fucked up they are**** I will take them into consideration. **


	30. Dei's Invention

**It seems that I still need to remind some of you people that this here is a fucking crack fic!!! A motherfucking crack fic!!!!!! So please for god's sake ****DON'T ****expect anything good and ****emo**** or juicy out of it. This is purely an idiotic fic for people to laugh their ass off on. So please don't say "my god, this story is so fucked up!" or "This is a fucking skeleton of a fucking story!" ****cuz**** like hell I care!!! I WILL NOW REPEAT FOR THOSE BONE HEADS – THIS FIC HERE IS A FUCKING ****CRACK**** FIC!! IT IS DEDICATED TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH, NO MATTER WHAT THE CONTENTS ARE!!!!**

**So, with that cleared up, on with the story!!!**

**WAIT!!! Before the story starts…I need to clarify something. I cannot and will not write a story that will involve a love triangle or anything similar to it. My brain power is limited and my experience on that matter is close to nil. Sorry… **

**NOW, on with the story!!!**

CRINK!! CRINK!!! CRANK!! CRANK!!!! BUZZZZZ!!!!! EEEEKKKKKK!!!!!!!! PRRRRRRRRRTTTTRRRTTT!!! HAMMER!!! HAMMER!!!!

"What the hell are you doing, Dei?" Kisame yelled, trying to raise his voice over the noise of the equipments that Deidara is using, namely the wrench, the jackhammer, the cement drill, the hammer and other tools that a mechanic or a builder should have, would have and must have in order to build or dismantle any obstacle in the way of their success namely huge bricks, cemented walls, Manchester United's manager Alex Ferguson, the stupid cunts at the FIFA and the English FA who want to limit the amount of foreign players at England because of their own inability to qualify for the Euro 2008 and last but not least all Manchester United's players regardless of age, even if they're retired or about to be signed in the future (**if you haven't guess, I am an Arsenal fan)**. Deidara lifted his wielding mask and turned into EVIL SCIENTIST mode.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! FINALLY, MY GREATEST INVENTION IS COMPLETE!!!!!! NOW I SHALL BE THE BEST THERE IS!!!!" he announced in an evil scientist like voice, scaring Kisame and the gang shitless. Kisame and Itachi cuddled together and shivered in fear, while Sadamitsu hid behind an in-shock Naruto, who now had white eyes and droll flowing down his colour-drained body. And is if this situation is a movie, the lightning flashed and thunder roared, giving Deidara a complete evil scientist feel that could scare the hell out of anyone that as not already been scared by a video of an extremely fat and obese man mimicking the hot and sexy Shakira. The said video is seen by me and me alone when my friend decided that the world needed some entertainment and showed me the video that would forever scar my fragile yet perverted little brain.

"Mommy…where are you…" Kisame said in a kid like voice, sucking both his thumbs while his tears rolled down his cheeks.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! FINALLY MY GREATEST CREATION!!!! THE STUPID UMNAMED INVENTION OF MINE WHICH I AM TOO LAZY TO NAME EVEN IF IT WOULD MAKE ME LOOK COOL!!!"

Deidara held in his hand a small grey ball like thingy, about the size of a squash ball, without the unusual dot of yellowyness or redness or whiteyness and the annoying bounciness that always make my racquet miss the ball for some unknown reason. Damn it, I will never forgive their frigging bounciness.

"What is it?" asked Naruto after the dude who colours comics decided to revive him from his world of black and white of uncolouredness.

"It's an unknown invention of mine dedicated to being non-bounciness," Deidara answered.

"It's a hard ball…" Itachi said.

"Nah, it's not. It's more like a small ball of doomness aimed at blowing up all poachers that seek to end the line of great white sharks and tiger sharks and all my cousins. HURRAY, COUSINS!!! WE ARE SAVED BY THE GILRY BLONDE OF THE ORGANISATION OF RED SCHOOL GIRLS ON VACATION FOR UNKNOWN REASONS!!!!! WE SAHLL PREVAIL!!! WE SHALL RULE THE WORLD!!! WE SHALL-" he was obviously cut off by Naruto.

"Become shark fin soup if you don't shut the hell up." The very mention of shark fin soup brought tears to his eyes, although they were like damn fake.

"WHY MUST YOU ALL BE SO MEAN TO THE SHARKS??!! THEY WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO PREY ON INNOCENT CHILDREN AND RAPE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, AND RULE THE WORLD!!" he cried.

"SHARK FIN SOUP, HERE WE COME!!" Itachi declared as he pulled out a double bladed axe and started chasing Kisame, attempting to slash him into bits.

"DEI, PREPARE THE INGREDIENTS!!!" yelled Itachi.

"So, what is this thing?" Sadamitsu asked.

"It's an unknown invention of mine, dedicated to being non-bounciness.," he answered.

"Let me see," Naruto said. He took the metal ball which was without the bounciness of the freaking squash ball, and looked at it. "Dei, what is this button?" He pointed to a small green button.

"I have absolutely no idea. Wanna press it?" he asked. Naruto pressed the button, and suddenly the ball grew in size, a lot bigger. Suddenly it sprouted arms, and legs and a head, and sword and gun and suddenly five dudes of different coloured suits appeared before them. One was wearing blue, one green, yellow, red and pink.

"We are the Power Dunced Rangers!!!! You shall pay for your evil crimes!!!" With that, they boarded the big robot which was directly behind them, and looked strangely similar to that of the original Power Ranger's Megazord.

"GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!!"

"WHAT THE FUCK??!! WHO IS SINGING THAT LAME SONG!!!"

They got their answer when a band was seen behind them, singing _GO __GO__ POWER RANGERS!!!_

"The band must be taken out at all costs!!!" Naruto declared.

"Thou shall not harm our band!!" the Dunce declared as the giant robot stood between them. "Get them!!!" _**POWER BLAST!!!!**_

A huge death ray came from the robot aimed at the small helpless and defenseless although handsome and beautiful ninjas.

"Let's go, Sadamitsu!" Naruto called. _**Hyouton no jutsu!!**____**Haryuu **____**Muuko**____**!! Suiton**__** no jutsu!! **__**Suiryuudan!!**_

The two techniques clashed with the death ray of the robot, but the death ray proved more well…deadly than they thought, because the two techniques did absolutely nothing to slow it down. The trio leapt away from the death ray zone and landed well…somewhere else.

"Dei, the band must be taken out at all costs. Leave the robot to us!" Naruto said. Dei nodded and took off.

"Fools, the band cannot be destroyed!! They are almighty!! They are-"

"Damn lame and should be castrated immediately and have their leftovers squashed by an elephant ass," Naruto interrupted.

"How dare you insult the world's-"

"Most idiotic band singing the world's most idiotic song?"

"Face the wrath of the Megazord!! _**ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE!!! FIVE EMELENTAL POWERFUL BLAST OF DOOM!!!**_"

_________**Hyouton no jutsu!! **__**Itsukaku **____**Hakusei!!!**_

A giant one horned whale sprung up from the unknown, striking the robot with such a force that it threatened to fall behind.

"Now!" Naruto yelled.___________**S**__**u**__**i**__**ton**__** no jutsu!! **__**Suiryuudan**__** no jutsu!! **_

The watery dragon smashed into the metallic robot, the force behind it completing the robot's unsightly fall into the hard unforgiving ground below, which cracked up into a robot shape crater that will soon bring wealth to the country for being a big tourist hit.

"SELF DESTRUCT IN TEN SECONDS."

"RUN!! THE ROBOT'S GONNA BLOW!!!" Deidara yelled.

"NINE."

"HOLY SHIT!!"

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!!" Deidara yelled as he choked the life out of Naruto, while Sadamitsu tried her very best to pry him off her boyfriend.

"FIVE."

"FOUR."

"NARUTO, DO SOMETHING!!!" he yelled beside his ear.

_____________**Hyouton no jutsu!! **__**Hyourou**__** no jutsu!!**_

Naruto pushed all his chakra into the technique, making the thick ice wall rise up into the sky, plummeted through Heaven, and poked God in the ass.

"ONE. SELF DESTRUCT WILL NOW START IN TEN."

"What the…"

"NINE."

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" Deidara yelled as he threw a customized bomb at the giant tin can.

A big **SPLAT **was heard.

"What was that?" Naruto asked.

"Sludge bomb."

"The band?" he asked.

"Castrated and squashed."

"Shark fin soup?"

"Ready and waiting."

"Good. Let's eat!!"

**Sorry if I haven't been updating as soon as you liked. But I was having a writer's block. On top of that, the freaking computer of mine crashed. Damn hardware….**


	31. One Random Chappie

**I RECEIVED A GOOD SUGGESTION FROM ONE OF MY READERS SAYING THAT I SHOULD PRANK KISAME AND MAKE HIM CRY UNTIL HIS TEARS DRY. I DID THAT ALMOST EVERY CHAPPIE, NO? HAHA!! BUT NOTHERLESS, IT WAS A GOOD IDEA WHICH I SHALL SHOW MY GRATITUDE TO SOMEDAY IN THE NEAR FUTURE WHEN I DECIDE TO USE HIS/HER IDEA. SO NOW…ON WITH THE NEXT CHAPPIE!!!**

"Are we ready to leave?" Kisame asked as he strapped on his black Campro backpack. Hi wore a JAWS tee and a pair of worn blue jeans with a pair of white sneakers. He also wore a pair of sunglasses, and that coupled with his sharkish grin, made him look kinda cool.

"I'm ready. Come on, I wanna get there as soon as possible. Pocky and cold weather makes the perfect combination ever!" said Itachi. He was wearing a dark green brownish skin tight shirt, and an open sleeves jacket that was light brown in colour. He wore a dark brownish pair of pants, just after the knees and a pair of sandals.

"Hold on. I'm checking my bombs here-C4, checked, ST Grenade, checked, Traditional TNT, checked, Multi Bang Bomb of Doom, checked and last but not least my specially designed Akatsuki Bomb of Destruction!!!" he said as he packed the said items into the backpack. Everybody kept their distance. Deidara wore a white t-shirt with a barrel of TNT on it and a masked man lighting it, a sinister grin plastered on his face. He donned a pair of pants similar to that of Itachi, but lighter in colour. He also wore a pair of sandals. And on top of his head, a topless cap that allowed his high ponytail to remain untouched.

"Sadamitsu, are you ready?" he asked. Naruto wore a white t-shirt, decorated with silver glittering dragons that spiral around each other. He wore a pair of black grey jeans and a pair of black and red sports shoes. His hair was tied in a ponytail, since it was years when he got his last hair cut.

"I'm coming," she yelled from her room. Footsteps were heard, before she emerged from the front door. She had on a light blue tank top that read 'Surf's up' at the front and a pair of tight jeans. She wore a pair of high heel sandals, which was not that high at all. In fact, it's only about three quarters an inch above the ground.

"Hello, beautiful!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Makes me wish I have a girlfriend," Itachi said casually.

"Dude, your brother's married. Maybe it's time for you to do the same," Kisame said.

"Tell that to yourself, shark face," he said.

"But I don't have a little brother that's married!" Kisame exclaimed.

"You don't have a little brother?" Dei asked.

"No, I don't," the blue man answered.

"So, you don't have a little brother?" Itachi asked again.

"No, I don't," Kisame answered again, annoyed.

"No 'little brother'?" Naruto asked this time.

"NO!!! I DID NOT, DO NOT AND WILL NOT POSSESS A LITTLE BROTHER!!!!" Kisame yelled.

"Are you sure?" Sadamitsu asked.

"#$&$$," was all Kisame said.

"Yep, it's official. Kisame has no 'little brother'," Itachi announced coolly. All was silent, until….

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!MY GOD!!! THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!" they all said while they laughed.

"WHAT!!??" Kisame asked, confused.

"I NEVER KNEW THAT YOU WERE DICKLESS!!!" Naruto said. Kisame's jaw fell loose. It hung like a loose rope. His blue face was now white. His eyes held no pupils.

"Thou shall not insult me and live to see the next sun birth…" Kisame recited in an ebil(evil) voice. Suddenly his eyes took a devilish yellow shine, his face turned dark, and his grin sinister. Samehada appeared in his hand, and he began to chase the group around, whist they screamed wildly and ran around like unorganized chickens.

"QUICK DEI!! THE FORMATION!!" Itachi yelled. They took out their current clothing, to reveal the white priests' garb they wore underneath. In their hands were a bottle of Holy Water and a golden Cross. They began to sing lines from the Holy Bible. The background music changed to that of an angelic and holy sound, like the Haaaah in the previous chappies.

"ARGH!!! JESUS'S LIGHT!!!! MY SHARKINESS CANNOT STAND IT!!!" Kisame yelled. His eyes left the white garbed pair and fell onto the lovely couple.

"Sadamitsu, RUN!!" Naruto yelled the last part, and gave his girlfriend to slight push to get her going. Kisame gave chase, howling like a lone wolf and dragging his huge sword with his hand. They ran, to…well…nowhere, since they only ran around the two 'fathers'. The two stood stiff, like statues, holding the Holy Water and Golden Cross in their arms, which was becoming exceedingly tired. They could feel the acid building inside their sore muscles.

"ARGH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!" Dei said as he slammed a frying pan into Kisame's face. He stopped in his tracks, the frying pan deeply embedded into his face. Or is it the other way round? Dei removed the now ruined by Kisame's face shaped frying pan and tossed it to one side. Kisame fell to the floor seemingly out cold. They sigh in relief, but it didn't last as Kisame sat up like a robot, his face twisted in a menacing grin. Well…more menacing than before.

"I rise from the darkness…thy has harmed the Shark God himself, and thy shall face His Wrath!"

"SHIT!! MODE 2!! DEI!! FORMATION!!!" Itachi yelled. Naruto took a sledge hammer and smashed their heads. A giant bump appeared on each of their heads, and they fell into the world of knocked out.

"Kisame, I have here in my hands, the original copy of Jiraiya's Unreleased, Unread and Unopened Icha Icha Paradise that is due to go to sale next year," he said as he held up a book that was red in colour, with a picture of a naked busty chick in front of it. The back of it was imprinted with a Adult Only mark.

Kisame eyes immediately changed to that of admiration, his sinister grin long gone, replaced with a perverted look and somehow the background was sparkley and pink filled with hearts. He skipped his way here, like a girl madly in love.

"Naruto, where did you get that?" Sadamitsu asked, her voice menacing as she pulled out her Scourge.

"IT AINT MINE!!!! IT'S THE LEADER WHOSE NAME SHALL NOT BE MENTIONED'S!!" he said as he held the book in front of him.

"That must be destroyed!" she said as she swung the scythe.

"Kisame, catch!" Naruto tossed the book to Kisame, who caught it and ran for dear life to protect the book.

"Naruto, handle your girlfriend, will you?!!"

Naruto caught her By her waist and IMMEDIATELYSTRIPPEDHERDOWNTONOTHINGANDSUCKEDONHERBOOBSANDFUCKEDHERFORALLSHE'SWORTH!!!!WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!IAMSOEBIL!!!!!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

Actually I don't know how he stopped her. Maybe you doods can imagine how she was calmed down and managed to not kill the young blonde.

**AN AVERAGE CHAPPIE….ON THE BORDER LINE TO LAME….DUNNO WHAT'S WRONG….HAHA…I NEED YOU GUYS TO HELO ME WITH SOMETHING….I AM IN NEED OF ICE AND WATER TYPE OF TECHNIQUES….IT WOULD BE GOOD IF YOU GUYS CAN GIVR ME THEIR TRANSLATED NAMES AND THE JAPANESE NAMES…I AM LACKING IN THAT DEPARTMENT…HAHA…**


	32. Something's Wrong

**I IS BACK!! AFTER SO LONG!!! BUT JUST FOR A WHILE ONLY THOUGH... SHORT HOLS…KINDA ENJOYING IT WITH MY GIRLFREN AND FAMILY…YES…THAT'S THE LIFE…THIS TIME..I WILL TRY TO MAKE THE CHAPTER A BIT SERIOUS..WILL BE SERIOUS FOR QUITE A FEW CHAPTERS..I THINK THREE OF FOUR..SO..BEAR WITH ME**

It has been two week since Tobi left the Akatsuki base to go on vacation. It also has been two weeks that Naruto promised that he would come to help him get to know Princess Koyuki, since she was so beautiful and he had a huge crush on her. He had been to every place between the base and where he was, and it would take roughly two days to reach Snow Country borders. Something strange kept bothering him all this time. As he progressed through journey nearing the Snow Country, the weather got colder and colder. It just doesn't seem right. The name may be Snow Country, but Naruto should have killed the enemies there and allowed the generators to function. Supposedly, the country should be warm.

"This isn't right. I have a bad feeling about this," he said to himself. "Better hurry."

"You don't know?" a voice said. Tobi turned to the voice. An old woman came into his field of vision.

"What did you just say?" Tobi asked.

"The generators ceased to function for quite some time now," the old lady said.

"How can it be? Naruto killed all the enemies before he left! There shouldn't be any problems at all!" Tobi said loudly.

"You heard the phrase 'where the gold is, the thieves will come'?" the old woman asked.

"No. You made it up, didn't you?" Tobi asked.

"Yes, I did," the old woman answered. "But you should know the meaning."

Tobi nodded. "I will head there, and scout for information, and see what I can do."

"Good luck to you, young man," she said. Tobi bowed to the old woman, and promptly left.

The Snow Country was one that experienced its fair share of wars and poverty, much like most countries that are powerful. But during the reign of Koyuki's father, the Snow Country experienced peace. The country was rich and resourceful, even though it was covered in a thick layer of snow. Even so, the people adored the ruler, and peaceful days followed, so happy commoners were a common sight. Peace is never long lasting. This is especially true if the countries were ninja countries that specialize in combat, and soon war broke out. Being a peaceful man, Koyuki's father never really invested in the defense of the country, leaving it as weak and vulnerable as a kid to a pack of wolves. Soon a huge army came, lead by Koyuki's uncle, her father's brother, and the country changed rulers forcefully. The ruling king was killed, and the Konoha ninjas sent to help barely made it out with the heiress of the throne. The peaceful days were over, and the country grew strong- in combat. The new ruler had brought in technology along with a huge army of skilled mercenaries and ninjas, terrorizing the citizens and common folk. The nobles and the government were threatened to obey the ruler, or face the edge of a sharp blade against their throats.

Following an old loyal army member back to the country, Team 7 of Konoha, then consisting of Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto and jounin sensei Hatake Kakashi managed to infiltrate the premises and overthrow the evil king. In the process, they also activated the generators to produce enough heat to melt the snow and allow spring to the country. The princess, who previously was reluctant to return, had a change of heart and took up the throne, hence bringing an era of peace into the country. That was what happened roughly half a year ago.

Tobi snuck into the border of the Snow Country, past the guards and into the heart of the country- the capital. The villages he went past were pitiful, the people were wearing rags, and were sickly and pale, looked like they were barely eating and had a fearful look in their eyes, as if he would rob them or kill them.

"This is bad. I never thought Snow Country would become like this," he murmured to himself. He felt something growl.

"Aww, man...my dinner," he whined. "I gave everything edible to the women and kids."

_Flashback_

_Everyone was doing what they could to survive. They were eating everything including rats, cockroaches and even snow. The kids kept digging through the snow in hopes of finding something edible, it was breaking Tobi's heart. _

_He walked into the battered village, and suddenly everyone was looking at him. One kid came up to him, tugged on his shirt and asked for food. Anger swelled up within him, and he vowed to make those who were responsible pay. He took his backpack, and took out every edible thing he had, which was quite sizable, since he just restocked, and distributed it evenly to everyone in the village. _

_At least they can eat a good meal for today, he thought. _

_With that, he took off from the village and left for the heart of the country- its capital city. _

_Flashback end_

Tobi got into a fighting stance as his enemies surrounded him. The masked men were wearing light blue armor with a golden cross crest in the middle. Some of them had on gauntlets, while some had swords unsheathed. Tobi had sweat flowing down his cheek beneath his mask, even though the weather rendered it impossible.

The men disappeared, and Tobi suddenly jumped back as the ground beneath him exploded. He back flipped and skidded on a frozen pond nearly, slidding someways. He then placed his hand in a strange seal, and suddenly a bird appeared in front of him. It immediately flew off. Tobi suddenly felt a sharp pain in his shoulder. He turned to see a sword well embedded into his shoulder, and his attackers are already halfway through their respective jutsus. He quickly formed another seal, pushing his chakra into his lips, and took a deep breath. He jumped into the air above his attackers.

"**Katon! Goukyakuu no jutsu!" **

A huge fireball emerged, and flew towards his attackers. He smiled as the fireball engulfed them all but dropped it a second later as soon as the fireball mysteriously disappeared. His attackers were unscratched. He frowned.

"What are you planning to do with the country?" he asked.

"It is useless to explain our ambitions to one who leads a simple life," one of the attackers said.

"Then I will force it out of you with my power!" Tobi yelled as he flashed through another set of seals.

"Your petty techniques cannot harm us," the same attacker said.

The ground beneath Tobi suddenly cracked, and suddenly a huge wave appeared in front of Tobi, heading viciously towards his attackers.

"**Suition! Suishouha!"**

"That's! The Second Hokage's-" said one of the attackers as the wave swallowed them whole.

"Take that you bastards," Tobi said as he smiled victoriously behind his mask. The water soon cleared and what Tobi saw really wiped the smile off his face. They were perfectly fine. His attackers, they weren't even wet.

"Is it our turn yet?" one of them asked. "I'd like to have some fun."

Tobi settled into a battle stance, and prepared for the worst. His attackers suddenly appeared in front of him, and grabbed the sword that was still in his shoulders.

"Crap, they're fast," he said, before the darkness took him.


End file.
